A Choice with Regrets [Levi Ackerman]

46

"For you." she sucks in air. "She wrote it before she passed."

My heart thunders. It takes me a good while until I bring myself to break its seal. Reaching inside the envelope, I pull out the letter with shaking hands. I begin to read.

Levi,

By the time you receive this letter, I might have moved to a very peaceful place already. I left this world with love in my heart, but doing so also left you with pain. My absence must be causing you so much grief, and I'm sorry. I regret not being able to fulfill the promise to be your wife... and to be a mother of our child. I suppose my biggest regret is that I couldn't spend the rest of my life with you. I am worried because you will feel alone. It will be difficult, but I never once doubted your strength. So please, continue to live as the man you have become.

So thank you, Levi... for bringing me in and giving me life. For loving me unconditionally even when I was stubborn and made you fret too much. Thank you for being the protector. For always fighting to show your best. For your never-wavering devotion to your comrades. For lending us your strength and commitment. For doing everything in your power to protect those that you care for in these brutal times. And finally, for being you.

Though I am gone, you became someone I could never forget. I want you to live on and be happy, even when it's without me. I still love you, but I can never reach you. I hope one day, we can meet again. Either in your dreams, here in the afterlife... or in another lifetime. I miss you, and I will be waiting for you.

Your love, Sina

Dropping the letter, silent tears stream down my face. My mother... Isabel and Farlan... and now Sina. She left the world without grudges or bitterness. It seems that our life together is destined to only be temporary. But in all likelihood, that is indeed how things end between us. Our future crumbled just like that. All of this was inevitable.

I didn't comprehend how in love I was with Sina till one day I thought about how I'd feel if I lost her. Then all the air in my lungs left and I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating at the thought. And that thought came to be a reality. She's truly gone. How am I supposed to be happy without her?

As I lament her death, the sound of a crying baby shatters the silence. Nurse Eden dashes to the bedroom and my heart thumps fast with anticipation when she steps out with a baby swaddled in her arms. Hastily, she makes me hold the baby and when I gaze down, I hold my breath at the sight of her. This baby, our beloved daughter, is a spitting image of Sina except she has silver-blue eyes like mine. Sina brought a beautiful baby girl to this world.

The more I stare at her, the more I feel lost. I begin to feel sorry for our child. Because I cannot be her father. I am not worthy. I refuse to place our daughter through the misfortune her mother went through in her life. I'll be damned if I ever allow that to happen. I cannot let her see me at my worst. She deserves a devoted parent. And that can't be me, not without Sina.

I gently kiss my daughter on the forehead. As much as I want to forge a close bond, I painfully hand my daughter over to Nurse Eden. "Please take care of her."

Nurse Eden had no choice but to take her in as her child. And she willingly takes on the role. I have complete trust in her ability to provide our daughter with a promising life.

Soon after, I silently leave the house with Sina's urn in my arms and pocket the silver ring she left behind. I even failed to marry her. I'm so pathetic.

And I dare not to look back. But everywhere I go, everything reminds me of her.

⚔︎

One Month Ago

[Sina's POV]

While sitting in the living room with an open window beside me, I take a deep breath and place a hand on my stomach. My belly grew bigger ever since Levi left. The time for our baby is drawing near.

I stare at the ring on my finger. Levi swore to marry me, but I hope for that day to arrive soon. With this disease, I have no control over my body whatsoever. Even as an optimist, the future is just a blur right now.

I hate to admit it, but my body is not taking the disease very well. I have lost color in my face, my eyes are heavy, my body proceeds to grow sore, and my energy remains low. The pregnancy adds to the stress of my well-being, but as long as the baby turns out healthy, everything else doesn't matter. All I want is to bring our child into the world. Hopefully, after all of this, we can live a serene life together... as a family.

I lean back to rest my eyes until I feel something trickling down my leg. Looking down in my chair, I find water dripping to the floor and realize my water just broke. A painful pressure shoots through my stomach and I cry out. "E-Eden!"

I hear rapid footsteps coming into the room and Nurse Eden catches sight of me leaning forward and clenching my stomach. The burst of pain comes again and she hurries over to clutch my shoulders, lifting me out of the chair. "Take deep breaths for me, Sina!" She panics while seizing my hand, helping me breathe through it, and directing me into the bedroom.

As I am limping, Nurse Eden brings me to the bed and shortly after, I am being told to push. My hands are on each side of my head, gripping the pillows so hard that the sheet might tear. I can't even describe the pain as everything around me comes to be a blur. I breathe heavily with pure anxiety because I fear what will happen to me next.

"Just one more push, Sina." Nurse Eden lets out calmly and this immeasurable pressure overwhelms me, like I'm about to lose consciousness until I hear...

"It's a girl!"

I open my eyes with a piercing gasp and Nurse Eden holds her up... my daughter. Levi's daughter. I can hardly make out of her, because my eyes are full of tears. After snipping the umbilical cord and wiping down, Nurse Eden swaddles my baby in a towel before having her lay on my bare chest. During this moment, it came to be the greatest one of my life.

With the energy I have left in me, I graze my fingertips over her reddish cheeks. I can do nothing but gaze at her. Her lips are like mine, and her nose is like her father's. I hope she has her father's stunning silver-blue eyes.

Nurse Eden kneels on the floor next to me and a sob breaks from her chest. She leans closer to get a better look at my daughter. "She's beautiful..."

I smile weakly when I feel my body getting lighter. Like soaring in the air.

Is my fate finally approaching? If so, what will happen next? Will I forget everything? I once read that people forget their lives and turn into birds when they die. But I refuse. I refuse to forget what Levi and I shared in this lifetime. I don't want to go yet...

The sound of my daughter crying echoes in my ears and a wave of guilt washes over me. As much as I want to stay as her mother and as Levi's wife, my line dividing life and death is becoming exceedingly thin. But what terrifies me the most is... the thought of leaving Levi behind. I'm so sorry...

Lastly, I run my fingertips against her soft cheeks with teary eyes. "I love you..."

Nurse Eden blinks. "...Miss Sina?"

I feel tired. Extremely tired. As I sense the completion in my soul, my eyelids begin to feel heavy and I draw in a slow, deep breath.