Keep An Open Mind {Lynn Gunn}

21) Using Words As A Comforter

"I uh... hard time?" I asked. Did she know...? She bit her lip and looked down.

"I mean..." she shook her head to herself and turned to me again with an obviously fake smile.

"Hey how's about we call Justin?"
"Jenna, what do you know?" I asked, serious as ever.

"We could show him around and even make pancakes-" she kept ignoring my question, but I cut her off.

"Jenna, what do you know?" I repeated.

"What if we watch a movie and-"

"Jenna!" I exclaimed, loudly, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"I'm... I'm sorry." she sighed. "You've been acting weird lately, you seem... different. I don't know what happened, but I'm sure that something did. I was pretty worried, so I called your parents and what they told me..."

"What? What did they tell you?" she took a deep breath before continuing.

"They said they noticed too. They said it's been a few days that you changed your attitude but no one knows why. I know you, Lynn, I know something's up."

Here we are again. Pity. Pity is the fricking worst thing ever, I didn't want it. There's a reason why I don't tell people how I feel, either they laugh at you or they commiserate you, it's so tiring!

"I'm fine." I affirmed, clenching my teeth a bit, trying to stay moderate.

"Lynn-"

"I said I'm fine, okay!" I said-yelled, throwing up my hands in the air and standing up. Her eyes were once again filled with sadness and I immediately felt guilty. But I wasn't going to take it back, pity is still something I can't tolerate. I let out a sigh.

"In less than one week, I'll be sent somewhere." I choked out, my voice softening. Her eyes widened.

"What?!"
"Yeah, that's what my parents said. or at least, what they intended. They don't know I know, so I'd appreciate it if you kept your mouth shut." I said. She was frozen in shock, trying to figure what to do.

"I... I won't tell. But... why didn't you tell me?" she said. Her eyes were a bit glossed, drowning in sadness.

"Because... you wouldn't understand." I crossed my arms and did my best to avoid her eyes.

"I would..."

"No, you wouldn't. No one does, unless they're having similar problems! It's not your fault, I won't hold it against you, but you can do nothing about it."

"You could come live with us!"

"Without my parents' permission? No way, they're going to send me somewhere, end of the story." I said and sighed, that's when she pulled me in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I don't know how you feel. But I really want to help you out..." she said, quietly. I scoffed,

"I know what you mean. It's the same pity game all over again, just like everyone else does." She stayed silent for a few seconds, but her face turned serious as ever.

"I'm aware that I can't do much to fight your demons. And that you're the only one able to save yourself from whatever hell you're going through. But Lynn, this is not pity. It's care." She stated.

I pondered. It's not pity, it's care.

While I processed her words, she kept talking.

"The world is not as cold as you picture it. Well, it might be, but there are people who do their best to warm it up. Try to keep a positive vibe and if it doesn't cheer you up, it will work on someone else. That's what everyone takes strength and hope from."

"Stealing someone else's light basically?"

"Not stealing. Taking it as an inspiration."

"And by that you're meaning that you want to be an inspiration to me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"No. I mean that we can use each other's light as a guide. Mine, Justin's, those other guys I don't recall the names of." She explained and I let out a small laugh, to which she smiled a bit.

"Lynn, always remember, 'every cloud has a silver lining'. Things are not as bad as you think." She added, holding my hand gently. Her warmth somewhat reassured me, and my heart softened.

"Alright... I get you." I said, nodding slightly, and she gave a firm nod in response. It wasn't a lie, I completely understood what she meant and my mind decided to assimilate it as a good thing.

Honestly, it was weird to think of Jenna like a cousin. She's the total opposite of me, if I didn't know it for a fact, I would never tell we're related. I would more likely see her as my alter ego. Wow, sounds creepy. Whatever, she's more like a reflection of what I'd want to be like, more radiant and confident. But also, she's silly. Sometimes being silly is a gift, it makes you see things in a different way. Not knowing gives you more decisional power. Also, you tend to think there's always the chance of an happy ending and not see what actually goes on around you...

Sometimes, she was able to teach me a lot.

Perhaps it was her being silly that let her preserve so much positivity, but whatever it was, it was reassuring.

"Now, I want to take your mind off things for a while, okay?" I sighed again, completely oblivious of what I was putting myself into now.

"How?" I asked, my voice softening, and she smirked at me, fumbling for something in her pocket.

My eyes widened when they saw what she had pulled out.

Tickets for Paramore.

I had no idea how she had them but damn, it didn't matter.

This was for certain going to take my mind off things for a while. Although, I couldn't completely forget that I still had only a few days left before my parents would take measures on me...

And I still didn't know how to get to the place in my dreams, so there was no progress. I internally sighed and tried not to think about it, letting the excitement over the concert get to me.

The dreams could wait for now, the conviction was stationary in here, anyway.-

This is not just all in your head.

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A/N: Isn't Jenna the cutestest thing ever? It's funny that in the start I wasn't even planning on having her in the story but now she's a main character, important for many reasons.

Well, hope you liked the chapter! x