When You Know

60. Not Nineteen Forever

'She doesn't tell me much.' Vinny finished the conversation, picturing Murphy lay curled up in their tent that morning. All at once, it made sense. The way Murphy had swapped her usually introverted demeanour for her extroverted, drunken alter-ego. It wasn't just to let go, like she'd said it was. Or maybe, it was to let go, but not of the stress she held in her tiny body, but instead of the guy now in front of him, in shorts, t-shirt and bucket hat.

'Are you working now?

'No,' he spoke quickly. 'I'm gonna go see The Courteeners.'

'Sick,' Stephen now spoke. 'That's where we're going.'

'Great,' Harry grinned. 'Come with us?'

Emily (YB)

17:34

Whatever you do, don't bring Murphy to the stage

Go in the pit or the desk

Why?

I fucked up

Remember Harry?

He's here, on the stage

Murphy doesn't know so don't say anything

So?

He's told her he's gonna see someone else

Shit

On it

Stephen seemed to enjoy The Courtneers more than his friends did, and the other three guys mostly held back whilst the set carried on. It was the second time Vinny had seen Chris, but the first time they'd held a proper conversation and they mostly talked about football. The idea of Vinny covering in a video if anyone drops out at the last minute was thrown around, and before he could think about it, Vinny had agreed. They even joked about just replacing Harry, an idea that would have caused complete silence this time last year, but now only brought a round of jeers and taunts.

He found it weird, talking to guys. Most of his life had been spent in the company of women; his mother had raised him, his friends were two twenty-something year old women, and he was becoming notorious for having a string of girls leaving his new apartment. Now, to stand around like an equal with guys his own age, it felt weird. He'd been around guys before, been best friends with a few, but they'd all been either much older or fresh out of college on an apprenticeship. Not great company, though not the worst.

Murphy

18:51

Where are you?

Murphy's text could only mean she was here, but there was no sign of her in the pit. Emily must have got Vinny's text in time, making sure to steer her clear of the stage as soon as they got here.

Murphy

18:52

Got held up, where are you?

Woodsides, mixing desk

Thank fuck for that, Vinny thought. Taking a step backwards, he strained his eyes to try and spot her and Emily from across the whole tent, but he needn't have tried. Emily was wearing a playsuit now, all black with the telltale sign of jewels that Vinny would feel scratching against his skin that night. She looked beautiful, not at all like a girl who'd already spent three days in a field. That wasn't the problem. The problem was on her left.

Murphy was wearing all black, or at least what little could be made of her clothes. He'd seen the skirt already, it was the one she'd chosen that morning and flowed down her thighs, gradually turning into some mesh thing that exposed her calves. But she'd clearly abandoned the Arctic Monkeys shirt, opting instead for what could only be described as a bra. Fine, in any other circumstance, and Vinny could have passed her off as anyone else if Harry followed his eyeline. None of it was a problem, really, aside from the giant ram tattoo that adorned her chest, visible from even this distance.

Vinny didn't even have the time to think about what he would do if Harry saw, because the guy's arms were around his shoulders as the familiar sounds of 'Not Nineteen Forever' started from the speakers. The crowd was loud, Harry and his friends were louder. Vinny's eyes remained focused on the mixing desk, watching Emily and Murphy jump in time to the music. So much for a hangover. The whole thing was about to blow up in his face, and he had Harry's arms gripping tightly on his shirt already. What would he say when he realised Murphy wasn't on a date like she'd said? What would he do when he realised Vinny had lied about the whole thing?

A miracle, a blessing, an act of God. Vinny's eyes remained stuck on the other side of the tent, his vision slowly obscuring. If there was one thing in life he was grateful for, it was the public's ability to sneak flares into a festival. Within seconds, the entire tent had filled with various colours of smoke; red, green, red, orange, even a blue. The smoke billowed from people on top of other people's shoulders, and as Harry turned to look out at the crowd himself, there was no chance of him seeing who was enjoying her own life at the back.

Even when the song finished, it took too long for the smoke to clear, and Vinny managed to bustle the three guys from the side of the stage with a few minutes to spare.

'That was pretty good, actually,' Chris commented, squinting against the sun that was now boring down on top of them. Harry slipped a bandanna over his mouth, pulling his bucket hat down over his eyes.

'We're gonna go find something else, you wanna come with?' He offered.

'Nah,' Vinny glanced behind him. Emily was keeping Murphy in place, but the fear was still nestled in his chest. 'I've got work for a bit.'

'No problem, you at Main Stage later?'

'Arctic monkeys? Probably.'

'Come find us, if you want,' Harry slapped a hand hard against his shoulder, and the three of them were off, cans in hand. It was over, and Vinny had won. He'd managed to avoid an absolute catastrophe, even if he was still cursing Murphy for not telling him the truth. He contemplated for a second texting Megan about his recent findings, but couldn't even bring himself to lift his phone from his pocket. It was exhausting, trying to navigate this entire thing.

For Hozier's set, Vinny stayed mostly silent. Emily and Murphy had made their way to the side of the stage, and they sang enough to each other to make up for the energy he was lacking. Throughout it all, he watched Murphy, twisting her body and moving her hips like she was born to be in this exact moment. He felt regret, but a twinge of sympathy. There she was, moving like nothing had changed in her life, like her head wasn't still pounding from the alcohol the night before. She couldn't even listen to her ex's name these days, and now she knew he'd taken that first step. He'd slipped through her fingers, yet she was still here. A stark contrast to the girl who'd have fled to the farthest edge of the earth just half a year ago. Was this healing? Maturing? Or was this just the cracks in the surface before the flood waters arrived?

At the final song, Emily joined his side, taking his hand in hers as they settled down to a softer tempo. Her eyes were full of hope, even more so when he didn't pull away.

Should have worshipped her sooner. And he should have. For a second, he was lost in her world. A world of unknowns and what-if's, and second chances. The other women meant nothing now, and he couldn't ever imagine inviting another girl back to his room ever again. How could he, when the one he really wanted was right here, smiling at him like he was the whole world. He'd marry this girl one day, he just knew it. 'When you know, you just know,' words that had been said by a man he couldn't remember the name of. He'd thought it was true with Sarah, but now he was certain it wasn't.

But Emily nudged him, glancing over to where Murphy stood. She wasn't singing now, just standing, letting the music bathe her in melody. Her face was no longer a smile, but instead pensive. Vinny tried to imagine the world she was drowning in, but he could only paddle on the surface. Without any prompt, the couple opened their arms, pulling her backwards towards them and trapping her in a tight hug. Vinnt wanted to tell her that he knew, but he couldn't. Murphy's skin was thick with strength, but her insides were still made of porcelain. If Harry's confession was a secret to him, he'd keep it so.