As I Once Knew

Chapter 11

Lucas

I've been staring at the same screen for almost an hour now, bile turning in my gut, Lydia's small frame is huddled in the corner of a dark room. Thick metal chain attached to her wrist, keeping her on a tether. She could move 10 feet in each direction, just enough to reach the toilet, the ratty bed and the sink, but the door that leads to Andra's suite is just out of reach. I've watched hours of footage of her sitting hunched in the corner, flinching at every sound. She was younger in this clip, no more than 14, the video footage is grainy from poor camera quality.

I press play, and the footage speeds up until the door opens, Andras walks in, going over to Lydia, as she cowers, He roughly grabs her by the hair, throwing her onto the bed before pulling off her tattered gray dress. There's no audio thankfully because I don't think I could handle her screams as he runs the tip of a knife down the center of her body. She writhes in pain and I close the screen as Andras reaches for his belt.

I push my chair back, willing my stomach to settle as it rolls in disgust. Over the past week I started combing through the footage of Lydia's time captive. She arrived when she looked to be around 12, Andras seemed to take interest in her immediately, he didn't chain her up at first, she was just locked in his suite. It wasn't until she started trying to escape that he had the small room which used to be an office converted to her prison cell.

The sexual abuse started after that, hours of footage showcased him repeatedly raping her, and when that didn't seem to satisfy him he would hit her, leave her broken and bleeding in her cell. Her hair matted from where he would use it to subdue her. Her skin was often painted in bruises all in different stages of healing. The cuts across her body left to treat herself with nothing more than the pitiful first aid kit someone dropped off to her after a particularly bad night.

After a while she would collect herself, clean herself up and sit in the corner of the room, talking to herself quietly. I don't know what she was talking about, but whatever it was seemed to be enough for her to fight to stay alive. As the years went on she stopped screaming, stopped giving Andras the benefit of knowing how much he was hurting her. She even stopped resisting when he would have his way with her. It was like she was no longer in her own body, her mind somewhere else. I knew it well, I too was able to disassociate from what was going on around me when I couldn't handle it.

Around the time Kai arrived at the compound Andras visited her less and less, oftentimes instead of him bringing her meals it was someone else. A few of them were kind enough to talk to her for a few moments. But everyday without fail she would go back to her corner, putting her head down on her knees, her lips moving as she spoke her unheard tales.

Maybe one day I would ask her what kept her going all those years. But for now, I needed to get her out of my head, she was consuming my every thought since she curled up in the arm chair and read Dorian Gray. I hadn't moved the book from the spot she placed it on the chair a few days ago.

My mind drifts back to her sitting there, her legs folded up under her. Her long delicate fingers turned page after page. The way her face lit up when I told her she could sit in the office with me. How she would steal small glances at me when she didn't think I was paying attention. I groan, shaking my head trying to clear my thoughts of her.

I stand pulling my hair from the low bun, letting it hang around my jaw. I scrub my hand over my face before heading out of the office towards the kitchen. Lydia is sitting at the breakfast bar, a book open in front of her, an empty cup sitting next to it.

I pause in the doorway, she looks almost sad, with her shoulders slumped forward, her eyes not really reading the book as she stares at a spot on the page. I clear my throat as I walk towards the fridge, pulling a bottle of beer out. The sun is starting to set, casting a warm glow over her from the window, and she looks angelic as she looks up. Her blue eyes tracking my movements, it's like someone flips the switch inside her. The distant look in her eyes disappears as she smiles brightly at me.

"Oh Lucas! Hi," her eyes crinkle around the edges, as she shuts her book, not bothering to keep the page.

"Hello, Little One, reading again are we?" I take a pull from my beer, and move to stand on the other side of the breakfast bar in front of her.

"Oh um yeah, Maverick is showering, and I didn't want to bother you so I just started a new book." She glances down at the book in front of her for a moment before looking back at me.

"Next time just come get the book from the office, i won't mind." I set my beer down, and she bites her full bottom lip. Catching it between her white teeth, and my cock stirs in my jeans.

"Oh... okay. How have you been?" She asks, twirling a strand of her hair around her fingers.

"I've been alright, not making much progress, but once Kai gets back I'm sure he'll have an idea on where to look."

She goes quiet, and looks down at the book again for a long moment.

"I'm particular to classics, but I have found that some modern writers have kept my interest," I take another sip from my beer, as she traces her fingers across the cover.

"I've read a few classics, but sometimes I just need something new, something fun and lighthearted. Most of the classics are sad, full of unrequited love and tragedy." She shrugs, not really looking up at me.

"That's true, but they're the most relatable. Probably why so many people like them." I finish off my beer, dropping the empty bottle into the trash.

"I guess so," she looks up at me, "Why do you stay in the office so much?"

"I have a lot of work to do," I cross my arms over my chest and she sits back slightly in her chair.

"Do you not like me?" She whispers, looking up at me through her long eyelashes. I furrow my brows, she thinks I don't like her, that's why i stay away from her.

She couldn't be more wrong if she tried.

"I don't hate you Little One," I whisper, she opens her mouth to reply as Maverick walks in. He walks over to her and rests his hands on her shoulder.

"Hi Sweetheart," He says as he leans down kissing her forehead, and she looks up at him with a huge smile on her face.

I take the distraction and slip from the room, leaving them alone in the kitchen as I make my way back to the office. I grab my laptop from my desk and head up to my room, Lydia's laughter following me until I slam the door shut. The cool darkness of my room greets me as my mind clouded with thoughts of Lydia downstairs showering Maverick in affection. I wanted that to be me, but I didn't want to scare her, as much as I wanted her, I wasn't sure she could handle everything that came with being involved with me. At least not in the way I wanted to consume her fully. The way I wanted to make her forget every bad thing that ever happened to her, and show her that pain can also be pleasurable.

I slump onto my bed, the soft mattress groaning with the impact of my full weight. It was better to let her be, let her find out the gentler side of affection from Maverick than what I had to offer her.