KAISE JAANE DOON TUMHE!!

Chapter 44

On his way home, the only thing that occupied his mind was the mistake he was about to commit. How could he shy away from hus responsibilities! How could he burden Swara with the feeling of unwantedness. How could he behave so selfish with Swara! How could he let his guilt overpower his conscience!

In the way, he took a bunch of yellow roses with a single red rose in between. His heart wanted to run and hug Swara. But hus mind was stopping him. Swara was hurt badly. She really needed a little time. She needed a break from him. But in a right way.

Sanskar entered the living room. Sujata's eyes widened with amazement.

"Sanskar! Roses?" She asked.

"Ma! I don't know how to apologise. But at least I can try na!" Sanskar said and rushed to his room. Little did he knew that Sujata lighted a diya in front of God after he went away.

Sanskar saw Swara sitting with all the lights closed. The only light in the room was from a distant streetlight. He understood that she was tired of everything today. He could sense her helplessness. He could feel her emotions.

But with Swara's presence, all his courage went away. His strength vanished. He was about to take a u-turn when he realised what his fight was! He is Sanskar! He should not run away from any battle field.

"Swara!" He said.

She did not reply.

"Swara!" He again called her name.

She did not reply.

Taking a deep breathe, he stepped forward and looked at her closely. Her eyes were closed. He patted her cheek lightly. She was not sleeping but chose to remain silent.

"Swara! I know you are awake!" Sanskar said lightly patting her cheek.

Swara turned her face around. Sanskar smiled a little. He should get punished.

"I have brought something for you." Sanskar said.

"Divorce papers?" Swara replied.

Sanskar took a deep breathe again. There was not a bit of sarcasm in Swara's voice. She was damn serious.

"No!" Sanskar said, "I am switching on the lights. It's not good to sit in darkness."

"Does it even matter?" Swara replied.

"Yes it does! You only told me once!"

"I have told you many things Sanskar!" Swara replied. She stood up from the bed and begin rolling her hair in a bun.

"Swara!" Sanskar was fumbling with words now. He was unable to decide what he should say now.

"I know Sanskar! You have changed your decision." Swara said and switched on the light.

Sanskar felt a jerk once again. She again sensed his feelings.

"Swara! I have been too harsh on you." Sanskar tried to hold Swara's hands. But she jerked his hand and began to fold already folded clothes.

"Sanskar! I am not in a mood to talk to you right now." Swara said and tried to leave the room.

Sanskar stood on the door. He looked at her face clearly. There was a strange emptiness in her eyes.

"Swara! See! I have brought something for you." Saying so, he forwarded bouquet to her.

He thought Swara would at least smile. She loved flowers. But her reaction made him shiver with fear.

Swara just looked at flowers and then at Sanskar. Her eyes narrowed and Sanskar felt the heat from her eyes radiating to his face. The next moment, the flowers were lying on the floor. Swara threw them with so much anger that the petals scattered on the floor.

"Swara! What was that?" Sanskar asked in disbelief. He knew Swara would be angry. He knew she was hurt. But this was of some different level.

"Flowers! Right! Flowers are the way to a girl's heart." Swara said sarcastically.

"Swara! I was wrong." Sanskar tried to say but he stopped in middle seeing the glare from her eyes.

"Wrong!" Swara said. She was now shivering with anger. "You were wrong then and you are wrong right now too."

"Swara look...."

"Stop you empty words Mr. Maheshwari! Please stop. They are making my heart bleed. I can't tolerate anymore. I can't! I don't have so much of strength in me. Have at least a little mercy!"

Swara, sitting on the floor, was looking like a mess. Her long hair scattered on her face which was hidden in her hands. Her heart was breaking little by little.

Sanskar sat beside her. The damage he had done was irreparable. As soon as he touched her shoulder, she shrugged away his hand and again glared at him.

"No need! I don't need anyone in my life. I am happy with my pain. Go away!" Swara said. She was shivering in anger and crying at the same time.

"Swara! At least listen to me!"

"Did you try to listen once before taking that step? Am I a doll or what? Am I a doormat to you? Don't you consider me a human?"

Sanskar was listening to everything with a heavy heart. He knew Swara was angry but the way she was behaving was heartbreaking for him. He tried to touch her again. He wanted to tell her how idiot he was to even think of it!

"Sanskar! Relationship means fighting. Fighting with world, with God and with ourselves too. But you did not fight with yourself. You just wanted to threw me away in pretext of my happiness. You never asked me what I wished. My wish did not matter to you then now, your wish and your words don't matter to me too."

Saying so, Swara stood up and wiped her tears. He looked at her with apology.

"No Sanskar! I don't have any forgiveness in my heart left for you. I don't have any more strength to get hurt. I know even a single more hurt will kill me." Swara said and bent down to pick those flowers which she threw.

"Swara! I wanted your happiness. I was abusing you."

"Yes you were. But I knew that was temporary. I got to know that you were taking treatment from dr maya. I was beyond happy that you thought of this. And then, next day you gave up." Swara said putting those flowers in a vase, "Just like these flowers, you threw me away. And now, you want to put me back in this vase. Okay! I will be back in vase. But what about the petals that had been already shattered?"

Swara wiped one more tear from her eyes and looked at her wrist. The bruises were still there.

"These do not hurt me so much! I knew you were not in your senses. And I knew this phase would pass. But the decision, you made in your senses, did not hurt me. It broke me Sanskar. Am I so useless to you?"

Sanskar knew guilt was such a small word for the emotions he was feeling. The one who brought him back to the light of life, was standing crying in front of him and he was really responsible for that.

"It's of no use talking to you about anything. You won't understand. I don't want to make you understand anything too. I don't want to understand anything too. I don't even know what I want but I know that I don't want anyone in my life who doesn't want me." Swara said in one go. Her mind was so full of emotions that her tongue could not decide what it wanted to say.

"Swara take a deep breathe." Sanskar tried to insist.

"Deep breathe my foot!"

Saying so, Swara went out of the room. Sanskar looked at the petals which were still scattered in the room just like Swara's broken heart.