I Would Want To See You One Last Time.

Piece 6

        History. It's always history class. My teacher slammed a book down on the desk next to me to wake me up, the loud noise causing me to jump for what felt about thirty feet in the air out of fear. I mean, no shit that would scare someone, you'd have to be made of titanium for that not to. I can feel my heart racing in my chest after she did that and the class staring at me makes my face burn up. I hate being stared at.

       "I let you sleep, Winter. People even tried to wake you up." My teacher says in a neutral tone with her naturally grave voice. Her head is level with her stance but she's looking down at me through her reading glasses. I can see every wrinkle on her skin from here and smell that still alive but almost dead scent she gives off without even knowing it.  She has freckles all over and her skin looks so wrinkly, to the point it looks like it can stretch on for miles. 

       I don't say anything to her comment and just look away from her sharp stare. She walks off back to her desk and looks at her computer. No one says anything, occasionally glancing at me. I feel all of their glances and stares on the back of my head. 

       The bell rings in my ear, finally letting me out of this classroom. I pick my bag and history folders up and rush out the door to lunch.

       "I swear I'm going to kill someone." I start the lunch conversation with.

       "I call dibs on getting killed first." Dally explains with food in his mouth. I try not to give a face at that sight but it's gross.

        "Dally shut the fuck up." Noah says in a flat tone then looks at me, puts a hand on my shoulder, and says in a therapeutic tone, "What makes you feel that way, Winter?" Dally is just looking back and forth from Noah and I and I couldn't help but smile a little.

        "My fucking history teacher. I was sleeping and here she came, slamming a book on the table next to me! Then she goes to say that she let me sleep." I'm talking too loud but I don't care who hears. "And her fucking tone!" I say rolling my head back then up again, "She speaks to me like a- like a- a- I don't know! But god, do I mistake her for a fucking goblin half the time!"

          Dally and Noah are both just looking at me, Noah's hand still on my shoulder.

         "Ahem! I mean, she just makes me a little mad. You know? Just a little." I give off an obviously fake smile.

        "Have you tried anger management classes? You really need them." Dally asks.

        "Oh really?  Have you fucking tried rehab? I believe you could really use it." I say, but I feel everything tighten up the moment I finish saying that impulsive thought.

        I watch his face change in the blink of an eye, "Are you fucking kidding me, Winter? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dally asks, very clearly upset at what I had just said. I didn't mean to say that, I think about saying but I know nothing will calm him down this time. I can only hope that he doesn't do anything.

        "Nothing is wrong with me!" I scream back and wonder why I'm screaming. Why am I burning-

        "Something is fucking wrong with you and your drug-addict friends! Maybe if you didn't fucking hang around them, Noah and I wouldn't have to pick you up off of your ass every few fucking months!" I kept yelling. People are starting to look, I can feel it. I can feel them. I feel their prickling and burning eyes on me, which only makes me burn up more. It hurts, it all hurts. 

       More words are bubbling up at the back of my throat. Maybe it's just a scream, if I open my mouth right now, I know I'm just going to start gurgling noises. I'm feeling too many emotions to form words. It felt good to scream, to give off rage, to argue. Too good. I feel like my parents.