The black string of friendship〰️

Chapter Four: Losing a family... friends... and oneself

and as usual in every chapter... I like to start with some complaints... with carefully chosen words.
.... This time.. my complaint touched my heart.. and I kept thinking about
it for a while
.. A young man called Alfred came to me
He tried to talk to me and befriend me... but I didn't know how to deal with something like this effectively... I don't have it
Prior experience... or previous dealings... or advice that I can benefit from
If I lived a normal life, I would ask my mother about a situation like this
There is a strange young man... How do I deal with him... How do I get rid of him... Or how do I become friends with him??
I thought repeatedly about taking a step like this and going to ask my mother
.. But I was scratching my head.. How do I start a conversation with her?
What should I tell her?
Should I ask her for advice?? Or is it better to be silent?
Shouldn't she tell me how to act in a critical situation like this?
..I was between two fires
Should I ask her despite her neglect and lack of interest... and bear her rebuke?
Or should I resort to her advice... and just try to act on my own? ...I'm not very good...and I need someone's advice...like the advice Marin told me.
I also fear that my parents will find out about something like this and scold me, or even kill me
It was a confusing issue between me and myself...but the argument was effectively resolved when I found that no one cared about me.
...As if they were not home... I did not tell anyone
...But..if you give me the best,
.. I choose Alfred to be my friend
...He seems kind and chivalrous...in addition to being handsome as well .. It's wonderful that someone like him comes to me himself to talk to me Am I so beautiful...??
Or is the matter ambiguous... and relates to a previous relationship between him and marin...???
Why doesn't he want me to stay with marin?
Is she a hypocrite?? Is it bad?? Or does he hate her for some reason?
...I don't know
...I don't understand
...I'm so ignorant
.. I am.. trapped inside a circle of thoughts and questions
..But...there is a key that opens this circuit
...Coming out of it, I find that I am inside a circle with a larger diameter
...and it is
..The issue of my parents’ absence....and what happened between them
yesterday
I am in the vicinity of my room... and there is no one in front of me but my mother after she grabbed me by the arms and put me in her
...and closed the door
.. I was terrified
...And my heartbeat began to increase... and I felt very nervous
My forehead is causing sweat... How did she suddenly come... and why are we here??
..I cannot describe what I am in
..And I am like a calf in front of a slaughter
...He knows it's his end...but he can't escape
...My mother looked at me
....and looked at my appearance...and I was shaking and getting more and more nervous
..She was looking at me carefully
...Then she suddenly approached... took me in her arms
...a strange act that I did not expect Why are you hugging me??
Is this really my mother??
....Isn't this?
That warm embrace.. that I haven't felt for months?? But years...???
She hugged me quietly and gently
...My heart calmed down...the tension subsided and moved aside
...and I began to feel a strange psychological comfort
...I haven't felt it in a long time
Is this hug the end of the problems between you and my dad???? Will we start and live together as a happy family??
Will I see your daughter again??? Are the problems over...??
...My mother hugged me more
...Then she said gently: Get ready, my daughter
..I ask you to endure that difficult day
We are about to officially divorce...and I ask you to come with us today to the family court...until we finish...
.. The case ..and we resolve the custody debate
.. The official authorities will require this.. You are under the age of 18
Well...it was the calm before the storm
It was tension, followed by calm and tranquility, followed by shock
... A difficult shock.. I wish no one could hear it
.. It is the moment of official separation... and the beginning of my custody period
Are you deceiving me, mother?? Will you calm me down for a moment??
Do you hate your daughter’s psychological well-being?? Are you preparing for a bigger disaster than we are in?? Was the hug Just a ladder to the beginning of what's worse???
Couldn't you hug me for a little longer? Can you extend the period of psychological comfort more?? No
Can my heart be calm and my mind be silent?? Couldn't you lie and tell me that we..
We will be happy again??
..Didn't you want to see me smile and laugh like before??
