Is there a road back to the way we were?

Chapter 97

"You can't!" Zayden yelled angrily two weeks later.

It was late August now and they were gathered in the living room, the tension almost unbearable. Onyx sat silently staring at the floor, not wanting to get involved in the argument.

"Zayden, honey. Please try to understand," their mother tried to reason tiredly. "He's not waking up and we're just delaying the inevitable. We can't keep him on life support forever."

"It's only been a month. How can you be so ready to get rid of him?"

"Get rid of him?" she repeated, visibly hurt. "You think I wanted to lose him to that car crash? Had I known this would happen, I never would've planned that stupid trip for us. This is all my fault. It should've been me, not him."

"Mum..." his tone softened as guilt filled his eyes. "I'm sorry I just..."

"The way that other car crashed into ours...the doctors said I'm lucky to have only broken my arm. It could've been both of us like that... they don't know how I survived."

"I don't want to let him go."

"I don't either honey but we have to. Wouldn't it be nicer to send him off now, while he still looks healthy, than in the future, where he'd be thin and grey and..." she swallowed back her tears. "Zayden please. Your father would want this. He'd want us to say goodbye now and remember happy things about him as we slowly move on."

"...okay." He nodded and didn't say anything more.

Onyx remained silent, for a lack of words or unwillingness to speak he wasn't sure but he'd accepted in his heart that his father was gone and part of him was relieved that his mother had decided not to drag the waiting on. That wasn't selfish was it? To want to end the pain and move on? He knew his father wouldn't want to see them suffering this way but was it happening too fast like Zayden had said? Should they give it more time? But more time for what?

There was nothing left to do but bid him farewell.

****

The sky was cloudy on the day of the funeral, the sun peaking through small cracks like a promise of a happier future. Onyx doubted it, glancing around at everyone who were dressed in black just like himself. There were more people than he expected, many of whom he didn't recognise – maybe his father's work colleagues and old friends from his school days. Some of his mother's immediate family had arrived too, to pay respects or make amends with the past or show their support maybe but Onyx was in no mood to speak to them. No one from his father's side was here. They'd not even bothered to pick up the phone.

He just wanted to go somewhere quiet and not think about anything. The atmosphere was so dolorous it was almost suffocating.

His friends had taken their seats, their expressions grim and grief-stricken as their eyes met his. He looked away quickly, unable to bear it, and took his seat beside Zayden silently.

Eulogies were said but Onyx didn't listen to a word. They'd wanted him to say a few words too but he'd had nothing to say so he sat there as others spoke instead. He didn't get up to see his father; he'd seen him earlier before the guests had arrived to have a final moment alone with him.

When the coffin was being lowered into the ground, he just stood there blankly. When people started leaving, he paid no attention to them. It was just his friends' families remaining. People he'd known his whole life, the ones who had always been there through thick and thin.

"Onyx." He turned to the voice and saw Emmeryn walking towards him.

"Emmeryn." His voice came out hoarse from lack of use.

"I'm..." she had been about to say 'I'm sorry' but stopped herself, knowing he'd hate it. "How are..." Her brows creased as she cringed at herself.

Sensing her struggle on what she should say, he hugged her and hushed her worries. "Shh. I'm okay. Just hold me."

She did as he said, closing her eyes as she tried not to cry. "You didn't say anything. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm happy he's at peace now."

****

It was time to go home. Their mother had been afraid to enter a car since the accident, having walked with her sons to the hospital at first despite the painful bruise on her thigh. But the journey wasn't walking distance and so they had gently persuaded her to use the bus instead.

Today though, she had asked Onyx to drive them to the church, not wanting the bus to slow them down. She had sat in the back beside Zayden, holding his hand the entire time. It was the same for the journey home. Onyx tried to avoid the busy roads and traffic so that she wouldn't have to be in the car for too long.

At home, their mother went straight to her room and they both decided to give her some space to grieve alone.

"Onyx..." Zayden slumped against his shoulder in the hallway, stopping him as he was about to enter his room. "Can you stay with me?"

"...I uh..."

"Please. It's so strange thinking Dad won't be here anymore." He clung to Onyx tighter like he used to when they were children and he wanted something from him.

"Fine..." He led his brother into the room and sat him on the bed. "You want to talk about it, don't you?" he realised as he sat beside him.

"There's so much I want to say but I don't have the words for it. He's really gone. How did it go wrong? We were all so happy that you graduated and they were planning to take us out when they returned... our first trip in a long time with just the four of us and now it'll never happen."

He thought back to what his father had told him at his graduation, how proud and happy he had been of the man he'd become. Different memories played before him from his childhood leading up to this moment. He didn't know what to tell Zayden, didn't know how to express that he was feeling the same way, so he did what he had always done and stayed by his side.

Putting his arm around him, he held Zayden close and kissed the top of his head. A simple action that was enough to bring Zayden comfort as he leaned his head on Onyx's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I want him to come back," he whispered brokenly.

Onyx hugged him tighter. "Me too."