Be prepared besties, we got some angst in this one.. 😈👹
(TWs: Crying, Self Harm, Arguing, Profanity, Self deprecating Thoughts, Panic/Anxiety Attacks, Panic, Angst, Blood, Eating Problems.) (I know there's alot, just remember to stay safe!<3)
(Johnnie's POV)
I sat crying, locked in my bathroom leaning against the door, staring at my wrists in regret. Let's go back to how I got here..
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I just woke up and at first I felt a squeeze below my waist on my butt, I opened my eyes and leaned back and stared at Jake, his eyes full of anger? I didn't know what it was but I knew he was somewhat mad..and before I knew it I was fighting with him..
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CLING ONTO ME?!"
"I WAS ASLEEP JAKE I WASN'T AWARE OF ANYTHING"
"BULLSHIT JOHNNIE! YOU REALLY THINK I'M THAT STUPID? STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE YOUR FUCKING LIES?! HUH?"
"I'M NOT LYING! I WAS NOT AWAKE."
"OH YEAH SURE, THEN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MOVE?! HUH? TELL ME JOHNNIE! HOW'D YOU MOVE?"
"IT'S NORMAL TO MOVE IN YOUR SLEEP!! ALSO, YOU SQUEEZED MY FCKING BUM? CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT?"
"THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT! I DID IT TO WAKE YOU UP!"
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Our fighting went on for several minutes, maybe even hours, but I only remember what he said last..
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"--YOU'RE JUST A DISGUSTING FATHERLESS DEPRESSED SON OF A BITCH"
I completely froze at his statement. Unable to move or speak. I watched as his eyes went from full of anger, to full of guilt, regret, and sadness.
I tried to keep my tears down and slowly walked into my bathroom. I shut the door, twisted the lock, and broke down.
(LETTING YOU KNOW THE SELF HARM AND SELF DEPRECIATING THOUGHTS START HERE)
I looked up at my sink-counter and stood up, I accidentally looked in the mirror, and then I regret everything beyond that point. I stared at myself for several hours, criticizing every single thing about me.
Why do my eyes look like that? Why does my face look like that, odd? I look so fucking disgusting.
I looked a small bit down and opened a drawer. I took out a small plastic box and set it down on the counter top and shut the drawer. I opened the small box and took out a sharp razor blade..
One more won't hurt
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I sat crying, locked in my bathroom leaning against the door, staring at my wrists in regret. I should've done it when I had the chance all those years ago..
(Jake's POV)
I've been sitting outside Johnnie's bathroom door for 5 hours.. I really regret the whole argument, it was so stupid. There was no point in fighting.. I heard him crying and a door lock switch. I stood up and prepared.
Johnnie opened the bathroom door and I slowly took a step forward and hug him. I know I shouldn't, I fcked up bad, but I know Johnnie needs a hug right now.
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Hello! Hope you enjoyed!!! Have a great day!! stay safe. Remember that you may not know it but I love you<3 (platonically ofc) If you EVER need help, my comment section is a safe spot for venting babes. I can and will help as much as I can. You matter, life is worth living for, if you aren't happy, that. is. okay. You are valid. You are loved and everyone knows that. If you are being bullied or abused (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.) IGNORE THEM I know it's very hard to ignore hate, but trust me, they are just jealous of you. I love you, please continue living, it's worth it. <3
(622 Words)
11/26/2023