Can't I get some clarity of soul and mind??
......it is not possible
To live like other people???
...It was literally the worst day of my life
...nothing worse has happened in my life like this
...I know I said this word more than once
...But the previous days are worth nothing compared to that day
...When I was in front of the door of the family court
..and I hear the issuance of the official divorce ruling
..and I am sitting here.. lying on the chair
The tears ran out... my face dried up... and I couldn't cry any more
It was a dark night when the procedures continued for many long hours... and I was sleeping on my own
... the chair
Passers-by see me... and think I am a beggar... or an orphan
... hey my mother and my father
.. If you are not responsible enough to raise me and improve my psychology
Why did you bring me to this life??
Is it a source of pride to be called only a father or mother??
Don't you know that it is a big responsibility that you will be held accountable for, father...???
Don't you know that you destroyed everything in my life, mother??
.. You both really spoiled me .. And the blame lies only with you
.. I .. I hate you both
...I hate you both as much as you hate me... even more
Some adrenaline pulsed within me... resulting from these thoughts
..which pushed me like crazy...to get out of this black place
...And I ran away from him like a mentally disturbed person
....I could not stand to stay here any longer..and hear more statements from the court judge
....So I made my decision to escape from there
...I don't know where I'm going...and what I'll reach
..But as it happened in the beginning
...So my zero point was the river walk
...RiverWalk...where all dark memories meet
...Where I remember everything that hurts
...the river walk...where I met my friend Marin
..who i did not find
... I did not find that person to whom I always complain
.. that storehouse to which my sorrows aspire
...I did not find a trace of that heart... that stands next to me and supports me... or belittles me with its kind words. ...I feel betrayed...actually betrayed Wait... Didn't we agree to meet at six o'clock??
Why is she not there?? Is she a fake friend?
Or has the time passed beyond the agreed upon time??
I looked at the watch which was 12 pm... and time was running while I was in court and had forgotten about myself
.. truly
Doesn't this mean that I am the traitor here?
.. I was the one who violated the appointment ... I am the one who…
( !!!!!!It is enough )
Someone shouted behind me... (Enough crying!!!!! Enough self-flagellation!!)
...I turned to him quickly
..There is nothing that warrants all this crying and these complaints.) (!What is with you ??
He stopped not far away and asked this question
He...is personally Alfred...then he said
“...There is no need for all this...life is not worth all this.” !!! Is he underestimating my problems or what?
...We both fell silent...and we kept looking at each other for a while
!! What did he bring? He is following me
..and here
..The serious chat between us began
.. alfred began saying: I offered you friendship and you refused
.. But
I shouted at him, forcefully emptying everything inside me: Who are you!!! What do you want !!! Why do you follow me?!
Alfred furrowed his brow: You are still afraid of discussion!!
Julian: Why am I discussing you !!! You are one of the obstacles in my
life
...Alfered was silent...then he said quietly: The truth is that it is not me
...In fact, she is your friend...Marin
She became even more angry. Then she shouted loudly: What do you want from her?!! Are you blaming me for something between you both!!
What do you mean by your words?
.. Alfered: I hope you will be guided.. This is not the case at all
....It's all just …
Here alfred looked down and said:
...You are beautiful.. prettier than anyone in the class.. even at school.. even more beautiful than everyone I have ever seen in this world
I loved your calmness, your simplicity in your life, your minimal talk, and your moderation in expressions.
...You are not the bad person as you think .. You are far better than this.
You may be going through difficult things in your life, but since the beginning of this year, I would like to meet you face to face.
..and that we become friends together
... It was a difficult step.. and I never started it
.. Except when I found this danger was approaching you little by little
And then I made my decision... that I had to warn you of this imminent danger
julian was silent... and she felt that there was something really suspicious about these two... so Alfered continued.
