nothing lasts - b.e

|10|

Billie picks me up at 7.22 on Monday morning, I know the exact minute because she calls me three times in a row whilst I'm doing my hair.

"I'm coming!" I yell into the phone only to be hung up on without a word.

When I get into the driveway there's unforeseen complication, Raya is standing keys in hand, glowering at Billie's car.

"Uh...good morning", I say to Raya.

"Is it?" Her eyes narrow, "Mom told me I need to give you a ride because your car's at the shop but it looks like Regina George got the same memo"

Billie stares at me through the windshield of her car, she looks impatient.

"I thought I told Mom I had a ride", I swing my bag over my shoulder, trying to look like I'm all in a hurry, "Sorry about that, but don't worry, I'm all set!"

I step away toward Billie's car, but Raya grabs me by the arm.

"Do you want to explain why she is giving you a ride?"

"Um, it's kind of complicated, I'll tell you tonight—"

She holds my arm tighter and waits.

I'm not sure how to explain this to her, I knew I'd have to convince my family more than anyone else that Billie and I were dating, but I thought I'd have a few more days to prepare for it.

On top of that, Raya is the last person I'd want to start with, she's way to shrewd for this shit.

"There's been an... unexpected love development."

Raya snorts, "With her? Did she not bully you last year?"

I shrug, "Forgive and forget right? People change"

"Zee, have you lost your mind? This bitch is gonna mess you up just like Amyra did"

The car door swings open. Billie steps out, whipping her sunglasses off, eyes piercing into Raya's like she's ready for a death match, "Hi", she says, her voice level and cool, "This bitch's name is Billie"

Raya turns on her heel to face her, she's several inches taller than Billie, but Billie holds her own and returns the glare Raya's giving her. I hover between them, my pulse quickening.

"So you're the one who's messed with my sister twice now", Raya's voice is dangerously calm, she prowls around the hood of Billie's car, examining it, "Hmm. Seems like your ride is good as new. Wouldn't it be a shame if my hand slipped?"

She holds up her car key and mimes like she's going to scrape the driver's side door.

"Raya don't—" I begin.

Billie sets her mouth, "I would deserve it, so if that's what you need to do, go ahead"

She steps back, clearing a path towards her car and Raya narrows her eyes even further.

"We're running late", I say, striding towards the passenger side, "Raya please, we need to go"

"Why did you bully my sister?" Raya asks.

Billie's eyes flicker towards me, she has the grace to look ashamed, "I made a mistake"

"A mistake", Raya says with a hollow laugh, "Bullying isn't a mistake, have you apologized?"

By the way Billie exhales, I can tell how humiliating this is for her, "No I haven't"

There's a prolonged silence, Raya staring directly at Billie, unabashedly assessing her, then she turns to me.

I can tell by the fold of her mouth that she's relenting.

For now.

"You call me if she fucks with you", Raya tells me before sending one last glare at Billie and making her way into the house.

Billie gets back in the car without another word, I'm still reeling as I drop my bags in the backseat.

Billie's car is spotlessly clean and sweet scented; there's a vanilla air freshener attached to the AC and the windshield looks like it's scrubbed regularly.

"Your sister looked like she was trying to burn me with her eyes", Billie says in a clipped tone, "If you'd come outside in time, we could've avoided the whole stupid altercation"

I snort, "You know how else we could've avoided it? If you'd never messed with me in the first place"

"I said it was a mistake"

"Some mistake"

Billie pops a piece of gum in her mouth, drumming her fingers anxiously on the steering wheel, "If we're going to be in love, can you please try an run on time", a shadow crosses over her eyes, "I don't need this on top of everything else today"

I avoid looking at her, maybe I should be reveling in her discomfort, but all I can feel is empathy.

I may hate her, but I wouldn't wish homophobia on anyone.

"It won't be that bad", I tap my fingers on the console like this is all very nonchalant; I didn't want her to think I care, "No one really said anything when I came out, just try to act like it's something people should've known all along"

Billie doesn't say anything. The silence between us feels heavy. She clears her throat and says, "Play a song."

"What?", I respond thinking I've misheard her.

"Play a song", she says impatiently, "You've got one for every damn mood, don't you? So play something upbeat. Something that's.. I don't know.."

I know what she's trying to say. Something to get me through this.

I begin to scroll through spotify, hovering over a few options, until I find the perfect track.

"Really?" She asks as 'Fantasize' by Ariana Grande comes on.

I shrug and turn the volume up. "I thought this would be your kind of music"

She scoffed, "Then you really don't know me at all".

"Oh come on. Even if you don't like it, it's upbeat and practically radiates confidence"

"It give off stereotypical movie cheerleader"

"Yeah and you are a stereotypical movie cheerleader", I reply with a smirk, keeping my tone light.

"Fuck you", she says, but her heart's not in it.

"Fine", I say, taking pity on her, "What's your favourite song?"

"I'm not telling you that".

"Favourite movie then. We'll do the soundtrack".

She shakes her head, "No this will work". She flexes her hands on the steering wheel. I pretend not to notice that her knee is shaking.

Is this really a good idea?

When we pull into the school parking lot, my hands are sweating. Billie kills the ignition. "Are you ready?" She asks. There's a slight quake in her voice.

"We don't have to go through with this if you don't want too".

She turns to me with her jaw set, "I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't want to".

We stare at each other from across the console, almost as if we're both hoping the other decides to back down. I know it's not too late to call this off, but I don't want to. I think of my team. Of the haughty St Greggs players. Of the shame I felt when everyone laughed at my car being towed away.

Most of all, I think of Amyra.

"Fine", I say, "Sell this with all you've got".

She snorts, tucking her keys into her bag, "You're forgetting I spend half my time performing, it's you we need to worry about".

I ignore the jab and push my way out of the car. We stand up at the same time, side-eyeing each other across the roof. Already I feel the attention on us, heads now turning our way.

This is going to be the death of me.

•

AUTHORS NOTE:

this is a filler chapter but i will hopefully be updating again tonight, you won't have to wait four months i swear 😭