Serendipitous

Part 30

Persephone

There's something so special about cheering for someone. Like, I can look out onto the ice and cheer for my boyfriend. I'm not just cheering for a team, or the goalkeeper, or the person that scores the goals. I'm cheering for the most important man in my life, I'm cheering for the person who cheers for me every single day. I'm cheering for someone who has had an incredible impact on my life. It's such a different feeling from when I first started this job. I'd watch the team skate out onto the ice and clap just like all the other fans in the arena. But now, I watch the team skate onto the ice and crane my neck to see Max, my heart growing warm if we happen to make eye contact.

I contemplate all of this with a wide smile on my lips, as my camera shutter clicks over and over again. The Bruins have just won their fifth game in a row, with the boys' teamwork shining like never before as they skate off the ice. I catch Max's eye through the lens of the camera as they reach the end of the ice, quickly snapping an action shot before lowering the camera, and blowing him a kiss. A wide, boyish grin has overtaken his face, and shines from the space between us. Whilst holding holding his stick and helmet in one hand, he raises his empty hand to catch the kiss, before laying his hand over his heart. I can't help the giggle that escapes my throat, as a warm, comforting feeling flushes my cheeks. I bring my camera back to my eye, snapping a few more photos. Through the viewfinder, I watch, breathlessly as Max presses his fingertips to his lips, before laying the palm of his hand against his chin, his lips pinched. Not dropping the camera, I dramatically reach to grab the floating kiss, and put my hand into my jacket pocket. I snap a new more photos before the team moves out of view and down into the locker room. Taking a deep breath, I let the camera rest around my neck, and stare out onto the ice.

My heart feels so full. Everyday I wake up and I look at Max and I can't help but feel happy. I can't help but feel excited, to look towards the future. Towards a future that we should hopefully be able to share together. I feel like I spent so many years of my life afraid of being loved, afraid of how well I would be able to love. And now, I can't help but look back with a sad smile, and wonder what caused me to think I wouldn't be able to experience love. Because I've somehow managed to fall in love with Max the way that people fall in love in literature. Everyday I fall further and further in love, to a point that I never thought possible. And for the first time in my life, I'm told just how much I'm loved every day. I'm told in little, handwritten notes dotted with hearts. I'm reminded, by emotions of joy and a lack of fear. I'm prompted by the everlasting feeling of a warm, large palm crushing mine.

After my dad's funeral a few weeks ago, I had a weird mix of emotions running through my body. I was upset for my dad, upset that I never truly got to build a relationship with. But, I was almost more upset at my mom. I felt like, maybe it would take dad dying for her to realise that I was still here, that I could still be a part of her life if she was able to show me the love a child should receive from their parent. So I felt a loss, almost, for two people. The day of the funeral, I said goodbye to my dad, forever, and felt a final, shaky string being severed between mom and I. I always thought we'd be able to overcome our challenges, and eventually move forward to a point where we could have comfortable conversations with each other.

In the month that's passed, I've only had to reject two calls from my mother. One a few days after I left, and another two weeks later, at our time of our normal scheduled calls. And that's it. I understand what people mean when they say that actions speak louder than words.

In comparison, in the last month Max has held me tighter, listened to my ramblings, watched me try and move past the memories of the funeral day. He's the one who's been there for me every step of the way, she hasn't.

I push open the heavy door to my office, my heart still feeling warm from my distanced interaction with Max a few moments ago. I cross the room to my desk, sitting down and placing the camera on the desk. I grab a bunch of cords out from my desk drawer and plug them in to start transferring photos onto my laptop. I've only just opened my laptop when my phone screeches with its duck ringtone. Max's idea, not mine. I fish the phone out of my pocket, mildly surprised to see Casey's name as the caller idea.