Monachopsis

- 12: Look how I remember -

He doesn't know how it went down after that. He went home, locked himself up in his room, and just stayed in his bed, not thinking, not doing anything. He didn't hear anything from Aunt Inko or his mom, or his dad about Izuku. Only that he hasn't been home for a while, which was worrying aunt inko so much. 

She constantly was showing up at the house, or calling, asking if anyone saw him. She even asked Katsuki, with pleading big green eyes that were so much like Deku's that it felt like he was staring right at him from the grave. If he was, he would have seen Katsuki lie about not seeing him anywhere. 

Katsuki doesn't have the balls to tell them what he saw, or what really happened. That's a job for the police and the doctors to do. Why they haven't called yet is a fucking mystery to him. There is a thought that haunts him, keeps him from sleeping or eating. 

Shouldn't it be him who tells them? 

He was the one who killed him. 

It makes sense that he tells them all what he did. The fact that he watched Deku die, not only commit suicide, but watched him slowly stop breathing, wasn't punishment enough. But he couldn't bring himself to. 

- 

He curls up even more in bed, the dark not helping him fall asleep. He hasn't slept in so long. A whole week, and a day. He always gets woken up because of nightmares. Though they are more like memories. Memories of Deku's twisted body, memories of him not breathing. 

But the nightmares that make him unable to close his eyes for hours are the good ones. The ones that your supposed to think about when you talk about someone that was close to you, memories you bring up when someone asks, 'what's so great about them?' 

He thinks about sneaking around together, Deku's stupid smile, his bright eyes. He thinks about the date to the aquarium, holding his hand the whole time, and looking at all of the tanks, watching Deku light up as he pointed at every single one, having mentioned that he looked up all the fish before they got there. 

Then, he starts to branch off in those nightmares, his brain now a master at torturing him even more. He starts to think about what ifs. What if he didn't say those shitty, disgusting, horrible things to him? 

what if he was still alive right now? What if Katsuki had made the right choice? Would Deku still be alive? Would they be together now, not needing anything else but cheesy ass dates? Would he have loosened up, now that their relationship was in the open? 

Would he have let Deku give him those love notes between classes just so the two of them could laugh at them together? Could they have walked hand in hand in public without having to take the train for hours? What if- 

"Katsuki, if you don't get out of that room right this fucking second, I'm taking it down!" 

He doesn't move. His mom and dad had been busy trying to console Aunt inko. He thinks they probably know something really bad happened. Even in grief, his mom still has the fire to yell at him. 

"I'm so fucking serious right now Katsuki! I have the drill in my fucking hands!" 

She doesn't- 

the sound of a drill pierces his brain, and he sighs. He slowly gets up, walking to the door and opening it. Mitsuki has the drill right up against one of the hinges, ready to start taking the door down when he opens it. 

She drops the tool and looks at him, her red eyes scanning his face. She doesn't look mad like how she sounded. She has a small frown on her face and her eyes reflect worry. She opens her arms and pulls him into a tight hug, and he slowly wraps his arms around her. 

"I know that you're worried about Izuku. We all are. Why he would run away is a mystery to me, but I'm here for you. Me, Inko, your dad, we all are here for you. If you ever need to talk about anything, you can always come to one of us. You get that right?" 

Her voice is soothing and comforting. 

Would she still sound like that if she knew what he did? 

She pulls back and gives him a soft smile, ruffling his hair. 

"Let's get some food in you. You look like shit." 

Katsuki nods and they both go downstairs, Katsuki avoiding the walls, where pictures hang. He knows there are some with Izuku in them. They enter the kitchen, where his dad has just finished making breakfast. He looks tired but brightens up when he sees Katsuki. He gives him a warm smile and a big hug.

"Hey Katsuki, how are you feeling?"

"Like shit." 

His dad quickly sits him down, sliding a plate of food over to him. Mitsuki holds Masaru's hand, comforting him too. Katsuki stares at the food. Would they still be so caring if they knew what he did? Here he is, being hugged and fucking coddled, fucking eating and sleeping, when Deku can't do any of that now, all because of him. 

He pokes the food with his fork. 

There is a knock on the door, and Mitsuki, casting him one final glance, goes to open it. Masaru busies himself with cleaning up dishes. He hears the door open, and then there is a loud scream like someone is being killed. 

Both him and his dad bolt up, alerted by the sound of Mitsuki's scream. They race towards the front door. 

"What happened-?!" 

Masaru and Katsuki are both speechless as they look at Mitsuki tightly hugging Izuku, Inko crying next to them. Katsuki stares at the face he never thought he'd see again and feels like he's going to throw up.

 Izuku looks over, a big smile on his face as Mitsuki crushes him with her hug. Their eyes meet. 

"Hi kacchan!"

- Continue in Sequel: Kalopsia - 

He killed himself. Katsuki saw it.

So who the hell is this thing wearing Deku's skin?