"I need space." Those were the words Jacky said to Ryan the night before they both left for separate colleges. Now, each of them will try to learn who they are without the other. Will their paths lead them back together?
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Ryan
Jacky still smelled like Jacky, but also like coffee. Ryan buried his face in Jacky's hair and breathed it in. More than anything, that smell was home. He hadn't realized how homesick he'd felt this whole time at college until now, probably because he hadn't really had a home in the past two years. The group home had never felt like home, and Jacky's house wasn't his. But Jacky? If home could be a person, Jacky was it.
The hug went on for a long time, until Jacky's shoulders stopped shaking and he was breathing more normally. Ryan didn't want to pull away. "Do you want to come sit down?" he asked.
Jacky nodded against his chest.
The separation as they walked to the couch was almost too much. When they sat, facing each other, Jacky's eyes were red and his face flushed. "Sorry," Jacky said.
Ryan bit back the instinct to tell Jacky he had nothing to be sorry for. "What are you sorry for?" he asked.
When Jacky didn't answer right away, Ryan's stomach clenched. Maybe Jacky wasn't going to apologize for breaking up with him, and he was just sorry for crying on Ryan's shirt. But then Jacky started talking.
"Everything." Jacky rubbed his nose, sniffing. "I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you about how insecure I was feeling. I thought if I preemptively broke up with you, it would hurt less when you got a hot new boyfriend."
Ryan's throat and chest tightened. He hadn't thought about why Jacky might have broken up with him other than the reasons Jacky had given: that Ryan was suffocating. "So... you don't think I'm clingy?" he asked after a long moment.
"What?" Jacky blinked his wet eyes. "No. Never."
"But you said..."
Face crumpling, Jacky dropped his head and brought his hand to his face. "Oh, god, I'm such a fucking idiot."
Ryan sat back, trying to sort out in his head. All this time, he'd been worried that he'd been overbearing. But of course Jacky had shoved Ryan away to avoid being hurt if Ryan broke up with him later.
Ryan rubbed his own face and took a breath. Part of him wanted to cry along with Jacky, and another part wanted to laugh. But before he could do either, footsteps and voices came up the stairwell. Ryan looked over his shoulder at the digital clock on the microwave that confirmed the time as way too fucking early for visitors, and that was when he saw Sam standing there, her short hair flopping over her eye.
"Hey," Ryan managed to say before there came a knock on the door.
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