Attack on Titan: Survival and Dedication - Male Reader

CHAPTER FOUR - PART ONE

REPOSE

Year 849
Trost's Garrison HQ

Y/N awoke to the sounds of cannon fire. The deep, bellowing echo brought him to a seated position, startled. His eyes, still blurry and crusted over with muck, slowly adapted to the bright light coming from his window, and just as slowly he realized where he was.
The Garrison decided to thin the herd of Titans outside. Y/N couldn't imagine how many there were now. Last he remembered, there were almost three dozen just pawing at the wall.
A shouted order echoed down the wall. Y/N couldn't discern what was said, nor did he care to know.
His body ached something terrible. Sore muscles kept him from moving as pain danced along each limb and across his spine. Merely stretching his leg resulted in a furious cramp, bringing further pain.
He forced himself to stand, enduring one pain to ease another. As the knotted muscle settled, he eased himself back into bed. He never lied down or shut his eyes. He knew if he did he would have an even harder time getting back up. Besides, the Garrison wasn't going to let up anytime soon.
Slowly and with a hiss, he left a ginger touch on the back of his head, checking the stitches Hange had left him with. Seeing that they weren't broken, he sighed.
The morning sun surprised him. He couldn't remember the last time he slept for so long. It was as if he dreamt another life.
That reminded him. What was it he was so immersed in? The memory slipped from his grasp like grains of sand. He didn't find a point in dwelling on it any longer and so forced himself to stand once more.
He hadn't bathed in weeks. At least, properly bathed. Soap was just as much of an enemy as Titans when in the wild. Water was his best friend at that point. Hot water was even better.
  The first thing to gain Y/N's attention was out of place and brought him discomfort. His pack and gear was placed carefully upon a small crate. He wasn't sure if someone had just walked in and set it down or he slept through them knocking on his door. He was grateful, of course, but the thought made him almost cringe. Even if they had cleaned the blood from it all.

Hot, steaming water surrounded him. Scented bubbles drifted about with each breath he took, crackling and plopping when they clung to his chin or touched the wooden frame of his bath.
  He'd almost forgotten about what his day had in store for him. He looked forward to doing anything but sitting around, but such activities never marked him for death.
  The hot bath helped soothe his aches and pains. Yet as it brought comfort, it brought with it the blank mind open for thought.
  The ODM gear was secure, that much he was sure of. Now he needed to start the process of putting it together, gathering data, refining it, then repeating the process until he was satisfied. As a team, they were able to put together a rough product in two weeks. He didn't dare think of how long it would be done alone.
  When the water grew to be a lukewarm, he stepped out, dried off, and got dressed. He felt refreshed for all but a few seconds.
  As the door creaked open, he flinched, startled by the amber eyes looking up at him.
  "S-sorry." Petra stammered. "D-did you not hear me knocking?"
  "No?" His brows furrowed. Why would she knock in the first place?
  "Oh." She looked visibly relieved. "And... what about last night?"
  "No."
  "Wow. You slept like a rock." She said with a small chuckle. The sound was humorous at first before becoming more awkward when she didn't get so much as a smile out of him.
  "Excuse me." He said politely.
  "Oh, yeah." Petra took a couple steps back, clearing the way.
  When no words were spoken, he could feel her eyes on the back of his head, likely waiting for him to say something or just to stare at his stitches.
  She was such a strange person, he thought. She wasn't crazy, he dealt with enough of that in the Underground to know. She was also in Levi's squad, Levi being one of the most trusted among the Commander's legion. So her having ulterior motives was out of the question. She was indeed strange.
  "I heard about what happened." She attempted to spark up conversation. "Or—a part of what happened. We all thought you were dead."
  He had nothing to say. There was some bits at the tip of his tongue he could let slip, but right now he was more concerned with getting settled in and a hot meal.
  "I tried asking Levi but you know how he is. And I've been hearing nothing but rumors. The people already think you're the next Levi."
  "Why would they think that?" Y/N found himself asking. He didn't try to, nor did he think himself surmounting the Captain.
  "Well... the Commander thought it was a good idea to say you were left behind instead of the story of you going to see what was in some wagon."
  Petra's words were covered in a veil of bitterness. Even she thought it was a stupid idea to do what he did.
  "By the way, what was in that wagon?" She jogged to catch up to him, to gauge what he felt through his (Eye Color) eyes.
  "Supplies." If Levi hadn't told her, he figured it was a good idea not to either.
  "It was pretty heavy when me and the others brought it in." She revealed his late night visitor. "I hope it was worth it..."
  He didn't have anything to say to her apparent disapproval. Although it felt harsh, he found no reason to care.
  "Sorry." She sighed, taking note of his silence and minor shift in expression. "All Levi said was you were attacked."
"That's the gist of it." They came upon his room where a cold draft escaped from under his door. The biting cold was multiplied, rapidly cooling Y/N's scalp and almost freezing it.
"Have I...?" She sighed once more, cooling the heated tone she took up on him. He wasn't sure what she tried to convey through frustration.
"Have I done something to you?" She asked again. Her question was genuine, course.
"What do you mean?" He attempted to defuse the situation.
"You're so... bitter!"
Bitter? Y/N didn't realize he had done something wrong. His tone was neutral, his replies short and to the point. He honestly wondered who the real soldier was between them.
"I wanted to ask how you were doing and now you're defensive." She sounded almost offended by his attitude. The lack of a response from him soured her mood further.
"I'm fine." He replied. "I ran into bandits and I took care of it. I don't know what else you want me to say."
"I shouldn't have to push so hard for an answer." She held her head in her hand, expressing exhaustion. "You're acting like you're not even one of us!"
  She shut the door behind them, trapping him. While she stood there, drilling holes into the back of his head, he rummaged through his pack, checking an internal list of things. The most he was worried about was his lighter, money, and gold.
  "You're doing it again..." Petra said with a restrained frustration. After a moment of clarity, she tried a different approach. "What did the bandits want?"
  Her voice was calm but also stern. Without emotions in the way, she tried her best to mimic someone such as Erwin or Levi. She knew he didn't have trouble talking to them.
  "They tracked me through the snow." He recalled as if she were several ranks higher than him. "I tried to run to a nearby grove but they caught up with their horses. One of them hit me, knocked me out cold. I came to in time to defend myself. I killed four. I found out they were scavenging off the dead, taking their ODM gear. You'll see it in my report today."
  "I don't..." She paused again, stopping herself from getting emotional. "That won't be necessary... How are you? I heard you took a bad hit."
  "Sore." He wrapped up the rest of his gear, securing it in place for the next trip he may take. "Starving."
  "Would you... like me to show you where the mess hall is?"
  "Yeah." He turned her way, giving off the air of a professional or well-versed businessman.
  "It's this way." She opened his door and took a sharp turn.
  He was a strange person, she thought. He didn't talk much, and when he did he gave the impression that he didn't want to. He also seemed to consider himself his own person. He didn't interact with his fellow Scouts, he didn't find any interest in their everyday lives, and he especially treated them like anything but. To them he was a growing legend, to him they were strangers.
  Maybe that's what this is all about. Petra thought. She never wanted to believe it when the others said he was in it for the money. She hoped they were rumors, harsh words people took out of context or too far when shared.
Now the rumors seemed to be true.