..It was not limited to my admiration for you only...but what is more important
..I fear for you this friendship into which you fell
...And from here I gathered my strength to talk to you here
And I ask you to do this over and over again... just to protect you
... Julian: You talked a lot... and you did not give any reasons or justifications
alfred was silent... and he looked worried and sad... then he said: Do
you really want to know?
.. Julian: Of course.. Otherwise all your words will be nothing but myths
Are you going to tell me that Marin is a hypocrite?? Or did she betray you in a silly love story? Or is she a killer?? What do you mean
exactly ?
...Alfered smiled and said: No, it is not like this at all
But...if you want the truth..here it is in front of you
...Marin...is not a normal person...in fact, she is the worst she can be
.. Unfortunately, the matter was not in her hands.. and it was beyond her control
julian was surprised and then said: What do you mean?? what do you
want to say?
Marin is the kindest person I have ever met in my life... and I have never seen any negative attitude from her... Are you hallucinating??
.. Alfered: This is not the case
..But..the disease is not diagnosed so simply
...but it is more complicated than that
..Listen, Julian..Marin suffers from a psychological illness...resulting from trauma in her childhood
You may not have heard of it before, but it is called cyclothymia or
bipolar disorder, and
.. She was infected with the worst kind
I can hardly swear to you that Marin personally does not know... and therefore... do not talk to her about something like this.
julian was silent and thought... as if she was translating this name literally... then she said: What is the problem?
?? We all change our mood..Is this an active disease or are you making up??
Alfered: No... it's not as it seems... but it's worse
...We all go through, Julian, difficult situations...in which we feel sad...and pleasant moments...in which we rejoice.
...Our moods fluctuate depending on physical or environmental changes around us
...According to this rule, we are normal people
...But if it breaks... know that there is danger
When the mood fluctuates from one moment to the next... from extreme happiness and joy to deep depression... in a way...
...not suits the circumstances surrounding you
There is a defect that causes these symptoms...which results in this disease
Julian: Well.. marin is sick with mood swings.. What’s wrong with it??
What is the danger to me??
...Alfered: I haven't finished speaking yet
...The matter does not lie in these normal symptoms...which normal people may suffer from
...But there is something worse
Here... the symptoms of this disease are accompanied... in moments of happiness and joy... by severe overthinking.
A high IQ...with unusual activity in movement...and an unlimited
collection of thoughts
...different and diverse things that have nothing to do with each other This may seem beautiful... which led to marin winning the iQ competition
At those times, you will feel that marin talks a lot and exaggerates her feelings of happiness and optimism.
..and what is similar to those symptoms that resemble madness
...But in the case of depression, things will turn 180 degrees
.. to a feeling of despair and frustration .. and deep depression .. with crying .. perhaps for no reason.
You will find that she gets emotional quickly and gets angry at the slightest thing
She hates all her interests and everything she likes to do...which results in a feeling of boredom while stimulating negative thoughts and lack of... ...the ability to sleep
...It is a hideous mental illness...and what's more is that she is one of its victims
...She was listening carefully to Julian...and analyzing every word he said
He quickly finished speaking...until she said: If she is afflicted with all this...what is the danger to me??
What's wrong with me dealing with her...??
...alfred was silent, his face turned, then he said: And here are the problem, Julian
These people, quite simply... are always vulnerable to depression... if they are exposed to a period of depression...
.. severe.... and they did not treat it.. or no one brought them to psychological balance
... They simply... may think about killing or committing suicide
They will not hesitate about something like this. Rather, it is the most appropriate solution for them
... Julian's heart suddenly contracted.. and her heartbeat increased
..and I felt terrified...and intimidated by the situation
Then she stuttered the words: Are you serious....????
And here... she began to take Alfered’s words seriously... and squeezed it several times until she was sure they were correct.
