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I HOPED FOR nothing more than a steady alcoholic supply, if only to forget that Takoda's ex-girlfriend hovered just a few feet away. I highly doubted Takoda would let me make that much of an ass of myself here, but I still hoped.
Xandra looked ethereal as she weaved through people in her black, figure-hugging, back-baring sequin dress, and I was reminded of how big of a fraud I was as I studied her. I was tempted to bring her to Takoda's attention so he'd at least be aware of the cause of my sudden distress, but with their newfound friendship, I wasn't sure what it would achieve.
So I grabbed his hand and intertwined my fingers with his and leaned against him for both physical and emotional support. We said hi to a few people who insisted on letting me know they were happy to see me—even though I had no idea who they were—but my attention was sliced in half the whole time, my eyes momentarily drawn to Xandra's general direction.
I think Takoda noticed I was a little uneasy, because he kindly excused us from a conversation a while later and led me to a quieter corner, his grip firm around my wrists.
"You good?" he asked as he stopped in front of me.
I nodded without wasting any time, slipping my hands out of his grip so I could hold onto his fingers instead. The physical contact helped me stay grounded. "Yeah. I'm just . . . a little overwhelmed."
"You sure? You don't need to step away for a bit or anything?"
"No. I'm good."
"Let me know if you need anything, yeah?"
I tasted selfishness at the back of my throat then, thick and bitter. We came here to support his community, and I was unintentionally making it about me. Xandra wasn't here for me or Takoda—heck, she probably didn't even know we were here—so I needed to relax. I needed to get over myself. With that in mind, I squeezed Takoda's hand and nodded again. "I'll be fine."
He gave me a small smile, and I returned it, and for a moment, it was quiet between us. By the time we returned to socialize, I wasn't as tense.
We all gravitated towards the entrance some minutes before the event was to officially start, and Takoda whispered in my ear about everyone we'd talked to and who they were. Most of them owned brands that were doing well but I'd never heard of, and I appreciated the networking. A good majority of those brands provided services I was interested in.
The large hall glittered. Minimalistic chandeliers hung from the high ceiling, and fairy lights spanned from wall to wall, going as high as my eyes could see, like one wide magical curtain. The streamers and fabric placed over the tables were white, the fancy chairs looked like they were made from real silver, and the floor was so polished that everything and everyone reflected in it. Nothing looked out of place, and I could tell a lot of effort was put into this.
Each table was set up for four people, the top occupied by vases of white roses and posh ice buckets that held wine and champagne and bottles of water. Takoda and I were led to one by a nicely dressed woman, and we sat alone for a few minutes, the dull thump of music playing overhead the only thing that filled the silence between us. I didn't notice that our hands were still joined, or that they now rested against his thigh, until his thumb moved over mine. When I looked at him, I wasn't surprised to see him absently staring ahead. He was leaned back in his chair, his gaze on the stage in the distance, and his free hand drummed an inaudible beat on the table. His other leg bounced impatiently.
