13 reasons, Why?

Letter 3: Reaction

I bustle around the house, getting ready to start knitting the Christmas jumpers. I finally find the wool and sit down on my chair, starting to knit. 

A soft tapping noise on my window makes me look up, excited.. 

Maybe Percy wrote back! Or Charlie and Bill. Maybe Fred or George, or Ginny and Ron!

I open the window and Lyra's silky black barn owl flew through the window. I smile soft, I hadn't heard from her in a while. 

I untie the letter from it's leg, with a smile. 

I open it and start ready Lyra's neat scrawl. 

'If your getting this letter, your (pretty much) daughter, Lyra Black has committed suicide. 

Weapon: Large kitchen knife

Time: 5:30am

Body was found in the Slytherin common room by Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy.'

I stop reading, tears already welling up in my eyes. 

No, no, no... She couldn't have killed herself.

I shake slightly. Oh, poor Ron, Ginny and Fred and George... Oh, and Bill and Charlie as well... I wonder if they all know yet. 

'You saw me and shielded your kids away. You whispered to them "Stay away from her, she's probably just like her Father, Sirius Black". I know you didn't mean for me to hear, but I did.'

I hung my head in shame. I know how wrong it was for me to judge Lyra like that. Tears flow from my eyes, she was like a daughter to me, and I can't believe that I will never hear her laugh again.... Or see her smile, or hear her voice... I feel cold hands dug me back into the forbidding waters of the past. 

'A tall, tanned girl with beautiful black hair looked around the train station. She looked about 12 or 13. She spotted a group of redheads and starts to approach them, with her dazzling grin on her perfectly sculptured face. It was unknown to the girl, but one of the redheaded boys (AU: Ron) looked at her, raking in her beauty. She was about to speak up, to introduce herself to them, but was cut off by a soft whispering that she usually wouldn't hear, but with her newly found Animagus form, she could. 

The Mother of the redheads whispers "Stay away from her, she's probably just like her Father, Sirius Black" all the ranga children looked at Lyra with wide eyes now, curious. 

The tall tanned girl tries to ignore the comment and sharp stab of hurt, by flicking her shoulder length black hair over one of her shoulders. Lyra speaks up. "Hey, I'm Lyra Black" Molly Weasley forced a fake smile onto her face and spoke as if the works were being dragged out of her mouth against her will. 

"Hello, love... Sorry, but we really gotta go" The wrinkled lady says, not bothering to start the weak scramble for a plausible excuse. The usually kindhearted woman was already dragging her five children and husband away. 

"Oh, see ya later I guess" Lyra whispers under her breath, but the words were blown away in the wind, never plucked out of the air.' 

I jolt out of the freashing chill of the past, tears subconsciously running down my red and raw checks.  I force my swollen eyes back to the piece of paper that held Lyra's last words. 

'Now, I know I'm being selfish, but I missed your hugs, and it started to make me feel like I wasn't worth your attention.'

Sobs rack through my body, clawing out my throat like desperate prisoners with a pathetic desire to escape their cells. I try to imagine how Lyra Black would have felt through all this. 

'You saying that had confirmed my worst fears, that everything was my fault, that I was just a big screw up.' 

My heart ached for this girl. The girl my whole family had loved. The girl that I had put down, made her feel like she wasn't worth anything. Shame, hurt and sadness pushed me further and further towards the deep, dark hole that was threatening to swallow me up for good. 

'You were telling me to stay away from the one person who was keeping me healthy. It made me feel like you didn't want me to be healthy, like you wanted me to die.'

I can hear her soft voice whisper the words softly, but they claw at my ears. The sharp thorns digging into my heart and ears. I stop for a minute, letting the colourless blood run down my face. (AU: I was talking about tears, but Molly thought it was blood btw).

I listen to the thudding of my heart, beating so hard it was like it was trying to escape the guard house of my ribcage. I take a raspy shuddering breath and force my amber eyes back down to the already tear stained paper. 

'I started to truly believe that you wanted me dead, and it made me so mad, and hurt. I didn't know what to do with myself.' 

My whole body shakes, as I try to imagine what that would have been like. 

Your own Mother dead, and your Mother figure wanting you dead. 

Anger and hurt clawing at you. 

Your perfect skin scratched and scarred, but no blood ever poured out. 

I shudder at even just the thought of that. Pity and sympathy pool at my stomach, but they can't rise. The guilt and sadness is too big, taking up my whole body, as all the other emotions try to move them, to no avail. They just sit there, big and unmovable. 

'Yes, I was horrible, selfish and rude at times, but I like to think I was at least okay at times...'

Bile rises up my throat, but I push it down again, trying to keep my eyes focused on the page, but they were like an untrained puppy, running everywhere and anywhere. 

'I hope you get to experience all the wonders in life that you haven't seen yet.'

I want to throw up. I was horrible to her, and yet she still wishes-wished good will on me? I squeeze my eyes shut, willing back the tears before opening them again and reading on. 

'I want you to know that I don't mind what you did, I understand, I deserved it...'

My heart rips one last time. She thought she deserved all that I did? I'm horrible, bad, disgusting and she still was soft and understanding? 

'You were a Mother to me, and I never got a chance to say it, but I loved you.'

Sadness drenched my body like the tears running from my red and puffy eyes. 

I love you too, Ly.

'I changed my name, after you and your family and Cedric Diggory, my boyfriend..'

My heart swells slightly. She changed her name after me? I always knew she was a sweetheart.

'Kind regards,

Lyra Weasley-Diggory' 

I miss you Lyra Bla- Weasley-Diggory.... 

Welcome to the family, love.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hey my lovies!

I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner, it's just high school is a pain in the ass!

Love, Finn Wilson (Deadpool's Daughter) 

PS: Do you prefer Severus Snape with Lily Potter nee Evans or Lily with James Potter? 

I honestly like the jegulus ship (James and Regulus) and think Lily and Snape would have made a good couple....