Back To You

Chapter 11

Since the first moment you showed up with Tom in public, everyone started treating you differently. You heard whispers everywhere you went. At first it made you uncomfortable because it reminded you of the bullying you've been through during all your previous years but after awhile you started enjoying it. You were the only person Tom liked.
Your friends tried to approach you and talk to you anytime they got the chance but you always pushed them away to keep them safe. Draco was the most persistent, not to mention Mattheo.
D: "Y/n! Y/n, open the fucking door right now!"
You could hear Draco's voice through the door of your room. You stayed silent but after few minutes of him trying to get inside, you just gave up and let him in. He wasn't alone. Draco and Mattheo marched inside.
M: "Are you serious right now? You and him? Y/n, he will ruin you...I know him better than anyone else. He's my brother. You have to believe me..."
D: "I've been telling her this since the start but it's no use. She won't listen."
Draco looked at you with despair. You could see how much he cared about you. He was devastated. Mattheo on the other hand was just completely enraged. He looked at Draco.
M: "Since the start? Y/n, how long has this been going on?"
Y/n: "I-" You hesitated for a moment but then you said "Since I came to Hogwarts."
You were so tired of this, you just stayed sitting on your bed and waited for Mattheo to yell at you. Mattheo and Draco exchanged glances. Draco came closer to you and stroked your hair. It looked like he wanted to say something but then he just walked away and left you alone with Mattheo. Mattheo started pacing the room. He seemed really nervous. Then he suddenly stopped and looked at you.
M: "Y/n, are you and Tom...?"
Y/n: "What do you mean?"
M: "Are you fucking him?"
You gulped.
Y/n: "No, I-"
Mattheo sighed with relief. He sat down on the bed next to you.
M: "You know, I really like you, Y/n."
You looked at him in disbelief. The truth was that you had some feelings for him too. Of course he couldn't compare to Tom and what you felt was completely different. But there was something between you and now when he said it, you felt scared. 'Oh, no. That wasn't supposed to happen.' Your mind was racing.
Y/n: "Mattheo, please, just go..."
Mattheo stood up and sighed. He shook his head as if he wanted to say how foolish you are.
M: "Do what you want, Y/n, but just know that I'll be watching you. If he lays a hand on you, if he hurts you in any way...I won't contain myself. He'll get what he deserves."
He walked away and slammed the door shut behind him. You were just hoping Tom didn't see any of them entering or leaving your dorm. Your night-time lessons with him continued and everything started getting more intense. Not only your feelings for him but also your fascination with black magic and everything forbidden. It was as if Tom got you infected with the evil he had inside of him. It made you feel so powerful and euphoric, almost inhuman. You had no need to sleep or eat, you were only getting darker. Soon you stopped wanting to talk to your friends. Tom was the only person you needed. When you two walked through the hallways, everyone was stepping out of your way. It felt so good to know they fear you. Life was perfect and there was nothing missing. There was just one little thing bothering you. Something that made you so angry with yourself. Mattheo...why couldn't you get him out of your head? Anytime the thought of him crossed your mind, you wanted to slap yourself. 'Wake the fuck up, Y/n! You don't like him. You despise him like you despise everyone else. He's weak. He's nothing like Tom. YOU. DON'T. NEED. HIM.' You were trying to keep this under control, almost torturing yourself. And the anger...the anger that was growing inside of you was slowly eating you alive. You were SO harsh on yourself. You needed to be perfect for Tom. No weaknesses were allowed. 'Tom wouldn't like this' was what you kept telling yourself anytime you did something that you considered wrong. What you didn't know was that even Tom wouldn't be this cruel to you. You were ruining yourself but had no clue. You often caught yourself imagining things. Anytime someone made you slightly angry, you imagined what you would do to them. It didn't matter who it was - professors, other students, your friends...these violent thoughts were comforting to you. Tom could sense how much you have changed and he treated you so well because of it. You were sitting in the common room by the fire, reading a book one night. Tom was sitting in his favourite spot in an old armchair in the corner and you noticed he kept staring at you across the room. Suddenly he closed his book and sighed.
T: "Y/n..."
Y/n: "Yes, Tom?"
T: "Come here."
You came to him. He gazed at you for a moment and then he pulled you close to him so swiftly you ended up sitting in his lap. He gripped your neck and suddenly his lips were against yours, kissing you harshly. You gasped. This was the first time he actually kissed you and it felt better than you have imagined. His hand was still on your neck and the other one in your hair. When you pulled away you both just stared at each other, amazed and breathless. Then he kissed you again, again and again. You curled up in his arms. The two of you just stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Words couldn't describe what you were feeling. He held you tight and let you rest your head on his chest. Suddenly you realised how tired you were. All of those sleepless nights and days full of fighting the war in your mind dawned on you. 'When was the last time I slept? Five days ago? Is that even possible?There must be something wrong with me...' You looked at Tom worriedly.
T: "What? Are you okay, Y/n? You are so pale..."
He touched your cheek. You looked at him.
Y/n: "Tom...I am so tired..."
He carried you in your dorm and laid you down on the bed. Suddenly everything went dark. You fell asleep immediately. You woke up in an hour, all sweaty and shaky because of a dream you had. In that dream, Tom was holding you close to him and caressing your body. He was speaking to you in a seductive voice: "You've got it inside you. The darkness. I can feel it. Y/n...my love...don't resist it. Give in! Give in to me!" His warm hands were around your waist. Suddenly they began to change. They were pale, skinny, with long nails. You looked up at him and... There was Lord Voldemort, towering over you. The dream repeated at least five times that night. You always fell asleep and then woke up in terror. You tried to keep it together the next day. You acted as if nothing happened, but when you came back to your dorm after classes, you let your feelings out. "FUUUUUCK" you screamed, throwing everything around the room. The reason for this was that you started realising how strong Tom's influence on you was. Suddenly he was standing in the doorway.
T: "Y/n...we need to do something about your anger. Come with me. Now."
You followed him through the hallways and into a small door. You've never noticed this door before. Tom pushed you inside and you saw a familiar face. Daphne was standing there. She seemed to be in some kind of trance.
T: "You know what you need to do. You know what you WANT to do. Do it, Y/n. Let the anger out."
You pointed your wand at her.
Y/n: "Crucio!"
She fell down on the floor, writhing in pain. You looked at Tom. He nodded. He approved of what he knew you were about to do next.
Y/n: "Avada..."
You almost said it. But something stopped you. All of a sudden you couldn't speak anymore. It felt as if some kind of a spell, that was put on you, broke. It hit you. This wasn't what you truly wanted. You looked at Tom. Your heart was breaking, but you had to save yourself. You ran out of the door and through the corridors, tears streaming down your face. Tom was chasing after you, screaming at you to come back but you just couldn't stop running.