𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 , 𝐫. 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬

eighty nine -

i swallow and find a lump in the center of my throat.

if something were to happen, i'd go down first before i'd let his place fall, negan's words from before i left come back to me. i hear them loud and clear as i behold the look on his face as he stands with a defeated, tired slouch in his posture. you'd be leaving this place in good hands, protected hands.

please, i almost say, almost start begging for my family who i fear are no longer behind the walls of our home a couple hundred feet away.

"they're alive." negan says it before rick or i storm past the steel walls and paint it red. "they're in the commonwealth."

"what the hell is that?" rick takes a step closer to negan, furthering his distance from the trees he almost ran past.

negan glances at me once more before motioning with his head for us to follow. so we do, further east through the woods, deeper and deeper into them and farther from our home occupied by strangers. he leads us to ramshackle cabin i've seen plenty of times on runs before, looted the last of its supplies from years ago.

beside the cabin, a blow of air huffs out of a black horse's muzzle, wiping its hooves against the dead grass like it's restless as a man with blonde hair brushes its back. i know those eyes, those green eyes that raise to look at me as i veer off from walking with rick and negan. and i know that horse.

whiskey.

i turn around, looking back at negan who has stopped walking, he and rick watching me approach the stallion and man.

"that's your horse." negan nods, answering the silent question on my face. "and you know him, too." he talks about the blonde with green eyes. "his friends said his name is reid, but he—"

"doesn't talk." i finish for him.

the group i came across out in the middle of who knows which state i was in at the time. the ones who gave me the directions to the fallen helicopter that i now know belongs to the colony. the group who offered me a peanut butter sandwich because noah's sister believes there's still good in this world.

i gave them directions to alexandria in exchange for their kindness and forgiveness even after the way i attacked their friend—that familiar, deadly distrust in my veins again when that happened. i told them to ask for aaron and spencer when they made it, but aaron and spencer ... they weren't here to let them in and hear their story.

i knew spencer had gone out after our group in ohio at the time i told noah about alexandria, but i figured if they ever decided to come, spencer would've been back by now. i figured that we all would've been back.

negan and rick head inside the cabin, allowing me some time with whiskey and reid. i have a lot i could say, but for some reason, as i pet whiskey's nose and inhale the damp smell of leaves and hay around us, none of the words come out.

the brush in reid's hand works against whiskey's hair coat as i rest my arms on the stallion's back, hugging him and closing my eyes.

"i was looking for him," i say at last, not lifting my head, but i hear reid's movements stall for a moment before slowly starting back up again. "rick, the guy i'm with. i was looking for him when i ran into your group, and the helicopter you pointed me to led me to him."

i lift my head, looking across whiskey's muscular back at reid who is still busy brushing, but peers over at me every now and then.

"i'm sorry alexandria isn't—isn't what i promised. it was when i left, but ..." he reaches his hand across to rest it on my forearm as if to say it's okay. "guess you met negan instead. you been stayin' out here with him this whole time?"