𝐸𝑢𝑝ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑎－ 𝐴.𝐻

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 48－ 𝑆𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝐺𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑝𝑠

𝑆𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑎

"My name is Sienna Hotchner I am 29 years old and I  am a victim of sexual assault. A so called peer of mine at work called me into his office and proceeded to handcuff me to his desk and rape me. He had a soundproof office so therefore no one heard my screams and cries for help. 3 months later I found out I was pregnant and was scared for my life. I wasn't sure if that baby was his or my husband's. It was my husband's. After my daughter was born I went through postpartum depression. All my past feelings of my rape resurfaced on top of the dealings of being a new mother. I had a day where my mind went blank and all I thought was killing myself. My husband caught me before I could. I have regrets in my life. Not dealing with my feelings head on. But I came here to be around people who have gone through what I have and no feel judged by people. I love my family. I just want to go back to normal. I don't want to flinch every time my husband kisses me. I wanna stop crying everytime he raises his voice just an inch. When he used to tower over me I would lay my head on his chest but now when he towers over me I get scared. I know my husband would never hurt me." I expressed to the group
"Thank you sienna. That's what this group is for. Survivors. Any concerns you have you can address here. Let's all welcome sienna." Mike said
"Welcome sienna." Everyone said
"Thank you." I sniffed
"Alright everyone next weeks meeting will be on Thursday at 2. Have a great day." Mike told the group
"Hey sienna. Jot down my number. If you need anything we are here for you." Mike said
"Thank you Mike. I will." I smiled
Grabbing my purse and keys I walked out getting in the car. Grabbing my phone I saw multiple calls and texts from Aaron.

Hubby: Where'd you go?
Hubby: Sienna?
Hubby: Answer the phone your scaring me
Hubby: SIENNA I WILL TRACK YOU ANSWER THE PHONE
Hubby: baby please just let me know you're alive.
45 missed calls from Hubby
12 missed calls from Dad
6 missed calls from Pen Garcia
10 missed calls from Em
4 missed calls from Mama JJ
4 missed calls from Morgan
2 missed calls from Papa Ross
20 missed calls from Spence

"Shit." I cursed
Pulling out of the rec center i immediately headed home knowing everyone was there. Parking the car I walked up the driveway opening the door.
"You can't track her at all?" I heard Aaron say
"I'm right here." I said
"Oh thank god." Garcia yelled standing up
"What were you thinking? Leaving like that and not telling anyone." Rossi said walking up
"We were scared out our minds mama." Morgan responded
"I went to a support group for sexual assault victims. I didn't wanna burden you guys any more." I said hugging everyone
"You could never burden us sweetie. We love you. Don't scare us like that again." Dad said
"Can I have a minute with Aaron?" I asked
Everyone shook their heads grabbing their belongings and leaving the house.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was? You didn't answer your messages or phone calls. I thought you were dead sienna." Aaron said
"I need a minute. My body is not mine Aaron. I appreciate your help so very much but I need help from people who have been through this before." I replied
"Sienna. I promised I would be here for you but if you don't open up and tell me things I can't help." He sighed
"Well I'm sorry it's hard for me to open up about my feelings. I'm sorry I'm such a fucking burden for you." I cursed
"Don't do that. Don't you dare do that. Don't make me out to be the bad guy. Your not a victim." He said raising his voice
"I'M THE VICTIM. IM THE FUCKING VICTIM IN THIS SITUATION. I AM A DANGER TO MYSELF. You have no clue what goes in my mind every moment. From the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep. In my mind i am a danger. In my head i am a danger. It would help me if instead being insulted for being sick I got help. None of this is ok. Feeling like this. It's not ok. And your rainbow and sunshine is not helping. Pushing my feelings down isn't helping. If I keep pushing my feelings down if I keep everything bottled up you are gonna have a very hard time of finding something to help deal with those consequences. I love you I do so fucking much but you push and push and I explode. I just needed to be with people who understand my frustrations and have been though what I have. I needed that one moment where I'm not a wife or mother or coworker. I needed to be a person who was raped over and over again. I needed to deal with that. I needed to know what was happening with me. I needed to feel my feelings with people who have been through what I have. That's what I needed. I've tiptoed and tried to not say anything but I can't do that anymore. This is what happens when I bottle everything up. I explode." I yelled
"Well what do you want from me?" Aaron sighed
"Your patience. I would like it if you were patient with me and not just waiting for me to get better because I don't feel I can." I exasperated
"I understand and I'm sorry you feel like I'm just waiting for you to get better because I'm not. I feel like you can get better baby and I'm here for it." Aaron said
"I know. I don't wanna hurt you guys." I said sitting down
Aaron sat down with me grabbing my hand and holding it. I laid my head on his chest as he reassured me.
I can do this
I can be better
He has trust in me so that means I can do it.