i want you hyunjin || hyunlix

into you

- felix -

reaching into the cabinet, i pull out the box of pasta that i bought a couple of days ago. i'm going to cook a nice dinner for hyunjin. i don't think it will change his mind about breaking up with me, but maybe my cooking will be something that he misses when i'm gone.

     as i wait for the water to boil, i feel my emotions start to simmer as well. why would hyunjin go back on his word like this? he said that we would figure it out. was it just a ploy to get me to stay with him up until now? why would he do something like that?

my face starts to heat, growing warmer by the second like the water in the pot. i don't deserve this. i haven't done anything wrong. i've spent these last thirteen days trying to be the best partner i can be, and it's not enough? am i not good enough for him? not worth the risk of backlash?

i hate these emotions that i'm feeling. betrayal, anger, and frustration. all of my insecurities are bubbling up and souring my thoughts. i want to scream. and cry. i want to release everything that i'm holding in and see what hyunjin will say then. will he explain himself?

a hissing sound breaks my concentration and my mind clears enough to realize that the water has boiled and started bubbling over the side of the pan. i quickly turn the heat down and sigh in frustration. then i pour the pasta in and start to stir slowly.

i'm getting too worked up. we've only really known each other for a week and six days. why am i so attached already? and if i'm so attached, why isn't he?

at this point, i decide to push my conflicted thoughts aside and focus on making the pasta perfect. if i want to woo hyunjin with my cooking abilities, i can't serve him mushy penne. i gather the ingredients i need to make a meat sauce and get to work, being careful to stir and check on the pasta frequently. i cook vegetables too, remembering to include radishes since hyunjin liked those last time. then i season everything to perfection before completing the dish by melting a thin layer of parmesan over the pasta with meat sauce.

     once everything is finished, i carefully set the table and plate the food nicely. i pour us both drinks and set those out too. right when i'm about to go upstairs to tell hyunjin that the food is ready, i hear a knock at the apartment door. before i can do anything, i hear hyunjin's bathroom door swing open and watch as he walks down the stairs in his bathrobe to answer the door. when he opens it, i see that there is no one waiting behind it.

     instead, sitting on the doormat, is a pizza box.

     hyunjin grabs it and closes the door. hungrily, he pulls out a slice and takes a big bite as he walks towards the table i am standing at. he blinks twice and stops in his stride when he sees me and the food i laid out for us. he drops the slice back into the box and chews faster, looking like he wants to say something but can't because of the food in his mouth.

     "you ordered fucking pizza," i murmur, just loud enough for him to hear as i sit down and take a large messy bite of my carefully plated penne, fuming.

     "i didn't realize you were cooking something. i was in the shower and i thought you were doing your social media work down here, so-"

     "maybe you should have communicated, huh?" i interrupt, sounding cold even in my own ears as i infuse my words with double meaning. if the plan was to break up with me if 'the stay hub' outs us, he should have just said that instead of pretending that he'd make it work.

     hyunjin swallows hard, looking nervous. he walks to the fridge and puts the pizza box in before closing the door. then he slowly walks over to his side of the table and sits down. he fidgets and adjusts his bathrobe nervously, trying to figure out the best course of action. he eventually decides that it might be okay to pick up his fork and eat the meal i cooked. i let him, still silently fuming as my thoughts from earlier continue to rage in my head. i shovel bites of pasta and vegetables into my mouth. it came out really fucking good and if hyunjin doesn't compliment me soon i'm gonna-

"this is delicious. thank you for cooking, felix. i'm so sorry for ordering something without communicating with you first," hyunjin says, his eyes meeting mine while he speaks and then quickly dropping back to his plate. the frustration and anger burning in me cools to a more bearable temperature. i can tell that he really does feel bad about ordering out while i had been working hard to cook him something. he looks so shy and innocent. my brain flashes an image of him acting like this in bed before i shove it down.

     "i'm glad you like it," i reply, my gaze steadily fixed on him. the tone of anger clings to my deep voice despite the kind words. he glances up again and, at my look, he nervously tucks his hair behind his ear before taking another hurried bite. he won't meet my eyes and if i wasn't paying close attention, i wouldn't have noticed the faint blush spreading across his cheeks.

is his guilt manifesting in shyness? or does he find me hot when i'm pissed off? i'm starting to think it's a mixture of the two. i have never seen him being so submissive. what is he doing to me? how can i go from wanting to scream at him to wanting to slam his face into the pillows?

     as he moves to take another bite, my eyes lower to his plump lips, watching the way they wrap around his fork. as he pulls it out, a bit of sauce sticks to his lips and i watch as he licks them clean, leaving them wetter and redder than before.

     something in me snaps. fuck it, if hyunjin's going to break up with me tomorrow, we might as well make the most of our last night.

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for angry felix, i need you to imagine how he looked during the noeasy interview when hyunjin leaned his head on changbin's shoulder. iykyk.

if you don't, search "stray kids q&a noeasy" on youtube and it should show up! please tap the star before you go. thank you!

— starlostlovers