always been yours. (shubhman and ishan ff ) oneshot /twoshot book ishman

we were not supposed to fall in love(oh we were!!)

We were not supposed to fall in love
I was not supposed to fall in love with you..
you were supposed to look away as soon as I looked back at you and I was supposed to pretend to be oblivious to the fact that you were looking at me..
for, you weren't supposed to look at me the way you did
for, we were supposed to be disingenuous to every bit of that raging, powerful, ever growing
ocean of emotions within us
my eyes were not supposed to find yours from where ever I was
and yours were not supposed to follow me to  every where that I was present. 

for ,you were not supposed to be where I was
and I was not supposed to ever muse if you were there for me..
but .. Yet,
you did look at me.. and I did Know that you were looking..
yet, you did follow me and I did seek you..
yet, despite all that should've separated us you never backed away..
and I did know that you were there.. in each step I took.
and despite all the knowledge, all the barriers both self made and excepted of us.. we could not stop, not when after a long duration of being all that both of us were expected to be I finally got to know you,
You! not just the idea of you,
you, in all flesh, blood, mind and heart..
and I got to know not any level of barriers, expectations or notions could ever stop my soul from reaching out to yours.. because In my heart I believe that actually were supposed to be meet.. to love..to live together,
because if not you I would not know, whom could I imagine my world with, because you and only you, feel a lot like something I was achingly, unknowingly trying to find, at all the wrong places.. in all the wrong people..
you seem like a place I finally fit in.. so be it something I wasn't supposed do..
I still did and there is no other way ill have my life to be. there is no way I can regret loving you..

because love isn't something that comes with a laud siren and a lot of logic..
it isn't like the lists and charts that I keep to track everything, always.
i suppose it might be a lot like all the literature that you read..
it is not something that me and you could have a control on..
it is not something that anyone else could control for us..
it's not something that can be packed within barriers and closed boxes and kept in the dark.. we should know for we've tried all of it and more..
love can't be contained in supposed to's and responsibilities..
it's a lot more that what we know..
it can't be like responsible, serious, stick ups like me and you singularly it has to be something like us.. us together like calmness, comfort, fun, giddy, childish, impatient and much more.
so here I am today baring my soul to you.. knowing you are here with me on the same boat as I am, knowing you'd tell me that I've told all of it many times before as well.
knowing that you not so secretly love these rants of mine.

for, I know I I've found love in that hard-set jaw, when you are dead set on something you want to prove, in that deadly stare when you fight for what's right, in that annoyed glint in your eyes when things are not working to that giddy smile when you do something you're passionate about.. with your passion, and willingness to go to extents for what you wish to do, with your focus, with your childishness, with your insecurities, with your laughs, tears,  fears and joys
and definitely, with that small hidden blush that you'd not ever accept and id forever tease you about.
we were not supposed to fall in love.. but there is no way all of this between us was made to be left just like that.
there is no way that I can think of that I could not fall in love, this desperately, unalterably, ineradicably and immeasurably with you.. that I could just let you go.. without you knowing all that you mean to me after knowing all that you are..
maybe we were not supposed to fall in love but there is not one fibre within me that would ever regret it.. I've accepted it a lot earlier and I'm more than okey with finally being what I'm not expected to be, because I've finally realised that love is a lot about not giving up,
a lot like/about having a purpose.. about not leaving in between and challenging even your own self many times.
so I love you on purpose.. with my soul, heart and all the determination it requires.!!
- yours only shubhi

- by someone who loves to imagine HEA for others/mostly fictional non existing people..

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