Back To You

Chapter 14

When you two got to the lake, you sat down under a tree and continued drinking and smoking. You couldn't stop staring at Mattheo.
M: "Why are you looking at me like that, Y/n?"
Y/n: "I was just wondering...How is it possible that you and Tom are so different? I mean you both grew up in the same family...with the same father. How do you manage to stay this far away from the evil? You're so...well...you're nice. Why is that?"
Mattheo laughed and pointed at the bottle.
M: "This is how I cope"
You both laughed.
M: "No...actually...I am not as nice as you think I am. I'm just really trying. But I do have a really short temper. I just...I guess I want to be different. I hated that everyone expected me to be like my father so I decided to rebel against it."
You nodded.
Y/n: "That's understandable."
Then he asked you about your family and you talked for what seemed like ages about everything. He was so interested in you and you felt safe around him. It was great to unwind. You both got pretty drunk. After awhile there came a moment when you both fell silent and you could feel the tension. He lit up yet another cigarette and as you watched him, you suddenly remembered Tom. Your heart hurt. You had no idea what to do with this whole situation. You loved Tom so much but he caused you too much pain. Mattheo on the other hand made you feel only good things and you liked him a lot. You felt desire but you didn't feel love. Should you choose what is right or what your heart and soul want even though it could destroy you? You didn't even know anymore. As you got lost in your thoughts, you stood up and marched towards the lake. Mattheo ran to you.
M: "Hey! Y/n! Don't go near the water!"
Y/n: "You think I want to drown myself or something?"
M: "I don't know, Y/n. You're drunk and mentally unstable."
Y/n: "What did you say?"
M: "I said you are unstable"
You gently slapped him and you both laughed at it. You stood there with eyes closed, enjoying the cold wind playing with your hair. All of a sudden you felt Mattheo's fingers brush against your hand. Your breath quickened but your eyes stayed closed. Mattheo's fingers gently intertwined with yours. You looked down at your hands and then up at him and met his gaze. It was hard to hold back at this point. You wanted to kiss him. The way he was looking at you...You just wished he would take you to his room, but you controlled yourself at the last minute.
Y/n: "We should head back. It's dark and I don't want to get a detention, it's the worst."
He nodded but still maintained the eye contact. You could see in his eyes that he wanted the same thing as you. You dropped his hand and headed back to the castle. You both walked in silence, taken aback by your feelings. Draco and the others were still in the common room and they all looked at you with mischievous smiles.
D: "Where were you two?" Draco smirked.
M: "None of your business, Malfoy"
T: "Are you two drunk or is it just my imagination?"
You both laughed at Theo's remark.
Y/n: "I better go to sleep. See you all tomorrow."
Next morning you woke up late and hungover. You rushed into your first lesson and sat down at the back, right behind Mattheo.
M: "You good?" He laughed
Y/n: "Shut up."
Snape stormed into the classroom as usual and pointed at a cauldron on his desk.
S: "This...is Amortentia. The most powerful love potion in the world. It smells differently to each person...depends on what attracts them. Who wants to, can line up and come smell it."
Everyone lined up excitingly and one by one approached the cauldron. Snape watched everybody alertly. When it was your turn, you could feel your heart beating in your throat. You got closer and expected to smell cigarettes or something specific but all you could smell was Tom. Your head was spinning and your legs shaking. You trudged back to your seat and hid your face in your palms. You couldn't help but cry. When everyone returned to their seats, Snape ordered to open your books and read about the potion. He came to your desk.
S: *whispering* "Miss Y/l/n, if you don't feel well you are excused from this class."
You gave him a nod of thanks and walked out of the classroom. Mattheo stood up and wanted to go after you but Snape stopped him.
S: "Where do you think you are going, Mr. Riddle? I'm sure miss Y/l/n is more than capable of getting to the infirmary by herself."
You swiftly walked through the corridors. As you were passing by the school courtyard, you looked up and saw Tom standing there all alone, lighting up a cigarette. He took a drag and looked up at you, his piercing gaze met yours even though he was quite far away from you. It was as if he knew you would walk past. You stood there, staring into his eyes for a moment. Then you looked away and continued to the Hospital Wing. You realised how every time he was close, you could sense him even before seeing him. You two had an invisible string that you were now trying to break. When Madam Pomfrey saw your teary eyes, she ordered you to sit down.
MP: "What's the matter, dear?"
Y/n: "Do you have anything that could help me to calm my nerves?"
MP: "Of course, here...Drink this."
You did as she said and then just waited, sitting on the hospital bed. Suddenly you heard a voice behind you. "Y/n..."
You turned around and there was Dumbledore.
D: "May I speak with you, Y/n?"
You agreed and followed him into the headmaster's office. He offered you a cup of tea and you accepted.
D: "Y/n, I saw how upset you were. Is this about a certain...boy? I believe you know who I am talking about."
You nodded. There was no reason to lie. Besides, you could use some advice.
D: "You know...A long time ago, when I was young I fell in love. The person I was in love with was...troubled. Very troubled to say the least. I wanted to fix that person but it was too late."
He waited for your reaction. You listened closely.
D: "Seeing you hurt like this...It reminds me of myself. It reminds me of the young man who was trying his best not to lose his way."
Y/n: "And...what did you do at the end?"
D: "It doesn't matter what I did. Y/n, you have a choice to decide and I am sure you will choose what's right."
Y/n: "But how do I know what's right?"
D: "Trust your instinct."
With that you left Dumbledore's office. You stood in an empty hallway, trying to make some sense of it all. You were too scared to admit to Dumbledore that what your heart wanted and what was right were two completely different things. You closed your eyes and all you could see was Tom's face. All you could smell was Tom's scent.
"I wish choosing what's right for me would be easier" you whispered.