The Way I Loved You | Conrad Fisher

Chapter nine

Chapter playlist:
I Need U (Remix) - Yaeow & Kina
Anywhere - Jp Saxe
Silence - Niall Horan

Conrad's flashback ~

My mom was sitting on her bed, pillows propped up behind her and a book in hand. She was too invested in her book that she didn't notice me standing there until I knocked on her door.

"Oh!" Her eyes lit up when she saw me. "Come" she pats the empty spot next to her, "sit with me." She marked her place in her book and placed it on her nightstand. I sat down next to her. She took my hands in hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. "So. Are you excited about Brown in the fall?"

"Yeah" I bring my shoulders up in a shrug. It was a lie. Brown was the last thing on my mind right now.

My mother gasped out in excitement. "Oh, I can't believe it! My boy is off to college. Why don't you look excited?"

I pretended to consider the question when I already knew the answer.

"Is it because it's not Stanford?" My mother asks when I didn't answer.

Stanford was my first choice and has been one of my dreams since forever but I never heard back from them which could only mean one thing. And my mom has always told me I could find myself in the west coast. It was a bit disappointing having to tell her I wouldn't be finding myself there.

"You know, Ophelia told me that Amara got into Stanford." She gave me that knowing look.

"Mom" I knew what was coming.

"What? It would've been perfect. The two of you going off together to the west coast...and there's no shame if one of the reasons you applied for Stanford happens to be 5'5 with blue eyes and a face of an angel"

I couldn't look at my mom directly into her eyes. It made it harder to hide the truth from her. She could read me so easily.

"Connie, I'm your mother. I know you better than anyone in this world" her hand reaches up to my cheek. "I have seen you secretly fall in love with her... I think it's time you've told her. She deserves to know."

"She doesn't feel the same way" is all I say.
"How do you know?"
"Because I just do. She doesn't look at me that way. She's never once given any signals that she sees me more than just her best friend."

"Oh, she has. You just don't see it. I on the other hand" she pushes herself up, sitting up straighter, "can see right through the bullshit. Amara is a very good actress. I see the way she looks at you when she thinks no one else is looking. I see how you two are with each other. How you care for one another. I can tell how much you adore her" her thumb brushes across my cheek. "I also see how she doesn't look at you when Belly is around. I'm positive she turns it all off for Belly because she loves her too much and sees her as a little sister that she would rather much hide it all away and give you up so that she doesn't have to loose you or Belly. If you could see what I see then it would be clear as day."

"She would never lose me" I promise. I wouldn't ever let that happen. I couldn't let that happen. The mere thought of it made my chest tighten up.

"It's all fear. She's scared to ruin her friendship with Belly because we all know my special girl is head over heels for you" she laughs. "Things are complicated sometimes. This is one of those things. Amara feels obligated to bury her feelings for you."

"I'm scared, too." I admit. "Scared of losing either one of them because I care for them both..."

"I know you do, honey."