When You Know

61. R U Mine?

Harry didn't think of Murphy when he followed Stephen and Chris onto the side of the main stage. This seemed like exactly what Vinny meant when he said "don't be dicks", but there was nobody stopping them from joining the small hoard of people that had positioned themselves on a small, metal balcony to the side. Nobody would notice if the three of them just joined the gaggle of people sipping from wine bottles and beer cans.

He didn't think of Murphy when the sounds of an electric guitar nearly bowled them over, the distortion strong and ear-splitting, even when it died out and made way for Alex Turner's singing. Harry didn't recognise the song, but Stephen seemed content enough with it. It seemed like the whole day had been for him, and Chris and Harry were merely along for the ride.

He did think of Murphy when a song he finally knew echoed across the thousands of people just a few yards in front of him. Every one of them erupted into screams and cheers, singing along to the guitar riff like they were the only lyrics. A million pairs of hands went dancing into the air, most of them holding cups of beer, but the sound had awoken something inside of him.

Simon's wedding, or at least a memory from them. Harry had been drunk, sat down in a bush that he couldn't even pinpoint now, head swirling with a million things he'd wanted to say and fighting the urge to call Murphy. He kept thinking over and over at how she should have been there instead of in Manchester with Tom. Out of stupidity, rather than curiosity, he'd found Tom's Instagram profile just to see if there were more photos of his ex that he could resent. There wasn't, but there was a video. Some bootleg version of the Arctic Monkeys were playing, but as much as they were the focus, it was the girl on the side of the stage that had caught Harry's attention. She wasn't dancing, not even singing, but sitting on a flight case and smiling like she was always meant to be there. In his drunken haze, he'd realised it would be Murphy's first show back without Megan by her side, and it only made him feel worse. His finger had hovered over the "call" button, willing himself to just press it, when Vik had found him.

Now, she could be anywhere. Not anywhere, most likely London, he thought. She'd be wearing jeans, a top that Megan would have picked out, and she'd most likely be on her second drink by now. Some guy Harry hoped to never meet would be asking her about her job, and she'd be explaining the entire thing to him, cautious of what he'd say when he realised loving her meant loving the distance.

Taking a step back, he pulled his own phone out. Just one message, from a girl he'd saved as "Hayley - Hinge". How's Glastonbury? Can't wait for Sunday xx

Above it was the photo she'd sent him earlier, to show off her day, a little like Murphy used to. Though where Murphy's was of her on a stage, hair scraped back and makeup already running from the heat of a venue, Hayley's was just of herself in a mirror. Her long, blonde hair had been pulled over her shoulders, and she was wearing a long red dress to attend some event Harry had already forgotten the name of. She was gorgeous, maybe even beautiful, it was the first reason he'd liked her. She took an interest in everything he said, too, which was then why he agreed to a date. It wasn't just because Murphy wasn't interested, or that going back in time a year would be too complicated at this point, no matter how much his own mind told him that. It definitely wasn't because sleeping with Murphy had scared him either - and not in a bad way.

It wasn't just so he could prove he could fall for someone else.

But now, Murphy was doing just that.

Harry tried to push the thoughts out of his head, but the more he did the more they refused to release their grip. He and Murphy had grown together so unconventionally, that it wasn't a stretch to imagine her doing the same with anyone else. Right now, she could be laughing at some guy's jokes, covering her nose with her hand like she did when she was embarrassed at how her mouth stretched when she smiled. Maybe he'd like Kasabian, and they'd be dancing to a song somewhere in Camden already. They could stand in the middle of the floor without anyone bothering them, without a care in the world, and he could give her everything Harry never could.