ink bound (JJK, Book 1 of the Soulmate Series)

chapter twenty three

"Hey Taylor! What's up?" Namjoon answers brightly, unknowing to the absolute shit show that's happening in my head right now. Why did I call him? I should hang up, I shouldn't have even called him.

"Taylor? You okay?" He asks, concern dripping in his voice. Fuck. Well now I can't just hang up.

"Joonie, h-hey" I say nervously.

"Hey ... what's wrong?"

"I — I don't know. I ... well I. Uhm I just..." I hiccup loudly, a sob escaping my mouth. I feel the bile creeping up my throat. What's wrong? Everything. Nothing. I don't even know.

"Taylor, hey. Just relax. Take a breath." Namjoon says. His switch to english making it so much easier for my brain to process things. Voice soft but stern. Commanding. So I take a breath. And then another. He doesn't say anything. Just listens to my breathing. Until it evens out just a little bit.

"Good. That's really good, Taylor. Are you safe? Are you hurt? I'm gonna call Jungkook, okay? Give me a sec—" He rushes out,

"No! No, I'm okay. Please don't call Jungkook." That immediately silences Namjoon. He breathes out.

"Taylor ...." He says a little shaky, skeptical. Confused even.

"I uhm... I packed a suitcase and I was about to book a flight to South Korea." I clear up, before he can think something happened between Jungkook and I.

I clear my throat, "To him."

"Oh! Well, that's good news." He says, relief lacing his words. But when he hears no response from me, he goes silent again. "Right?"

"I don't know." I sigh, feeling another sob trying to force its way out. Tears streaming down my neck. "My friend... H-he said some things about Jungkook. I didn't believe it. I-I mean I don't believe it. It's just ..." I start cautiously. "I thought I knew who Taehyung was you know? And well, I was wrong. What if I'm wrong about Jungkook?" The minute the words came out of my mouth I wanted to take it back. I wanted to take it back so bad. Jungkook has never ever given me a reason to think this way about him. Just the fact that I thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. Namjoon must be thinking the same thing. How I'm so completely disgusting to even think that way about his —

"Does it feel wrong?" He says, a ring of sincerity in his voice. No judgment, no anger. Just understanding. I remember why my first instinct was to call him.

"No" I say a little too quietly.

"Listen Taylor, Taehyung he — He's not normally like that. And I'm not excusing him." Namjoon speaks genuinely. "What he said to you was beyond horrible, and I know if he could he'd spend his whole life apologizing for it." He sighs deeply. I can hear him getting out of bed. "I can't tell you about their personalities or if the people you have been a fan of for years are the same people we are right now. They'll have to show you."

"It's not just about his personality though." I speak before my brain can process I even said it. The hard words, the difficult conversations somehow becoming easier to speak with Namjoon. "My friend, he wasn't necessarily wrong. Jungkook and you guys, you are all so busy. I feel like I wouldn't be able to fit into his world. I feel like I'd just be this person taking up way too much of his space."

"Has Jungkook told you that specifically?" Namjoon asks softly, switching back to Korean with a sigh. Which I've learned over time is a sign that he's having trouble saying what he really wants to in English.

"Well, no" I say again, the quiet tone in my voice speaking louder than anything. Switching languages with him as well.

"Then maybe give him more credit. I don't wanna speak on his feelings because who knows what goes on in his brain. I only know what I see." I can hear his pause, like he's contemplating if he wants to say all that he's gonna say. "Jungkook has never been this happy before. Of course, he has army and he's always happy whenever he can be with them." He chuckles, as if thinking fondly of his friend. "But this... this is different. He seems— at peace. With himself. With his life. For the first time in a very long time. It's so beautiful to see how much he cares about you."