coffee on lexington avenue | phillipa soo

two

"Billie, get up, come on."

I check my watch impatiently. 5:00 AM. Probably just enough time, by my estimation.

Billie finally slowly awakes to my gentle prodding, sleepily looking up at me with narrowed eyes, almost like she was glaring at me.

"Come out and eat, honey," I say, giving her a few strokes on the head despite the death in her stare. "We have to go soon. We're gonna be late."

I didnt know if it was Billie that was just too expressive for her own good- or if I was getting a little too defensive for no reason, but she almost looks as though she was raising an eyebrow at me in suspicion, as if to say, Late for what? Even though she cant actually speak and probably cant even form those complex thoughts because she's a dog.

To be fair, neither of us was used to this arrangement. It was always Billie that woke me up for food every morning, and then forced me out the door against my will. She definitely wasn't used to me being so insistent to get up at these wee hours of the morning, and neither was I. Honestly, I was just as suspicious as Billie was.

Suspicious, or whatever other emotion you've decided to project onto me this morning, I almost hear Billie say.

In other news, I might be going insane.

"Come on, get up and eat, okay? Theres food in your bowl. Get moving, you little demon," I say, scratching her behind the ears as she languidly begins to stretch and stand, leaving for the kitchen to eat her breakfast.

I get myself dressed in my favorite brown cardigan, and don't dare put on sweats like I did yesterday. A pair of mom jeans would have to do. I even put my hair up in a clean ponytail, leaving a few stray strands loose, spending a good five minutes trying to get them to frame my face right. I even put on a little bit of lipstick. Just when I'm about to start putting on some mascara, I catch my own eye in the mirror, see the unusually red tint of my lips.

What the hell do you think you're doing, Phillipa Soo? I feel a flush of shame through my cheeks. Even my reflection was getting secondhand embarrassment. You're putting on mascara and lipstick to go and walk the dog.

Biting my lip, I put the mascara wand back into the bottle, and leave the room, trying to pretend that didn't just happen.

By 5:30, Billie and I are out the door, en route to Lexington Avenue. I'm anxiously checking my watch every so often, wanting to be absolutely sure that we got there on time. Just when we're only a few blocks away from the Sub Rosa, my phone starts ringing. Steve was FaceTiming me. I feel my heart drop to my stomach, though I wasnt sure why.

I contemplate on dropping the call, before deciding on answering it anyway. "Hey, honey," I say, forcing on a smile. Steve was still in bed, by the looks of it, in his hotel room.

"Hey, Pips, just wanted to check in, see how you and Billie were doing,"

"Oh, we're fine," I say quickly.

"Yeah? What have you two been up to?"

"Oh, um..."

I don't even think about telling him about the nut allergy incident. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he'd react if he knew. I mean- I'd once been late to picking Billie up from the groomers because rehearsals ran a little late that afternoon and I'd gotten an earful. It was my fault, really, he was right- I did tend to get carried away by my self-interest to the point where it got selfish-

"...I mean- come on, you can admit you were being too... self involved, right?" He was saying. We were at the restaurant we'd decided to eat at after I got home from finally picking Billie up from the groomer. "I mean, what's it to you to take an hour out of your day to do something for what little family we have?" He said the word family, like he always did, like he was accusing me of withholding something from him.