Black & White

Chapter twenty

"Net! Pochemu ty slishkom myagok s nim?"
"No! Why are you too easy on him?"

Émile now has the view of everything, and he looks at me with terror.

"Ty prosto besserdechnyy otets, Andrey. Ty nikogda ne gotov yego slushat', no ya otkryvayus'."
"You're just a heartless father, Andrei. You are never ready to listen to him, but I open up."
She says, now with calmness but rage inside her.

"Ty nazyvayesh' menya besserdechnym?"
"Are you calling me heartless?"he asks, even more mad.

"Andrey Igorevich, Go. Vnizu, gde ugodno. No ne v komnate moyego syna."
"Andrei Igorevich, Go. Downstairs, anywhere. But not in my son's room."

"Poka tvoy syn ne vstanet i ne perestanet vesti sebya kak slabak."
"I won't until your son stops acting like a weakling."

She is taking his arm, and he sighs. The betrayer is still in front of me, with concern in his eyes.

"Alexei..." he stutters. "I am really sorry for the way your dad treats you. I didn't know it was so bad. I never imagined him so violent, especially toward you... "

"He's not my dad no more. And leave, please."

"Can we just talk?" He steps closer to me.

"No, get out."

He gets something off of his pockets and I point at the door behind him.

"I also wanted to give you this. I know you need them", he gives me my medication capsule, still full of pills.

"Are you kidding me ? It used to be in the trash."

"Alexei, I washed and rinsed it. You shouldn't try to find excuses to not take them. It could be putting yourself in danger."

I throw the capsule on the floor, pulling his shirt toward me. "You better mind your fucking business and not snitch" I am surprising myself cussing in front of his face.

"I did it for your good. I wouldn't do that if it wouldn't help you."

"I don't need you. Émile, I don't need you! Do you understand? Please, leave me some space, dude."

His eyes expand, and he looks at the floor, then my eyes. "You changed, Alexei. A lot. Where can I find the real you?" He looks like he'll start to cry.

"The real me is still there. Go!"

"I really hope you can get help, Alexei. Because your depression is really destroying you."

I feel like raising my fist at him, and I don't want him to make me want to do it.

"Leave, please. I don't want to do something to you that I'll regret after. Our friendship is done, Émile. I told you already. So stop trying to come to me."

"You'll miss me having around, trust me Alexei. I'm your real friend out there. Do you think there would be any other "friend" than me that would be ready to report the bullies to the principal because it's concerning?"

I push him violently out of my room and slam the door, really hard. I feel so bad doing this that I can feel my stomach tighten. But I just don't want him around. Loneliness feels suddenly better than having someone glued to me, always minding my business.

Émile is not screaming, crying, or talking. Either sighing or insulting me. He is just going downstairs, and I hear my mom talking with him, she is probably trying to reassure him.

Mom always told me that friendship is important. Friendship is a kind of love that has no limits to share, and I grew up having some friends around, so I feel what she means. But platonic love is not forever. Either romantic love. Sometimes we get to stop it. And that's what I decided with Émile.