...She started to regain her memory
Where our first memories were... in front of the river walk
And then the first words marin said to me were, “I came here to throw myself into the river...and get rid of all these problems"
...She was already thinking about suicide
...And then I remember that moment when we were talking on the phone
.. When she wrote to me with a lot of advice related to youth matters.. and love. And others
...Then it ended with laughter from her and she went on to say a lot of sarcastic words regarding this matter
And at another time... I remember yesterday... or the day before yesterday... when she texted me and told me that she wanted to go out every day.
...places where we can drink, eat, and have fun together
...It's the same thing Alfred tells me
As for the first day of school together... when we were laughing and joking in recess... and she got up when The teacher came to give her a star with honor, and she came back again... and found that her mood was worse than...
Any time.. for any reason.... and never at an inappropriate time
..And immediately after that, she became in a happy mood and texted me because she wanted to have fun and take a walk outside
...I feel that every word alfred said applies to it effectively
...Although Marin is kind...this disease has truly occupied her life
..... But
.... Just a moment
How do you know, Alfred, with all this information??? Where did you get it from???
... Alfered replied: This is what I was waiting for you to ask me about
And this is what I loved about you... which is the purity of your mind and your simplicity with others... and your lack of knowledge of anything.
...you are unique Among people who know everything
...We were all one class...almost since elementary school
As for you, you came recently this year, and you were not with us before
... despite Marin's popularity and her knowledge of many people... she did not have a close friend... for this reason.
Listen, Julian. My father is a doctor specializing in child psychiatry. He
was previously responsible for...
..Marin's condition in her childhood
..and therefore..I know a lot that the rest of our classmates do not know
We were together in our primary school class... and we were all friends, playing and having fun like all children… and Marin ..She looks like a flower that adorns a garden, shining with
her beauty and popularity in our class.
...until a childhood trauma happened to her... and she lost her father after a painful accident... when she was approximately 8 years old.
This matter affected her and her psyche greatly, causing her to suffer from this disease, including mood changes
As states of optimism and joy...and states of happiness and sadness
.. After a period of time had passed since her absence from school due to death, she returned again.
The same body has returned, but the same spirit is no longer
That Marin's true spirit that will never return. She was a wonderful child
by all standards. Full of joy.
...happy.. cooperative.. and smart
...But as soon as she returned after the death accident, the balance of her separation completely changed
She did not leave a student without quarreling with him, hitting him badly, or doing behavior that no one else would do.
..Naturally...in a children's school
One time, she wanted to stick the tip of a pen into the eye of a colleague after she had smeared ink on his face and scratched him.
Another time, in drawing and artwork class, she cut a girl’s hair and intended to hurt her.
...with scissors, but her teacher separated them
And another day.. with one of the young nursery students after he bullied her with his innocence , she kicked him down the stairs and he fell with severe bleeding in his head
The last thing I remember is that she used to come every day with a compass, to hurt us one by one with it.
.. If you remember situations like this, they are truly endless... and there are many, many things similar to this and worse than it
On the other hand, at the same time, you may find her to be a child with an active nature, whose body is restless and has no rest.
..his mind gets tired
..And here the symptoms of her illness appear
...The teacher quickly noticed the many complaints and problems caused by marin
... until she called her mother... and told her of the need to take her to a psychiatrist
..And here was my father’s role... He told her mother that this disease had no cure
.. Marin’s mother was not convinced.. and she was stubborn in the face of my father’s words
Then she decided to try to fix her daughter’s situation in her own way, as she is a psychology teacher.
At that time, Marin's mom began treating her
Speech therapy, talking, behavior modification, and abstaining from punishment.
She prevented her from going to school... and she made a promise to herself that she would not go until she succeeded in her task
..modify her behavior
...And it actually worked
She was very careful with her, never getting angry with her, and did not tell her anything about her illness...or the student’s complaints about her so that she does not lose her self-confidence...if she has any confidence at all.
