And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 20 Zemo)

It's been six days since Sam bandaged up bucky because of his scabbed cuts. Sam told Sarah about bucky and him being together, even told the kids. They were all very happy for them. Smiles were so bright when they got told that bucky and Sam were together. Sam sleeps with bucky more often, but sometimes bucky needs his space, needing to deal with his own problem's, but of course Sam told bucky he could always come to him if he needed him for absolutely anything at all. Bucky knew he could, he knew he could, knew he could come to him at any time if needed. Now bucky, he wasn't going to do that. After seeing how Sam reacted to his self harm wounds the other day, it pained him to even think about pushing more weight onto Sam in any way at all. He wasn't, he wasn't going to do it anymore. He wasn't going to go to Sam if he really needed it, maybe if he wanted to ask him a measly question but even if he had the worst nightmare ever, a nightmare so bad that when he woke up and actually saw someone in his room, saying the words that once triggered him like he was right now, he wasn't going to bother Sam. He wasn't going to even put the thought into getting up off his bed and walking out of the room and waking up Sam. He would seem like a small scared kid that watched a scary movie for the first time in a long time.

This nightmare has been the worst yet, it is so bad that bucky felt a panic attack roll through him. His breathing was so quick that he swore he was getting lightheaded by it. His chest heaved up and down, scared by the person that was in front of him sitting down on the bed. It was so real. Yes, he wasn't having a nightmare now, he was actually in real life seeing this with his own two eyes. He knew that this was real, because when the man in front of him sat down, his bed dipped and it felt so real that it blew bucky away. This was real, he had to remind himself. This was real and it wasn't a damn nightmare, he was actually getting so bad, his mental health going down the drain quicker than he thought. He has never once in his life hallucinated, this was the first and he felt shell shocked. He looked into the man's eyes, the same eyes he's seen before in his previous nightmare's.

This wasn't no joke, this was scary as shit. Have you ever woken up from a nightmare or dream, then getting up into a sitting position to see a person sitting on the bed right in front of you. Yeah it was fucking horrifying. It could make he shocked for days. Bucky eyed the man with wide eyes, staring into the man's soul like it was his last moments on earth. His breathing was so quick, so so fast it was worrying. Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, thinking that if he just did so that if he opened them again the man that appeared in front of him would then be gone. He sat in a sitting position, his two hands in his lap. He pinched his left thigh, making sure that this was a nightmare which of course wasn't, making bucky feel anxiety rush through his blood. His bottom lip quivered, soon biting it to stop it. Zemo stared at him, holding the book, the red one that held the star that bucky once had on his left arm before it got replaced by a vibranium arm.

What was this. Was this a sick game he was playing or in. What kind of messed up shit was this. He opened his eyes, snapping them open like if you flicked a light switch on, and the man, zemo, still sat straight in front of him, holding the book that bucky never thought to see again. He looked down at the book, almost feeling himself curling in on himself, pushing himself to the corner that the bed was pushed up against. He shook terribly, his limps shook like crazy like he saw something that completely shook his core, which what he was seeing now did. His brain was screaming at him, telling him to go to Sam but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to wake Sam just because he was seeing things, not only just that but he would just come off as crazy. He knew Sam would think he was going nuts so he tried his best to pull himself together and not think about him.

"You know, even if you tried to run, to try your best from running from that side of you, there's no escape from what you really are, you will eventually be too overwhelmed to handle that fact that you aren't in fact a normal person, you are the winter soldier" zemo said, tilting his head slightly to the side at the scared man before him. Bucky shook his head, trying his best to not let this man get in his mind. Bucky wasn't that anymore, he wasn't the winter soldier and never will be.........
Bucky kept his eyes strained by the book zemo was holding, chills running up his spine like ice. God, how did it get so cold in the room. It was so warm and cozy when he went to bed, which he tried his best to stay awake but it always seemed like sleeping got the best of him. He's always so tired anymore that he ain't sure that he can keep the promise of not sleeping the whole night. Even if he had nightmares that were hard to leave your head for an entire week.