Tanner and Esme

Chapter 18 (Tanner): The Pressure Was Building

My mom came out to the car.

"Hi, sweetheart. Dad's out playing tennis. He'll be sorry he missed you."

Dad and I were also healing the rift between us. My bad actions and selfish choices hadn't just hurt Esme, but my parents as well, so it'd been a process of working to make amends all around.

Mom helped Jude jump out of the SUV while I picked up Liora from her seat. I didn't need to bring a diaper bag because Mom and Dad could take both children at a moment's notice without any preparation. They had all of Liora's food, formula and diapers as well as clothes for each child. They also had their own bedrooms here so it was just another home to them. Jude's was green with a race car theme and Liora's was pale yellow with a garden theme.

Walking beside me into the house, Mom watched as Liora made her way over to the toys, Jude following right behind her to his own basket of toys. They both started pulling out their favorites and I smiled at their little conversations -- Jude's I could understand, and Liora's was completely unintelligible except for the happiness burbling through the little sounds only she knew the meaning to.

"Is everything OK, Tanner?" Mom asked quietly, her hand lightly touching my arm.

"Yeah," I said, hoping I wasn't lying. I'd be OK as long as I could determine that Esme wasn't in a serious relationship with an asshole. Well, she obviously wasn't anymore since she'd divorced me, but I was hoping there wasn't another asshole on the horizon. I needed more time to improve myself and to prove everything to her.

I kissed the children goodbye, thanked my mom and took off for Esme. A few minutes later, she opened the door to my knock.

"You look great, Ez," I said.

She laughed at me, refusing to take me seriously. "Messy buns and sweats always make a statement," she said.

On her they did, but I'd lost my credibility with her so she wouldn't believe I meant every word.

"So, what's going on?" she asked. "What came out of Jude's mouth?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, not wanting to know the answer but needing to know. "He came out of his room this morning yelling are you ready for the big deeeeeee?"

At that, Esme blinked once, twice...and then burst out laughing. "I'm going to have to kill the man! He has no concept about children picking up everything. I've already warned him but he just doesn't get it --"

"He's around them a lot?"

Please say no. Please say no.

"He's over here just about every day. The children love him."

No, no, no. I swallowed hard.

"Maybe...maybe he shouldn't talk about giving you the big D in front of our children?"

Her eyes widened and turned confused as if I was speaking a foreign language. "What did you say? Or rather, what did you just imply?"

I had the sinking feeling I'd just stepped off a cliff and I was in the middle of a freefall, heading for the deadly, sharp rocks below. 

"I'm sorry, Esme. I just...I thought..."

"You thought I was seeing him, and I'd let him talk about dicking me down in front of our children?"

"No! No! Not...shit, Esme. I'm sorry. I was thrown this morning when Jude came out yelling that phrase. I didn't know what to think, what it meant, and I don't think you'd do that."

Her hands went to her hips, but three knocks in rapid succession came on her door, and she arched her eyebrows at me. "Come in!"

"Are you ready for the big DEEEEEE?" a man yelled as he walked into the room. He walked over to Ez and planted a big, smacking kiss on her cheek and then handed her a Starbucks bag.

"Hey, little E!" his big voice boomed. "Got you your Starbies! One caramel latte and one cheese danish, as always!"

What? This was a regular thing? Such a regular thing that he knew her Starbucks order? She wouldn't let me get her anything but this guy could?

"Thanks, Big," she laughed with that sweet smile I used to get. I was determined to get it back, but I may have set myself back after today. Shit.

Mommy always laughs and then he gives her a big kiss.

Then he turned to me. "You must be the short people's dad! Little man and baby girl look just like you! I'm Big Daddy. Nice to meet you!"

He held out his hand to me and shook mine enthusiastically. Then he turned to Esme and shot his thumb in my direction, a huge grin on his face. "How about with this one? Now would you consider it?"

My wife blushed. Blushed so red I thought she was going to turn purple. What the fuck was going on here? I felt like I was missing something.

"No!" she laughed. "It's never going to happen so you can give up thinking it will!"

His laughter filled the apartment. "Can't blame a guy for trying! I gotta get to church, so good luck studying today. Let me know if you need me to quiz you on anything. I'll stop by tomorrow to say hi when the short people get back."

He planted another big kiss on her cheek and walked out of the apartment, making me feel like I'd just survived a tornado.

"That's Big Daddy," I said.

"That's Big Daddy," she confirmed. "Not at all what you're thinking. Just a good friend."

"What did he mean when he asked if you'd consider something with me?"

She blushed bright red again. "He has this thing he's into. He told me about it one night when we were talking relationships and you had the children."

Why is he over here keeping you company? I'll keep you company if you're lonely.

"What thing is he into? Is it dangerous?"

She was actually purple now. "No! Not at all -- nothing like that. He...he...he likes to share women. Likes to direct the action with a woman and another man...or another woman, too, he said. He's been teasing me about trying it."

"No!" I figured my head was about two seconds from exploding and the No! was the first bit to escape as the cracks started forming. It just burst out of me without my brain's permission.

That got me an unfriendly look. "Tanner, I told him that I was definitely not into sharing or being shared, especially since sharing ended my marriage."

I was a dead man walking. But she wasn't done with me yet.

"Besides, right now, I'm just having fun dating and keeping it at that."

Dating? Esme was dating? 

She misread the look on my face. "Oh! It's all completely transparent to the children. I only date on the nights you have them. Jude has no clue about anything. I'm keeping to the agreement that we won't introduce anybody to the children until and unless it gets serious and the other parent has met them."

My mind was stuck on Esme dating. Going on multiple dates. Esme had been going on multiple dates? With multiple men? And it didn't sound like this was anything brand new. It sounded like it'd been going on for a while, at least.

More cracks were forming around my skull and the pressure was building. OK, Tanner, rein in your jealousy and make sure she's safe.

"Are you...are you being safe, Ez? Like where are you meeting these guys?"

She waved a careless hand. "Yes, Tanner. I'm being very safe and meeting them at restaurants. I've never let one over here yet."

Yet? Yet? How close to yet was she?

"But how are you meeting them?" I pushed. I hated thinking of her on dating apps where who the hell knows what kind of assholes there were waiting to pounce on a beautiful woman.

"Oh, your mom's been introducing me to some of her friends' sons or some nice men she knows through church."

At that, my head fucking exploded. Kaboom!