...As time passed, Marin's behavior became normal, despite the mood swings
.. However, the soul from within has not been healed... and will never be healed
...Marin may appear normal in front of you... and she only suffers from some changes in her mood
..but you do not see the interactions within her psyche..and you do not understand how things are managed there
...You will not know her plans...what she want...what she think...why she do
Her mother became convinced that she could not really answer these questions after she succeeded in behavioral therapy.
She said that what she did was nothing more than organizing her actions outwardly... but she was unable to understand what was inside her... and she did not understand
..Some suspicious behavior that she always do
Julian received shocks, one after another, and she began to cry quickly as soon as she heard these strange things
Marin is oppressed and has no control over what happened... and she may look like an angel from the outside... but there is no doubt that there is
..a monster lives inside her
A monster, part of which is released every day... but there is no doubt that it will emerge completely one day and happen
a misfortune…
julian thought about the matter a lot and turned it left and right She even said her appropriate response:
Even if Marin is sick... and she may kill or commit suicide... she needs someone to be with her... I have to be this one
...I will be by her side and will not leave her. She is poor
We are all sick, whether we are sick in the soul or in the body
No one has survived the disease...not even me
.. There is no one who has not gone to a doctor before... Even the doctor himself visits another doctor
.. Everyone suffers, but in varying degrees
This does not mean that we should leave each other without help.
Rather, we must join hands and try to fix health ..We can fix it!!
Otherwise, there is no importance of us here!!! Or we will all die victims of various diseases
Alfred was silent for a while, then said: But I fear something for you,
Julian.
... What if it suddenly turned over... It's like a monster
.. It can hurt you.. or even kill you
...I'm not joking or exaggerating
...Stay away from danger...your life and psychology are more important
Julian: I apologize.. Life is not important to me.. and my psychology has been destroyed
...and there was nothing left to preserve...except my friendship with marin
.. alfred: Your beauty still exists.. Beauty does not fade away .. Julian: What is its value in a life like this?
.. Alfred: Its value is that it is the foundation of the red thread
That sting that resembles blood... which runs through our veins... and calls out to us... it does not wish to be torn.
...It's the thread that connects us, Julian
.. Julian: I am not tied to anything here.. I do not want problems in my life
Please, Alfred, leave
.. Alfred: No, I will not leave... I
I love you, Julian.. and I want to become friends.. and I fear danger for your life
Julian: Okay, let’s be friends. But don’t ask me to stay away from danger. Marin is not dangerous.
... Rather, she needs someone to help her face the danger
..AlFred: And I fear for you
.. If it had been anyone other than you, I would only tell him without convincing him.. But not you, Julian
Julian: What do you want!! Leave now !!!
.. you know what ?? There is something on my mind more than you and Marin personally! I'm having the worst day of my life.. and you appeared to me like an obstacle.. so leave me and go to sleep
Alfred: What are you facing?? What is in your mind ???
... Julian: Get out of my face.. This is none of your tasks.. You are making me angrier.. and I cannot tolerate anger.
.. I am depressed and this is enough for me... so don’t make me sicker
...Alfred: What disease do you mean??? I just want to help you with what you are going through
.... Julian: I can't stand the pressure, you idiot
.....I am
.... I stuttered in my words... and my crying increased more and more... and I felt pressure from him that I could not get rid of.
...And here was a new door... from which a secret came out... that I did not want to tell anyone about
She shouted at him: Go away, you idiot!!!! I am diabetic!!!
..And here Alfred was amazed
And he looked at the looks of pity... and he replied saying
(Diabetes is nothing but an increase in your beauty... I will accept you in any condition, whatever it may be)
...Then he ran towards me...and grabbed my hand and put things in it that I was not supposed to see
...Then he quickly left
.. As for me... I felt sudden dizziness... and high blood pressure..
...And as soon as I tried to resist what happened to me, the vision in front of me became blurry
...I can't see what's in my hand
...I saw nothing but fog...which was gradually dissipating
...Then blackness appeared...and I closed my eyes
....and fell to the ground