𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐲 - 𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘫 𝘢𝘶

6. to be so lonely

10:21 PM

"Nini! Gina!" I ran downstairs and saw Nini dancing on Gina. Damn. "Nini! Nini!" she was drunk as fuck.

"Yeah?" Nini asked.

"Where's Nat?" Her face grew pale. "Oh you bitch." I cussed. I'm very protective of her. That's not a rule, that's my life.

"Ricky! I'm sorry!"

"That's the only thing I cared about today! Fuck, Nini! What if she's lost? What if she's fucking getting raped! Nini, what the fuck." I knew she didn't mean it, but I trusted her.

Nini, Gina and I went around and started looking for her. Divide and conquer. "Nattie! Nattie!" I can't breathe. I can't even find her. She's nowhere. I'm gonna have a panic attack. I'm gonna literally collapse.

"Ricky, calm down. Let's just ask some people. I see Thiago, we can ask him." Gina suggested. We're gonna ask that douche. Fine, geez.

"Thiago!" His eyes then caught mine. I'm not gonna lie, Thiago was hot. Not as hot as EJ, but hot. He was so hot, even he knew he was hot. "THIAGO"

"Wassup Bowen?" he smirked. He's drunk as fuck, but I need to find my sister. Drunk or sober.

"Where's my sister?" I asked.

"I was with her like three minutes ago." Three minutes ago? Wait, he was with her.

"What the fuck did you do?" Sometimes, I wonder where he got his mentality from.

"I was just hanging man, yo chill." Hanging? By what means.

"Thiago, what the fuck? She's literally like fourteen." Gina told him.

"She didn't tell me that! She said she was sixteen!"

"Does she look sixteen, bitch?"

"Ricky!" I turned to see EJ Caswell with my sister. "I found her!"

"Nat! What did he do?" She looked...mad. But not at him, at me. As if I did something.

"Ricky, what the hell. Nothing happened, it's fine! Why are you embarrassing me?"

"Nat, I said three rules and you can't even follow one?"

"What the issue? I'm a big girl now! I don't need you!" That hit me deep. I felt like a hole was just carved into my stomach.

"I'm just trying to protect you!"

"I don't need you to protect me," Yes, you do. "I can defend myself."

"Just get in the fucking car."

12:18 AM

"Go away," She knew it was me. I don't know why she's mad at me so much. It's not my fault I love her.

"Can we talk?" I asked, a bit calmer than at the party.

"No, just leave me alone! You always embarrass me! God, I'm not a baby anymore!" She sounded like she was crying. No, she was crying. "And stop calling me Nattie, god you make me sound like a five year old."

"Nat, let me in. I wasn't trying to embarrass you, I'm trying to protect you. People in the world are really dangerous."

"And you think I don't know that?"

"I know you know that! But some people are good at hiding it." She opened the door and I saw her red puffy eyes. "I know you are a big girl. Your in fucking high school! But you are my sister and even when you're an adult, I'm gonna protect you. I care about you."

"I know you do, that's the problem. You care too much. You're so invested in my life, I need to figure out what I want." I wasn't on the verge of bursting into tears because she was wrong, but because she was right. I do care too much.

"And why is that an issue?"

"Because Ricky, I am not 'Nattie' anymore! I'm Natasha! Nat! I'm not a little kid who needs to look down every time she walks. I wanna make new friends. I wanna find a boyfriend, and you just have to accept the fact that I can do those stuff too." I took everything she said and swallowed it whole. Rule 15: Just listen.

"And I know that-"

"But do you?" What does she even mean? "You take my life and make it yours! You put yourself on this pedestal when it's not even your problem! Me dating Thiago shouldn't be your business."

"You're DATING THIAGO?" her eyes widened. "No, no, NO!"

"See! You-"

"Nat! Fucking no! I don't care if he's a good person! He's literally two years older than you! That's illegal!"

"He's a minor like me!"

"Who will be an adult next year! Nat, open your eyes!"

"It's opened! Not everything is about you!"

"Okay, fine! You don't want me to care? Fine! Tomorrow, get to school by yourself! Go pack your stupid lunch by yourself and don't talk to me! Don't ask me for fucking lunch money! Don't ask me for nothing! Nope. Nada!" I went out of her room and slammed the door.

Fuck it it's fine.

12:57 AM

I got a call from...EJ. Wow, really? I splashed some cold water on my face, so it didn't look like I was crying, because I was. Rule 16: Don't reveal yourself.

"Hey EJ." I sighed.

"Hey, are you okay? About like your sister? I heard what happened. Thiago told me his new girlfriend was your sister."

"No, it's not, because I'm not letting it happen." I softly replied, with a bit of bitterness.

"You okay? Like you look like you've been crying."

"Yeah, I'm fine." But nobody's ever really fine.

"No you aren't. Go open your window, Bowen." He then declined. I looked out my curtains and I gasped. Why is EJ Caswell climbing my window? It's also like 1 Am and it's raining like crazy. I opened it and grabbed his waist to pull him inside. "Hey, Bowen."

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I was gonna ask how he knew where I lived, but I don't even wanna know.

"I came to see you." EJ smiled. "Ohh to be so lonely, Bowen. You look so cute when you're sad." Cute?

"Don't sugarcoat it, Caswell." I lightly said. I turned around so he didn't see my face. I put my hood over my head and sat on the bed, and hugged the pillow.

"What's going on?" he asked. "You can talk to me." But can I?

"What are you doing? Why are you talking to me? I'm a fucking mess. I ruin peoples' and make everything about me. Why am I fucking here? Like I don't wanna be here anymore." I just start bursting out crying like I'm a psycho. He grabs my body and pulls me into a hug.

"Shh, shh, okay, calm down. Breathe. Breathe." And I do so. I listen to him and then, I don't even know all of the rest. His hands fall into my curls and stroke it. I didn't feel calm. I was getting there, but I wasn't. "Who told you that?"

"This place. The people. My family. Me. I can't fucking do it. I don't wanna go to school next week. I don't wanna be here. I wanna go back to Massachusetts and be with Jet and Maddox." I cried into his chest.

"Hey," he grabbed my face with his hand and made me look him in his eyes. His eyes calmed me. I was calm. "You must be so clueless if you think you're worthless, because you are so lovely."

"Don't lie-"

"I may be a lot of horrible things, Ricky Bowen, but I'm not a liar. You...you are an amazing person and it'll get better. I know this transition from homeschooled to public is probably super hard, but you have to trust the process." Okay EJ Caswell. Rule 17: Trust the Process. "Okay? You're an amazing guy."

"Thanks, I guess," I shrugged and dug my head into the pillow.

I'm on the Outside of the greatest inside joke