So F*cking Special: 1996 (Book 1, The So F*cking Special Series)

Something In The Way

"Oh, that's rich. Something you weren't fast enough for." Reagan retorted.

"Hey, just tell me if she's okay!" I hit Reagan's locker above her head slamming it shut, and prying eyes down the hallway met ours immediately. "I'm sorry, I've just been on edge the entire last period, and she probably shouldn't be walking around by herself right now anyway."

Lynn looked back and forth between Reagan and I. I felt sure she would help me out or be the voice of reason for all of us in the moment. Instead, she stepped in front of Reagan and got in my face.

"Don't you already have someone to walk to class. Isn't that what started it all? I wouldn't keep her waiting if I were you." Lynn stepped back to walk away, then came back at me with one last hit. "From what I heard, July had better men the you come to her aid."

Reagan remained in front of her locker waiting for my full attention.

"This, whatever this was or wasn't with July, that you both didn't think to tell us about... If you know her like we do, you can bet it's over." She said her peace and spun away from me.

They could have let me explain. I could have told them that I walked down the main hallway that morning the same as July did, only a mere ten minutes earlier. There were less people roaming the halls as it was still a bit early, so it didn't feel weird when Devin singled me out and called me over.

What I should have noticed is everyone all uniquely gathered around Natalie's locker. She was a sophomore so that wouldn't have exactly been a spot that begged everyone's attention. All the varsity cheerleaders from our junior class were surrounding the scene, and Shelby North, Angel and my other buddy Jed were there, so it felt more natural than it looked or vice versa. Hell, I don't know.

Before I knew it, Devin had me enthralled in conversation with Natalie, and a comment that it was cold in the hall turned into her wearing my jacket almost immediately. I don't even think Natalie mentioned she was cold. I feel like it was all Devin. I took the books out of Natalie's hand when she reached back into her locker for something she was having trouble finding. That's it. It was that innocent until more of the student body filtered in to stare, and July walked in at the perfect moment. Wow. I guess that would be what one would call a set up.

*******************

I can't say how long it really was. It may have only been two weeks, but it felt like a month that Reagan didn't return my call when I paged her, and Lynn wouldn't come to the phone or stop by. Devin persisted daily. She wasn't stupid. She didn't keep pushing Natalie on me as much as she included me in the group that surrounded her.

I was on auto pilot. In truth, I didn't protest as much as I probably should have to work my way back into my friends' good graces. Instead, I appeared to fall into the trap. I needed it though. The distraction. Anything to keep me from looking down every hallway for the face I couldn't get out of my head. And, not to sound like a pussy or anything, but not having anyone to tell about it because my best friends had chosen a side... Stupid.

Looking back on those few weeks, I don't remember seeing them around July much either. She was distancing herself from all of us, and that made me want to go after Natalie more out of spite. If I couldn't have what I wanted, I wasn't going to lay down and die. I didn't like being made out to be the criminal. I may not have handled everything that well...her, I may not have handled her well, but she didn't exactly rise to the occasion either. She could have gotten my number at any point from Lynn or Reagan, and she knew where I lived.

This didn't have to be as cryptic as we made it. It was exhausting. Maybe that proved it wouldn't work. The fact that it was all so surreptitious. I toyed with the idea that we set ourselves up so covertly because subconsciously we both knew getting involved was a bad idea.

I felt the need to entertain the situation with Natalie. She was kind and easy to talk to. I wanted to get out of Devin's web of bull shit and see if there wasn't something actually there.

Natalie was great, and she didn't make me crazy. I wasn't up all night in knots over what she thought or didn't think of me. I didn't need her. I just wanted to hang out with her and see where it could go. That felt promising because it was attainable and moreover, containable. She fit into my schedule way better than the vice that was July. I could date her, have a normal high school relationship with no drama and get myself in gear for the work I had ahead. I could have fun.

Fall had come into full fold, and it was downright cold out. My stepmom had sent me to our local grocery store for a loaf of bread. My stepbrother had already lost jeep privileges, so I was up as errand boy. I didn't mind. I'd been reading down our English AP list for Mrs. Rickie's class, and I needed a break from Hester Prynne and Arthur Dimmesdale. Now they were exhausting.

It was almost seven PM, but if I hurried, I could just roll up to Pure Pines Market before it closed instead of having to drive all the way into Prairie. Our only grocery store was quaint to say the least, but it got the job done supplying us with the basics and offering anything past that at supply and demand. My stepmom always griped that a can of cherry pie filling or notebook paper or whatever was over five bucks. That, and they did close remarkably early, seven PM on the dot.

I hit the brakes in a parking spot up front and raced in before the cashier could make it to the door with her keys. She smiled reluctantly and gave me a go-ahead nod.

A single loaf of wheat bread in hand and I was in one of the only two lines available waiting to check out with all of the other "late night" shoppers. I stood taking in the local drawl of the place, literally, the cashiers' accents were so thick I could barely understand them. I just understood their inflection as all sentences usually ended with them calling you or the person in line in front of you "Honey."

I stepped forward in my line toward the only person left ahead of me. As I looked down to grab my wallet in preparation to check out quickly, I smelt a tiny hint of a familiar sent. It was so faint and hardly stood out above the aroma of the grocery store, but it was enough to still my heart in my chest for a second. I knew it was her. I couldn't look over. I couldn't move. I finally managed to casually cut my eyes to the line beside me on my right.

There July stood with a gallon jug of milk. One item she was no doubt sent to make her household's world continue revolving just like my loaf of bread. She didn't notice me at first, or if she did, she played off that she didn't extremely well. She was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans and an old college sweatshirt cut off on one shoulder. I couldn't see the college, but I assumed it was her mother's. She looked hot. Kind of had this relaxed, 80's Debra Winger thing going on, but with Melanie Griffith's boobs.

"You're up, hun'." The cashier interrupted my potentially dirty thoughts and I looked away from July, then stepped toward the check out. The guy in line in front of her proceeded to grab his receipt and head out as well, so I knew she was going to be standing right behind me in her line over. No doubt she could see me standing in front of her at my checkout counter. I didn't want to turn around and have it be obvious that I had seen her, so I waited until she called my name.

She didn't. She not only refrained from calling my name, but she said nothing as I walked past and in front of her toward the exit. I got in my car and started the ignition and I waited there. I was full of heat and nerves. My head physically felt hot. I wasn't sure what was happening. I watched her from the large front store windows as she headed out the sliding automatic doors and straight to her grandad's truck without even flinching when she saw my Mustang in her peripheral vision.

Why didn't she say anything? Was she suddenly mute? Okay, living the best, worst John Hughes movie had to stop. Maybe it was my fault. I guess I missed the moment. For what? To say... "Hey, remember when I drove you home in the rain and mulled you outside your grandparents' house, and if no one had come home I'm not sure what would have happened? Because contrary to me being seen dating another girl, it's all I think about... you're all I think about." Yeah... that. That would have gone over well.