Never Say Never

Chapter 1

 "No, Janice, it's absolutely hopeless. I am telling you. I'm done with dating," Aly sighed as she wiped the crumbs off the table and into her hand from Eli's after school snack.

Making her way to the garbage can, she brushed them in. Grabbing the empty cup of chocolate milk, she popped it into the dishwasher, trying to stay on top of things so she didn't have to do a last minute clean-up when all she wanted to do was go to bed.

"You can't just give up," her friend urged. "Come on, Aly. You've only been on a few dates so far. I know they've been duds but the right guy is out there. I know he is."

"I really don't think he is. I've been on four dates in the last month and they have all been awful. And I only went on those dates because you've been pushing me to put myself out there, might I remind you. I was perfectly content with my life the way it was. The only guy I need in my life is my son. I'm telling you. Good guys don't exist."

"Except you know that's not true because you had one."

Aly's heart stuttered in her chest at the reminder. That familiar pain that tightened its hold until she felt she couldn't breathe. It didn't matter that it had been two years. Any mention of Justin's name and she was instantly sent straight back there, struggling, fighting for air she couldn't find, descending into the pitch black of despair that had swallowed her whole for far too long.

But she couldn't let it consume her, not anymore. She knew what she needed to do. Remembering her therapist's words, she didn't fight it back, letting the pain wash over her for a moment. Accept your emotions. It's okay to feel them. Let them come, acknowledge them, and then move on. Don't get stuck. Forward motion. Always forward motion. Remember the 3-3-3 rules when it gets overwhelming.

Her eyes roamed through her kitchen, searching for three objects. The box of Scooby snacks that Eli had, the smiling face of his favorite cartoon dog looking up at her. The tulips on the table that she'd picked from her garden two days ago, bringing a little spring into the house. The bright painting to the left of the fridge that Eli had made for Mother's Day last year, his handprints creating bright yellow and orange flowers, with the words If mothers were flowers, I'd pick you.

She felt herself returning from the dark, her chest loosening as she closed her eyes, focusing on sounds now. Her son's feet moving across the floor of his bedroom, a lawnmower running a couple houses down, the low rumble of a motorcycle driving down the street.

It was working. Aly wiggled her fingers, rotated her ankle, rolled her head around on her shoulders. 3-3-3. Three sights, three sounds, and three movements. And just like that, she was back. Hand on the table, she slowly sat down in one of the wooden chairs she'd so lovingly sanded and refinished the summer after they bought this house, opening her eyes. She was centered. She was okay. She was moving forward whether she wanted to or not.

He was gone. There was no changing that. And as much as she'd wanted to curl up and die after it happened, she knew she couldn't. She had Eli, this sweet little soul who depended on her, who was hurting too, and she had to be what he needed. She had to pull herself out of her grief to be the stability and strength he needed. Fake it until you make it, right? That had worked for a while until it didn't.

"Aly?" her friend's voice called through the receiver. "Hey, are you okay? Is it happening again? Do I need to come over? Come on. Just say something, honey."

"No. No. I'm okay." Her fingers pressed gently against her forehead, wondering if it would ever get easier. Everyone said it would and sometimes she could even go hours without thinking about him but when she did, it would all come crashing down around her. He'd left her alone, alone to care for their son, alone for eternity based on the dating pool out there. "Sorry. I just...I'm fine."