Offer

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"Oh, Clia. There, there. It is alright. We do not love you any less, nor would we love you more if it were any different. There have already been five Uncertains today," she murmured into my hair.

She left out that they all had a human parent.

Pa's silence was painful, but his hug was firm. I continued to cry into his shirt. It was he who I had failed the most, the final nail in the coffin of our imagined adventures together. This was the only way it could be.

We stayed there, together, standing until my knees ached. Pieces of conversations drifted between the arms of my parents, ranging from normal chatter and small talk to continued questioning in the presence of the Bell. At least its persistent ringing brought me a modicum of peace, though it was interrupted by Rose's declarations.

"Do we want to get something to eat?" Pa asked, eventually when my stomach rumbled.

"Yes, that sounds nice. Don't think I did not see you earlier," Ma said, referring to my episode. "I will find Toddy and her family. We will all go together."

I nodded, dumbly, feeling like a shell of who I was but an hour ago. Dragging air in through my nostrils, I filled my chest until it ached. There was nowhere to go now, but forward. I still had my parents, Toddy, and my health. What was done, was done.

Pa did not speak while we waited for Ma to collect Toddy's family. He was not good with sentimental words and I did not mind the silence. I was struggling not to feel downtrodden.

"Congratulations," I said to Toddy as she came into view, mustering up all the happiness I had for her.

"Aw, thank you. Don't tear yourself up over this. Do you think you will train for three more years and then Test again?"

It was something that many did, especially if their parentage was strong or there had been some reason the Testing might have been subdued. Rarely did someone garner enough additional focus and capacity to test into a regular designation, but it did happen. "Maybe," I said, knowing I would not embarrass myself again.

"Well, then, Rose has reserved us a family table. I think you should join us," Ma said to the group with her glowing, warm radiance.

"We would be so grateful," Toddy's mother replied, an older version of my friend with gray at her temples. I had met her before, Patricia, and her father only once. Shim got his nickname from some of the work he did in construction and was still rather fit for his age, though balding.

My father tugged me to him again. "Actually, I need to get going, pumpkin."

"Roark!"

His expression was stricken. "I thought this was earlier in the morning. The Portaler ticket I purchased is for ten minutes from now."

That was my Pa, scatterbrained, but well-meaning. "It's alright," I said, hugging him back, cherishing what few moments I could get with him anyway. He and I knew that he was upset, though he would never admit it. We both knew I would Test as something disappointing so he had conveniently scheduled himself for work to avoid the awkward tension and the presence of my grandmother.

Could I fault him? I would run and hide if I could. Instead, he kissed Ma and politely gave his farewells to the Felds, before running off toward the Portaling Station. Always his back.

We moved as a unit with the trickle of people traveling to the park where picnic tables and blankets were scattered over a lawn. A table fairly close to the town and still within sight of the stage had a card attached to a vase of flowers that said, "Monteneau." It was large enough to seat ten and we settled ourselves in front of placemats with tiny paper menus.

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