𝐀𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 - maze runner, Thomas

Chapter 3-falling

Jeff explains a few things to me. After a hour, Clint joins us and together we talk a bit about being a medjack. I don't talk much. I can't really concentrate on what they are saying. It seems kind of monotone to me. Like a loud, annoying noise that keeps going without a break. I space out. I don't even try to listen to them anymore. I look over to the clock on the wall above the door. It's eleven.

I look at my surroundings. The small tent inside a huge glade. The glade we are trapped in. I'm stuck in a place I don't know, with people I don't know. God I don't even know myself, just my name. I don't have a past, probably don't have a future either. The others have been here for years. If there was a way out they would have found it by now. The maze is just a dead end. Something that gives them hope. Hope they should have lost a long time ago. They didn't. So how come I already feel hopeless. I have been here for three days.

I don't know if a life here is worth living. The only thing I know is that I feel terrible. And tired. So tired.

"Ruby?" I hear a voice "Ruby what is going on?" Jeff is standing in front of me, one hand on my shoulder. He looks worried. "What?" I ask, my voice week. "You look terrified, what is it?" I don't know what to tell him "I, uh nothing. I don't know. Everything is fine." I tell him. He lets go of me, not exactly convinced. I see Clint sitting in the chair a few metres away, watching me with curiosity. I feel uncomfortable with the situation. "I have to go to the toilet." I say shortly and walk out of the tent.

Instead of going to the bathroom, I walk over to the treehouse. It's a unstable looking wooden construction with a ladder. I climb to the top and lay down. I start to cry again, with my eyes pressed together. I calm down after a few minutes. The glade is silent. Bright sun is shining in my face. It's peaceful. Yet I don't feel relaxed. Something feels wrong. I don't want to be here. I don't belong here. The urge to just disappear becomes bigger every second. I hate it. And I can't do anything about it.

I close my eyes and breathe slowly and deep. Not knowing who I am is evil. Real evil. I don't know if I am a good or a bad person. Maybe just useless. Yes. Useless. A weight for others. Weak. I am weak. Breaking on day three. Good job Ruby.

There really is no reason for me to stand up. Nobody needs me. Nobody even likes me. I could die now and they would forget about me in a week. And that only because I'm a girl. The medjacks don't need me. Clint thinks I'm weird. Jeff too after earlier. The guy at the bonfire treated me like an object. They don't want me here. I don't want to be here. Or anywhere.

I open my eyes. Without noticing I had bit into my right wrist. It's bleeding. Not heavily but still. There are bite marks now. Red mixed with dark red and blue. It hurts. But it is a calming pain. It feels better somehow. The numbness is gone.

Blood streams down my arm. I catch it with my sleeve and pull my t-shirt over the wound. It stings.

After laying on the thee house for about half an hour, I hear Frypan calling for everyone to get lunch. I don't want to go down. I'm afraid of seeing the others. Don't know why. And I don't have to. They won't realise I'm not there. And about eating... I can do that at dinner. Or not. I don't care. There is no point anyway.

Exhaustion overcomes me and I close my eyes again.

As I wake up, it is late afternoon. The sky is purple. It is beautiful. I remember yesterday when Thomas and I were on that tree in the deadheads. He is in the maze now. Far away from me. Probably better for everyone. I'm not a good friend. I only care about my problems. I'm selfish.

My head hurts a bit from laying on the wooden ground. My stomach is empty. I feel sick. I bet the nausea comes from not eating anything the whole day.

I check my wrist, but there is no blood visible because of the black sleeve. Good. I know the boys can't see me like this, or there will be questions. I'm sure my eyes are puffy as hell. Also, I think I'm in trouble for not going back to the medjacks. Plus I'm embarrassed to walk through the glade. I feel disgusting.