Abused and Unloved~

Chapter Twenty Seven

There would be no regular burial or proper send off for Lucinda because her family was a mess. I could only imagine how depressing the setting would be, with only a few people sitting around, sipping on punch awkwardly. But I had to go. I owed it her, she would come to mine.

"What are you staring at so hard?"
"..uh... Lucinda's mom is throwing a funeral party for Lucinda and I'm invited."
"A party? That's odd."
"She's odd."

I look back down at my phone for the time and date of this event and felt a pang of anxiety as I realized it was in two weeks. 

Would I have to go alone? Or would one of my friends be included in this "close friends" list?

"Check my phone. See if I'm invited."

Picking his phone up out of the front cup holder I saw a picture message notification from the same number and immediately knew it was the invite.

"You are."
"Great."

It wasn't great, it was sad. What kind of party could this woman really throw for a child she hardly knew?

"Are you okay with going?"

Would her body be on display? Would her mother dress her up and make her unrecognizable?

"Yeah I'm fine. It could be like a nice positive last goodbye." That's the complete and exact opposite of what I thought the experience would be. But I agreed to myself that I would never speak my true feelings again if they were only going to hurt and worry the people that I loved. I couldn't do that anymore.

"Good."

~~~

"Jess where have you been?!" The excitement in Maddie's voice made me cringe and covertly pull my sweater closer to myself in hopes of some imaginary comfort.

They were all sitting at the usual picnic table and even Jayden was surprised I showed up. He was probably wondering why I didn't ask him to take me to school today, but it was only because I wanted a few more minutes of silence in the morning before I had to pretend to enjoy socializing the rest of the day.

"Uh... Greg let me stay home for a few days. Get my head back in the right place."

My only objective was to convince everyone I was over it. The only person who can know the truth is me.

"So you're fine now?" Maya now questioned, staring at me skeptically. I guess I had to get used to that. People doubting my sanity.

"Better than before." I couldn't pretend that I was capable of bouncing from a scary dark depression to a happy sunshiny standard life. It just wasn't possible. If I was going to lie, it had to be believable.

"That's great." They eased off a bit and it allowed me to relax the tension in my shoulders.

I sit next to Jayden putting my book-bag on the floor and listen to everyone talk instead of engaging.

Normal me wouldn't have done that but there was only so much acting I could do in one day.

"Why didn't you tell me to pick you up?" I turn to Jayden with slight panic not expecting to have to give an excuse so soon.

"Maria wanted to drop me off, make sure I was okay." Another lie. I hated lying, most of all to him, but what else could I do? The truth just felt like an untouchable force lately.

He didn't look at me doubtfully which only made me feel worse about lying.

I grab a hold of his hand and intertwine our fingers laying them in my lap. If he wanted to dig to the truth it was likely that he could. He was one of the few people that could get me break, but he was deciding to trust my judgement, which is probably the worst thing anyone could ever decide to do.