Forgotten

Chapter 61

~20 minutes later~

We started heading over to the rover, the thing she was the most excited to do at Nasa.

Faith: "Hey I'm going to head to the restroom."

Ariana: "You want me to go with you!?"

Faith: "No you're fine I'll catch up with you I won't take too long."

Ariana: "You sure? Courtney or Victoria can go with you?"

I could tell that she was concerned about everything going on in my life.

Faith: "I'll be fine, I'm not going to do anything stupid." I kissed her.

I slowly walked away and looked back to make sure I was in the clear and headed in the opposite direction from the restroom.

I feel sick and tired, for all the shit I made her go through in the past month. Am I happy not in the slightest, I have too many thoughts running through my mind. Emotions that are getting harder to suppress.

Faith's thoughts: "I don't want to burden you anymore than I already have Moonlight."

What hurts me the most is that she knows I'm going through shit. Here I am telling her I'm God fucking okay when I'm not. I messed up so many times I caused her so many problems, I knew I was going to hurt her and I didn't stop myself.

Fighting and yelling at her, assaulting her ex boyfriends, almost getting her in an accident and physically hurting myself to the point she worries. All I am is a problem that she has to deal with, I sometimes think she's better off without me.

Faith's thoughts: "Are you better off without me? What if you never went looking for me, you wouldn't be worrying so much."

I thought about it so many times, I played so many scenarios in my head. It might be me but in every single one where I wasn't in her life she was happy.

I walked and walked as far away as I could thinking, holding back the frustration and tears. I didn't know where the hell I was going but away from all of this from everything.

Faith's thoughts: "Abuelita what am I supposed to do!?"

I walk out of the building and run as fast as I can to another building, I walk inside frustrated, throw and kick everything I can see. I left a disaster all around and I almost punched the wall only to stop myself and collapse against the wall. I was surrounded by stars in a dark corner, holding my knees against my body hiding my emotions.

I didn't know how long I was gone, I lost track of time. It wasn't until my phone started buzzing like crazy. That I knew I was gone for way too long then, I pushed away my phone so I won't have to hear it. It hurts having to hide in my hoodie, when you know you're the one to blame for. I can't let anything good happen to me because I ruined what happiness I have, like I shouldn't be feeling this?

That's bullshit because every year I feel like shit, but it hasn't been this bad since niko. Mom telling me what I should do with my life!? What goddamn right does she have to tell me how I should live it!! Abuelita has Cancer and I can't be next to her, and I dragged Ariana in the middle of all of my problems. I'm not perfect, no one is, I just want it to go away, I don't want to hurt anymore, and I don't want to cause her any more problems.

~Hour later~

The only thing lighting up the room where the stars and dim lights, I stayed in the room quietly. It was beyond the point to go back, but the stars do look beautiful. I can hear the rain outside hitting the building.