Black & White

Chapter twenty one

I am thinking, and staring at his message.

ок, по крайней мере
Ok, at least

Вы хотите поговорить об этом?
Do you want to talk about it?

Нет, пожалуйста, позволь мне быть
No, please let me be

Боже мой, ты такой грубый. Черт с тобой, ты даже не можешь справиться с людьми, которые о тебе заботятся
My God, you are so rude. Fuck you, you can't even handle the people who care about you

My eyes expand, because my cousin never really got mad at me. But now he is.

извини, я не хотел быть таким грубым
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be so rude

В любом случае, чувак, мне пора идти.
Anyway, man, I gotta go.

I am closing my eyes of discouragement, and I am pinching my forehead. There are steps coming in the bathroom, and it seems like there are many boys coming. The neon lights on the ceiling are kind of glitching and one of the boys are talking, with a voice that I can recognize; Félix's. Again.

"Wait, is this Alexei?" he looks trough my shoes.

The boys are laughing, and they are kicking on the door. "Get out of your hiding place, Putinov. You snitched on us, didn't you?"

I am raising the volume of my AirPods to not hear his and friend's annoying voices and I keep on scrolling through tiktok. It takes a few seconds before I feel multiple liquids and pieces of trash over me. I am dropping my phone, shocked. I gasp, and they are all laughing, still behind the door of the cabin.

I am looking fixedly at my both hands, full of stinky juice and used facial tissues. The empty garbage bag is hanging on the door and I am screaming in disgust, and rage.

The boys are laughing and still are in front of me, but I open the door of the cabin and they start running away.

Since Félix is slower than me, I am catching his pants and pushing him onto the floor. He laughs and I am pulling his wrist, until it gets red and I grab him to the bathroom.

"Arg it hurts!" he tries to get off of me, grimacing.

I think he'll get his lesson.

"Nobody will help you Felix. There's just you and me now."

I get him up, and pin him on the wall. He is laughing and I take him, throwing him on the floor.
"You know dude, I think you know I'm tired, huh?"

He tries to hit me back, but I am now on top of him, holding his fist. I get up, and punch him really hard.

"That's all what you got, violent man?" he laughs, probably to pretend he's strong.

"No, wait, I still have more",I punch him a second time in the face, and his nose starts to bleed. I keep on doing it, squeezing his neck and he seems not physically capable to defend himself anymore. It's weird, it's like the dream I made once, of me getting revenge on my dad because he killed my mom. It's the exact same sensation.

"You see? You see how tired I am, Félix? Of your dickhead, and all the copies of you doing exactly the same things as you. I have been too nice, Félix."

His face starts to become red with different shades of purple and he sobs, begging me to stop and screams.
"Please let me be! Please, please, please!"

I cover his mouth with both hands, and his nose blood runs down, feeling cold on them. I don't know why, but I feel like I can't stop. It's a strong feeling, it's as if I let go all my frustrations on him. My dad, war, him and his friends. Especially my depression.

"Shut up, shut up!" I tell him, knocking his head on the floor. "Shut up, I said. Shut up!" I panic and try to wipe the blood under his nose with a paper towel.

He sobs even more and is shaking with fear, also disgusted by all the liquids I am having on my hands. His screams become more intense and I really fear that a teacher would surprise me by fighting Félix, so I am running and letting him moan and tremble in fear on the floor. It feels good to see him being so weak.

I know there are probably teachers that will be running after me, but I feel too much adrenaline to not do anything and wait to get caught. I run for my life to go to a random changing room to get off all the disgusting smell and liquids over my head and body. I get in, and thankfully there is no one for once.

I jump in the shower, and remove my clothes in a rush. The water is running all over my head, and the only thing I wear is my underwear. I scrub my hair constantly so the horrible smell can get off and so my body.

I am not going to lie, but I am shaking so bad and can't relax. I curl up on the floor and stay there, still with cold water running on me. I close my eyes, and a scream is wanting to get out of me, but my brain reminds me that it's the worst idea. I am holding my cross necklace, making a silent prayer. A silent prayer with the cold water making me shiver of adrenaline.