Castles Crumbling

Only the young pt.2 (Chapter 9)

Leah's POV

Growing up I always played football. It was part off who I was, without football I don't know who I am. Luckily, I had no thoughts about quitting, being better than ever and even captaining the England team during our Euros win.

Playing for Arsenal was a dream come true for me. Both me and my mom had supported Arsenal growing up, while my brother and father supporting the Tottenham Hotspurs. Which according to me were the far less superior team, don't tell anyone I thought that. My parents always supported my dreams, telling me to dream as big as possible and that the only thing stopping me were myself. I loved them so much.

I remember one dark November evening. I was maybe about seven or eight. Arsenal was playing against Chelsea, and I really wanted to attend the game. I had been promised being a mascot for the team and I spent a whole week trying to convince my parents to go. My brother had practice at the same time and my dad needed to attend it. The evening was also on a school day which meant that the chance I had to attend was even smaller. I almost started crying when my mom said she would take me. The team lost but it was such a big day for me. 

Since that day I knew I wanted to play football. I started playing for Arsenal at nine. Not the A-team but the academy team, I was so proud of myself and so were my parents. I never doubted that I would be a professional football player until I became a teenager. Woman's football were not big and I didn't have many role models. I thought that I would do better in another field but ultimately decided to continue playing football. During my teenage years I also had extreme period pains. Stretching outside of my period and just being there all the time. It took me several years to be diagnosed with endometriosis and it was such a big relief. Finally knowing what was wrong with me. Endometriosis being a chronic illness sucked, it would never go away and just exist there. Constant pain that would fluctuate in graveness. 

Since then, I always managed my symptoms it never really got so bad. I unfortunately had a flareup before the euros, the pain getting worse before a major tournament sucked. It always happened when I was stressed and it sucked. 

Everyone had their own problems and mine were probably less bad than others. I shouldn't make this about me, when others have it so much worse. On the other hand, I was sure that Ottilia had never suffered from things like this. She was always so happy and cheerful, never brought down by past and present issues. It was something that made me incredibly jealous. How she could live without the issues that I had.

I remembered when I visited the doctor after being diagnosed. How he told me that I had a really small chance at having children. It would be almost impossible for me to get pregnant naturally. I also had a low chance of having a successful pregnancy. That really sucked. Outside of football I dreamt of being a mom. With two children, a rich husband and a beautiful house outside of London. As I got older the husband changed for a wife and I realized that I only wanted one child, but I still wanted that life. Anyway, it was really hard to fit all of that in with football, I was gone for long periods of time and busy playing football.

That was the only thing I hated about football. It taking over your entire life. The rest of it was amazing and reminded me why I loved it.

I thought back to when I was in high-school and dated around. That was before I realized I was a lesbian and it was only guys I dated. I wanted to be like everyone else, and everyone dated guys. I was so ashamed when I started to think I liked girls because no one else did. There were so few role models who was out and barely anyone in professional football. That had changed over the years and now so many players were into girls and open about it.

I really do wish that it was easier to be gay. People are so hateful, and being a woman is also hard. Catcalled on the bus once again, why are men so annoying? Like respect my space, I'm not going to be happier just because you said I would look better smiling.