Sometimes Hate is Enough

Chapter 22

"Khushi.." I hurriedly grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back. "Stop. Okay?" I looked into her eyes and saw her eyes slowly watering as she breathed heavily with a hard look on her face and clenched her jaws for a brief moment before she looked into my eyes, and soon her eyes grew softer and all her anger vanished from her face before she slowly nodded her head.

I turned to them before saying, "It's quite late now. You should go back to your rooms and sleep. You all must be tired. And.."

"Payal, I need to talk to you." Akash interrupted me, looking completely devastated. "I can't live my life like this anymore. Please. I beg you. If you actually love me like you claim, then you'll..."

"If?.." I looked at him with my lower lip trembling and my brows scrunched. "If I actually love you?... Seriously, Akash?" I paused as I let go of Khushi's arm. "..like I claim?" His expression changed soon into guilt with his Adam's apple wobbling.

"Payal, I didn't mean it that way. You know me. You know..." And everything starts from I know. Akash shook his head slowly as he took steps towards me, but Khushi put her arm in front of me from my left, like she was trying to protect me from some danger. Akash halted as soon as she did that, and his pleading expression changed into anger when she spoke.

"Don't come near her. Talk from where you ar..."

"Why can't you just mind your own business, Khushi? Why?" His voice rose as he looked at her. "And for god's sake, stop behaving like I'm going to hurt her... You're not the only one who cares about her. I also do."

When she didn't move, Arnav Ji, with a little shake of his head in disbelief, said, "Why can't you just stop meddling?"

She neither moved nor spoke. She just stared at Akash with clenched jaws.

"Let's talk in the morning like Payal said. Let's go na, Akash? Chote?" Anjali Ji spoke and walked to her brothers sides while looking at them, then looked at me.

I sighed slowly through my nose before opening my mouth to answer. But Akash spoke up.

"Payal, can we please talk?.. Alone?"

Khushi turned to look at me and tiled her head a little, as soon as he finished. Swallowing, I turned to meet her eyes and blinked once. She bit on the side of her lips before removing her arm and taking two steps backward.

I licked my lips, turned my head, but didn't look up at him as I nodded, and walked to the back of the house with him following closely behind.

I stopped a step away from the three-step stair leading down to the backyard from the house, then leaned on my shoulder on a pillar to my left, with my arms crossed over my chest, and waited for Akash while looking at the newly added lights. Is it just me, or is it really bright here?

"You know na, I'm really sorry for talking to Khushi like that." He said this after he stood quietly for a second beside me while looking at me. Of course, I... know.

I nodded and stared ahead at a specific light on a pillar that stood tall near the house.

"I knew you would understand, like always." I felt a smile on his words. And I tried to return it, but... I felt... tired. I don't know why. But I felt like that. And all I wanted to do was lay down on my bed and sleep. But I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I knew I would once again stare at the old white ceiling. Because it's been quite some time since I first felt this way. But at least now, among all the things I felt, I could name this specific urge as tiredness.

"...back. I promise, I'll stand with you. I'll always support you. I'll..." I heard Akash speaking... Had I just forgotten that he was here?

I blinked a few times and tried to pay attention to his words. But I felt myself drifting away... It's not that I wasn't interested in listening to him. It's just that I already know what he's going to say. Because he's been repeating his words again and again... and again. And I want to cover my ears, but I can't. I want to tell him to stop... but I can't. Because I know he loves me. I know he wants to fix everything. But he's not ready to listen to me. He interrupts everything I try to say and says the same thing: He'll always choose me and support me. But I don't want him to always choose or support me. All I want is for him to be sure about me. About us. About the love... we share.

"Payal?.." I looked at him with slightly wide and unsure eyes. "Are you listening?" He asked as he looked down at me with his brows high in question.

I nodded and forced a small smile.

He stared at me for a few heartbeats before saying, "So?"

"So what?" I asked in confusion.

"So, will you give me and our relationship another chance?" He answered as if it were the most obvious thing right now. "And let me complete the promises I made to always support you."

I stared at him for a second while biting the inside of my cheek and said, "Can I take a day?"

It was now his turn to look confused. So I added, "It's just that I... I'm..."

"I understand." He said this when I stammered. And I felt buried hope rising from deep within me. I looked into his eyes, which were full of understanding. And I felt myself smiling at him. The first genuine one that anyone could ever bring out of me other than Khushi these days. I felt happy from inside that he might be late, but he understands... He understands without me saying that I only want him to be sure about me and us and to make choices according to his own wishes and feelings. And not because of some pressure or circumstances, or... some older brother's orders.

I felt my eyes watering with happiness, and without thinking twice, I hugged. I hugged him tight while my heart felt heavy with happiness as he also followed suit and wrapped his arms around me. He understands... This thought alone was enough to fill myself and my heart with unbound joy and...

"Di was right. You would agree if I promised to always support you." His voice came from above me, where his chin rested on top of my head.

I stilled and felt myself going completely blank.

I unwrapped my arms from his back without stepping back and tiled my head back to look up at him.

He was smiling at me. Brightly.

"What.. do you mean by that?" I asked as I felt my heart banging on my ribcage.

"About what?" He asked softly while continuing to smile.

"That Di was right."

"Oh, it was her idea. She told me, If I tell you this, then you'll give me another chance." He explained.

I felt his words hitting me like a slap.

"You said this because I'll say yes." I asked as my eyes watered. "Because Di told you to?" Please say no. Please. Please. Ple...

"Yes." He nodded as he looked deep into my eyes with a smile.

A tear fell, sliding down from the corner of my eyes as I stared at him unblinking. His brows started to tug in the middle as he brushed the falling tear with his thumb and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Because you broke my heart, Akash.

You broke it.

Again.