sᴡᴇᴇᴛs . sɪᴍᴘʙᴜʀ

thirty four . i'm sorry

I scowl at the back of his head before walking over to my own desk. I greet James and set my mug down, but I don't let go of the handle, I just stare at it. Maybe today was just different and I was done with her ignoring me, I let go of my mug and turn my head, Y/N's cubicle across from mine. I take a deep breath, convincing myself to walk over.

"I miss you" I tell her, anxiously looking down at her. She looks up at me, she was done with me trying to say sorry. "I miss kissing you-- can.. can I kiss you again? Can we--?" I beg, my voice hushed and embarrassed.

She stands up, and for a second I really thought she was just gonna kiss me then and there, but she doesn't. She grabs me by the shirt and drags me to the stairwell. Right after the door shuts, she replies. "I.." She takes a deep breath. "I do too"

"Then why don't we kiss again?" I ask her, wishing she'd just not answer and kiss me. I wish she'd say she loves me.

"Because, you're a murderer"

"We're in a public space, don't say that," I shake my head. "Besides, who cares? That doesn't have to do with loving someone" I ball my hands into fists out of nervousness.

She looks around for a moment before looking back at me. "I'm not gonna love a murderer"

"So you're gonna love Elliot?"

"I don't love Elliot"

"Then why are you over there laughing like I don't exist? Like we haven't kissed-- l-like we didn't love each other! Everything fucking sucks without you!" I raise my voice, she places a hand on my chest and shushes me, warning me of the echo. I'd shout more if that meant she'd grab my shoulder. "Love me again, please.. love me-- I need you to say it, please.. how the fuck am I supposed to deal with losing you, Y/N?" I plead, placing my hand on hers so she can't retract it from my chest, so she can feel what she was doing to my heart. "I didn't want you to see me how I see myself.. I never wanted you too" I admit. God, I felt like I was gonna drop to the floor and sob.

"I'm sorry but I don't love you anymore.." She whispers, my hand goes limp, she brings her hand back to her side and looks down at the floor.

"That's not true Y/N, and you know it's not true.." I point a finger at her. "You.. you love me, but you don't want to" I seethe, my teeth clenched. "You don't want to love a monster," I step closer to her, she looks up at me, defenseless. "A freak! A weedy, frail, piece of shit--!" I'm cut off by a slap to the face.

"Shut.. the fuck up" She says, her voice low but still shaky, anyone could tell she was terrified.

"Why are you scared of me?"

"Because you killed people"

"But I didn't kill you" I drop my shoulders, calming down from my small rage fit I was having. "I didn't kill you, did I?" I tilt my head to the side, staring at her with a hurt and betrayed look in my eyes.

"No," She replies. "No you didn't. But I don't want to stay and wait until you do" She scowls, poking my chest with her pointer finger, she goes to walk out but I grabbed her wrist. "Let go of me"

"No, no I won't. I'm not gonna let you go, because I know that if I do.. you'll leave me"

She sighs and her annoyed attitude dissappears. I was still tense, terrified, scared she'll leave me. "I said let me go, Wil" it no longer sounded commanding, more like a plead.

"You'll leave me" I repeat.

"That's what's supposed to happen. I'm supposed to leave and live my life without you, while you do the same. So let it happen.." She looks back at me, my grip on her wrist loosens, not enough for her to escape.