His Mafia Queen

Unwanted Changes

He shakes his head, and a little smile spreads on his face. "I had a great time."

I jingle my keys. There was a time in my life when I would've asked him inside. Would've probably fucked his brains out.

But now, I simply don't feel like it. Oh, sure, I can accept that Beckett is a great guy, good-looking and funny. He reads books, which is a big green flag.

I'm not ready, though. Or am I?

"I did too."

His eyes flicker to my mouth. "Riley?"

"Yeah?" I lean back a few inches.

"Can I kiss you?"

Oh, shit. There it is. The moment of truth. My mouth opens and I can't quite close it because I'm thinking of a proper response.

"Ahh, well, Beckett, it's not that—"

"I get it." He shakes his head. "Now it's my turn to apologize. I shouldn't put you on the spot like that. I'm sorry."

He looks so sheepish that I reach out and squeeze his arm. "No! Please don't feel badly. It's not that I don't want to. I'm going through a tough time right now after my breakup, and I don't want to..."

Beckett raises his gaze and meets mine. Something about his expression is so nakedly honest that it tugs at something inside me.

Why am I pining after Gabriel, when he's obviously not thinking of me? Hell, he probably screwed that woman at that party last night. He certainly looked like he did, from that photo. The thought of him touching anyone else makes my stomach do a nauseating flip, as if I'm on one of those rollercoasters that loops upside down.

What the hell am I doing? Part of me wants to run inside, lock the door, and never come out. The other part of me, the wild and irresponsible side, wants the exact opposite.

I do not choose wisely.

Stepping forward, I stand on my tiptoes and brush my lips over Beckett's.

His lips are as gentle as his tone. I can feel his surprise at my sudden change of heart. But there's something about this moment that feels okay and safe. Something that urges me to let go of my inhibitions and live in the present.

We kiss for a few seconds. It's not unpleasant. It's actually quite nice. It only feels weird because he's not Gabriel, and the memory of his kisses are forever burned into my soul. I'm struck with a sudden surge of guilt and sadness, and we break apart.

Beckett's hand cradles my cheek, his touch comforting and pleasant. Dammit, I wish I'd met him instead of Gabriel. A zing of guilt shoots through me at the thought.

"You know," Beckett says. "I didn't expect this tonight, but I'm really glad it happened."

"Me too," I admit, but inside I'm not sure I did the right thing. My stomach feels even jumpier now, and I need to get inside and be alone so I can sit with my big feelings.

He smiles, and his fingers gently brush a strand of hair from my face. "I'm here for you, Riley. Whatever you need. Call me anytime. Or come over to my place. I'm here to talk and listen. I'm serious."

He brushes a kiss on my forehead. "Time for you to sleep," he says gently.

I nod, still a little stunned that I kissed him first. It feels right and wrong all at once, and my head's spinning. What would Gabriel think? Why do I care?

"Night," I whisper, letting myself inside. I lock the door, then rush to my bed and collapse into tears.

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