He didn't seem to mind when she joined him for breakfast. She wasn't hungry but she took her own plate as well. She had a plan.
  Outside the walls, Erwin permitted Y/N's double meals. He did hard and important work for them, it was the least the Commander could do when he walked three hundred kilometers every month. And that wasn't taking into account how far he walked when he went on reconnaissance missions alone.
  "Done already?" She blinked in surprise when he slid his tray aside. He, of course, didn't say anything. He didn't even offer a glance.
  "Here." She said, sliding her tray over. "I'm not hungry."
  "You sure?" He asked with one hand barely grasping the tray.
  "I'm sure." She almost smiled.
  "Thanks." He said, taking her food. That alone turned some heads. Food wasn't something to mess around with when in Trost.
  In truth, Petra had already eaten breakfast. Her house wasn't too far from here and her parents, especially her dad, always made sure she had a full meal.
  "I have to ask..." Petra maintained that professional aura he had. "What happened at that village?"
  "Traffickers lured an Abnormal there." He said in-between bites of his cracker. "They argued so it wasn't their original plan. My guess is someone owed them something and they planned to take it back with interest."
  "What makes you say that?" Petra frowned at the awful news.
  "They were searching for something in one of the houses. They ripped it to shreds. They pulled out the floor boards, smashed the walls. I didn't have a chance to see what it was when a Titan sprung out from the basement."
  "What happened?" Petra asked in suspense.
  "I ran. Without ODM gear I had to play cat and mouse. When I lured it outside I used one of my bombs to blind it, but then it used sound to find me. The thing ran after me like a lunatic, smashing into walls and clawing at the floor. I managed to get it tangled in a second floor before I dropped a bomb in its mouth."
  "It had to have been, what, three meters tall?" Petra's voice was almost in a whisper of awe.
  "Just about." He nodded, finishing his cracker. Washing down the dry but nutritious food, he continued. "After that I burned the village. There were too many dead."
  "I'm sure we would've done the same." She attempted to comfort him to no avail.
  "I don't doubt it." He took a bite from a baked potato, bringing steam from its manila core.
  "Did you ever manage to find any other survivors?"
  "Survivors?" Y/N's brows furrowed into a confused frown. "There were others?"
  "Yeah..." Now Petra was just as confused. "You... didn't know?"
  "Know what?"
  "Commander Erwin dispatched some of the Scouts to try and help clear a way for you." She now whispered. "So, I take it... you didn't see anyone."
  His eyes were in a calm turmoil. Emotions raging within (Eye Color) pits of steel, brewing with a hundred questions slipping from his throat like a bad heart burn.
  They... those Scouts. Lina and Felix. They died... for me? He recalled the harsh words Lina wrote to Mike. How bitter she was, how angry she was to die when she didn't need to. It was all because of Mike, Erwin, and ultimately, him.
"No." He murmured a lie. He remembered a Titan with blood streaked across its mouth, an aunt and nephew stuck in a frozen end, and the many pieces of ODM gear he collected along the way. The very things that weighed heavily on his mind and body, now weighed down his soul.
"I didn't see anyone else..."