German Boy

Chapter 48: Goodbye

It makes me so furious thinking how he's making me feel this way with just his eyes locking on mine.

"I swear it's really impossible for me to date after this," I was telling the truth. Though he was right, there are a lot of guys out there that I find extremely attractive. But there's no one that can surpass him.

"There's nothing impossible for someone who believes. Admit it, you can but you don't want to." I nodded. How the heck can someone be this smart?

"Fine," I rolled my eyes, making him giggle once more.

If I could, I'd freeze this moment and stay here forever. Or even call this place my home.

"Don't you ever grow up," I frowned as he continued. "Don't you ever change." I don't know if it was his disease speaking to me. Was it his heart? Or his brain?

"I'll see you around?" I concluded.

It feels hard concluding your possible last sentence to the one you love the most.

"Yeah, for the last three weeks,"

"So after three weeks, you'll be heading to that... what country was it again?"

"That's another adventure for you to find out," he winked.

"Oh no, it's not. Because you're telling me or you're telling me. I won't leave unless you do."

"Then don't leave," we both giggled. We both know that's impossible. Yet, we're fooling ourselves.

"I will miss you," I leaned in forward to give him one last hug.

"I will miss you too," He was patting my back.

"If we're really for each other, then maybe once more, our paths will cross," he whispered. A whisper has never hurt me this much until now.

"Or maybe they won't," I was thankful to be able to halfway accept it. "Either way, I'll love you always," I added.

He smiled at me. We stood up and he walked me to the fence. I turned around to face him. One last time. "It will never be wrong to try again. But for now, it's... goodbye,"

It was the first and the last time I witnessed a single teardrop developing from his eyes and quickly rolling down for a second. Before it could even reach his jaw, I wiped it.

"I'll be okay, you'll be okay. We'll be okay," I smiled. I don't know if it was my statement or my smile that got on my nerves for being fake. Maybe both.

He nodded and didn't say anything else after that. Is it necessary to say goodbye?

I won't.

I won't say goodbye to him.

I will make sure this isn't the last time we'll see each other.

I don't believe in karma. I know we are the ones responsible for our decisions. And this is my choice. In the future, it'll be me to reminisce about all of these.

No remorse, no regrets.

I began walking away, feeling his eyes all over me as I walked myself in tears to the car. What was too short felt so elongated. What was too light felt so heavy. Yet, I refused to believe it was me. It was I who brought myself into a situation like this. It was me who made this mess in our lives.

"Hey," I swiftly wiped my tears before turning around to face Ven when he spoke after I took six steps which felt like a hundred. He walked back to me. "Take a piece of me, so you won't feel alone even if we're apart." He handed me a frame, containing a picture of him. The one I took a few summers ago.

He was sitting in Bean Leaf Café, with a half-cold coffee in front of him. A messy hair, while looking at nowhere. I couldn't control myself. Without my permission, the tears fell from my eyes, wetting the photograph. I hugged him again. I don't ever want to let him go. Even if it means I'm breaking my own heart. And I'm tearing him slowly. But I don't have a choice.

"When you need me, just close your eyes and feel. If you ever need someone to talk to, read that red notebook, again and again." He added. "You were the best thing that has ever happened to me,"

****

"How was it?" Taylor asked when I came back in after drying my eyes.

"The greatest," I settled. "Won't you come down and see him?"

She shook her head, "Nah, I'm good. I know he is too," I smiled at her.

"So, what's your plan now?" Sofia interrupted. I'm glad she did. If she hadn't, I might have been bursting into tears again. My eyes are already swelling.

My plan is to have the best life ever. Make the best out of this cycle. As Ven asked me to, it's time to clench all those classes, join all the quiz bees I like, collect all the medals I can, write as many articles that could satisfy my journalist's heart, and date as many guys as I can. And... stop thinking about my problems. It's time to move forward.

Since as my mom always said, we're not getting any younger. Sooner or later, I'll graduate, work with the job I desire, get married, and start my own family.

This will be tough, but I have to accept that it won't be Ven I'll walk up to on a red carpet, floating down the aisle in a long white gown with a bouquet of flowers in my hands.

It will be someone else. And I will be there as the person I'll become as I begin to grow.

Or maybe not.

Maybe as the same Jaraiah Jace, I've been since I met him.

"My plan... is to... to... umm, live my life?" I concluded my thoughts in a sentence. A stuttering sentence. Incomplete. Invalid. But will be soon.

Goodbye is a word used to express your want to leave. It is a form of speaking where you begin to state that you'll be heading out or accepting the fact that you and the person you mentioned that word to are about to take different paths. But that doesn't mean that you won't ever find each other again.

Stream GUTS now!!! My fav. track is ballad of a homeschooled girl