𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨

11.00 pm

In the dining room I began to set the table, setting down the plates and utensils where Jonathan and I would be sitting. After the table was prepped I surprised Jonathans with his favorite wine, he always liked the expensive stuff and anyways there was enough money to go around in this house.

Once Jonathan and I we're sitting at the dining table we both grabbed some of the roast beef I watched as he lifted the fork and knife as he began to cut into the roast beef my palms began to sweat, I didn't understand why I was getting so nervous I just didn't want to disappoint him and this was my first time making roast beef but not just any roast beef a long time family recipe. I held my breath as he took a bite and chewed.

"So?" I asked, he then set down his utensils and looked back at me, but his expression was incoherent so I didn't know what he could possibly be thinking. Adding to the silence in the dining room it just made me more anxious, until finally he spoke.

"Linda...this roast beef is phenomenal." Hearing these words I sighed out of relief and put my hand over my chest. "

"Do you mean it?" I asked, Jonathan chuckled and leaned back against the chair seeing how angsty I looked.

"Yeah, spot on. Just like my moms, flavorful and tender." He said as he wiped some grease away from his lip with a thumb.

"You mean it?" I asked a smile playing at the corners of my lips. I couldn't help but feel some pride over my roast beef, but again it was just one of his many family recipes. "I mean it Linda, you did great recreating this recipe." Jonathan said he sounded sincere.

"Thank you, im glad you like it." I said as I began to cut into my roast beef, taking a bite into the roast beef he wasn't lying both flavorful and tender.

As Jonathan and I continued to eat I glanced back at him he seemed lost in his thoughts while I was thinking of how should I approach what I wanted to ask him, but before I could get in a word he spoke.

"I need to ask you something Linda, and I want you to answer honestly." Jonathan said and he looked pretty serious, wondering what this could be about I set my fork and knife back on the table and cleared my throat.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked nervously. "Are you happy?"Jonathan asked, I paused for a moment not understanding what he meant by that question. "I mean with this life...with me?" Jonathan asked with some hesitation.

When Jonathan asked this I had to pause and think about it, I know that I loved Jonathan but my happiness always seemed to come and go. I have a history of depression Jonathan, family and friends knew about my constant battle with mental health. It's the reason why many worry about me constantly.

I sighed I wanted to answer him honestly. "Well...you know I love you Jonathan, but my happiness...it's complicated sometimes. You understand that." I said before pausing momentarily.

Jonathan just watched me I wasn't going to try to force a smile knowing how stupid I would look if I did, Jonathan sighed before leaning in to take my hand in his.

"Linda I know I may not always show it, and I know that I'm always busy, but your happiness means the world to me...you mean the world to me. you're the most important thing to me, more than my career more than my success, hell even more than the money." Jonathan's hand tightened around mine, before he spoke again. "I just want you to be happy." He finally said.

A tear rolled down my cheek as he said this, I could hear the raw emotion behind those words, he meant them. I sniffled before my eyes locked onto his. "Jonathan..." I breathed out, my vision blurry from the tears. "Thelma. What could I possibly do to make you happy?" Jonathan asked as he leaned in closer against the table.

"I don't know..." I replied, glancing down at my plate. How could I possibly answer him knowing there was so much I wanted from Jonathan, I was scared and honestly If he rejected what I wanted then it would crush me, and I definitely didn't want to say anything I would regret.

"Linda don't lie to me..." Jonathan prompted, it's as if he could see right through me and anyways with my body language I was making it pretty obvious.

Finally I decided to give in, how could I possibly resist him. This man was my husband and like he told me once communication is key.

"Okay I'll tell you, but first let's get all these dishes out of our way and talk in the bedroom." I said, but this time there was no uncertainty in my voice. Jonathan seemed to like where I was going with this.

We then stood from our chairs and cleared the dishes from the table. Once the dishes were washed we headed to the bedroom.

I sat on the edge of the bed and patted the bed so Jonathan would sit beside me, I inhaled as he walked towards me and sat beside me. "Alright talk." Jonathan said as he piercing gaze locked into my mine.

I nodded finding it hard to keep eye contact with him. "Okay." I said as I rubbed my hands together. "You know we've been married for two years already, right?" I asked Jonathan, then nodded. "Yeah." He answered simply, while listening to me intently. "Well don't you think it's time we start thinking of our future, that our future isn't just all about you and m-"

Jonathan then stopped me by gesturing his hand. "You're talking about kids aren't you?"

My eyes widened slightly Jonathan basically knew what I was going to say, I bit my lip and nodded shyly as I kept my eyes locked onto his. "Yes I'm talking about kids, don't you think it time we start talking about them, I mean we've been married for two years already, and our friends are talking more about us having kids than you and me. We're more than financially stable and living in a big ass house is just no fun when there's Just two people living in it" I vented, and Jonathan just listened.

Jonathan than grabbed my hand and I went quiet almost immediately, did I say too much? I asked myself.

"I get it. You want a baby." Jonathan said his voice deep, I then nodded. "Yes, and anyways Imagine how pretty they'd be with our genes." Jonathan then gave me an amusing look. "You're not wrong we'd make some pretty cute kids."

I chuckled and nodded before leaning in until my Lips were no further than a centimeter away from his lips. "Mhm...and imagine our son having your killer looks. Or our daughter having my delicate features." I whispered against his lips.

"Hmm...tempting." Jonathan replied with a sly smirk.

Jonathan then leaned in closer until I felt his breath against my neck. "You know you don't have to convince me, I've been ready for them too." He whispered against my ear. My heart skipped a beat hearing those words.

"Why didn't you say anything...?" I asked my heart racing as he leaned his head back so that he could look into my eyes. "Because I wasn't sure if you were ready yet." Jonathan answered. "I am ready." I replied my gaze softening. Jonathan then leaned in and kissed my cheek tenderly.

"Then show me." Jonathan said lowly before he stood up from the bed his still locked on mine. "But not right now..." Jonathan said, my anticipation disappearing almost immediately as he said those words, I wanted him. Right now, but I knew he was exhausted from work and I couldn't lie I was pretty tired myself.

"We should get some sleep, we've had a long day." Jonathan said towering over me while I sat at the edge of the bed, I looked up at Jonathan before glancing at the clock on the nightstand. It was already twelve-thirty in the morning. I cleared my throat and stood from the bed. "Right we should probably get some sleep now." Jonathan nodded in agreement.

As I laid in bed, I couldn't help but think of what he said, "show me" those words filled my mind over and over again.

I then turned to my side and looked at Jonathan as he slept peacefully beside me, I felt so lucky to be able able you wake up to this man every morning.

I then rested my hand on his strong chest feeling the warmth through his shirt, feeling the fabric of his shirt against my finger tips. I snuggled closer to him until my chin rested against his shoulder, with his warmth I was able to drift off to sleep almost immediately.

As I drifted off to sleep I thought about the future, Jonathan and a family, that maybe there was going to be a chance where I could be happy that I could put the ugly past behind me.