Stay[Freenbecky]

Chapter 16

Would it be too much?

Would it be selfish of her?

Becky has been asking herself over and over again while staring the vast sky just above her. Dark space and bright stars staring back at her. She doesn’t know what to do nor to think, she’s just tired.

Tired of giving herself false hopes.

Tired of making her friends think that she’ll be okay.

That she’s okay.

But would it be too selfish if she wanted Freen to stay with her? As if she doesn’t hurt her in the first place?

She wants to hug Freen. Kiss her. Love her. Hold her. But how can she? When she already hurt the other woman? And that frustrates Becky, because it is her fault. It is her fault why Freen is avoiding her like she has some contagious disease. As if.

Becky doesn’t even notice the coldness of the night, the chilly air rubbing against her skin and her thin sweater. She’s too deep inside her mind that she stops caring about her surroundings. She’s too much into thinking of Freen. Freen. Freen. Freen.

“What are you doing here?”

Becky jumped out on her seat from shock. Thank God she didn’t get a heart attack from that.

She turned around to face the intruder and couldn’t help but gasp making the latter’s eyebrow raised at her. Becky doesn’t expect to see her, at least not tonight and outside.

After pulling herself together, Becky smiled, “I’m just chilling.” She mumbled softly, before turning around, trying to ignore the questioning gaze of the other.

“You know, I was actually hoping for you to be honest,” the woman says, occupying the empty seat beside Becky, “I was waiting for you to tell me what you feel. To tell me what you are thinking, just everything.”

Becky breathed deeply, her fingers fidgeting before a hand stops her, “I’m sorr—”

“—don’t. There’s no need for you to say sorry,” a timid nod was given, “You have the right to keep things to yourself, of course. I was just hoping you would at least see me and talk to me about what’s making you sad. I am your best friend, Becky. I am also your best friend.”

Becky grabbed the warm hand of her best friend, intertwining it with hers, “I know. I just don’t know how to say it. How to open about it.” Becky glances at the woman beside her, “I know you’re already having a hard time dealing with Noey and your feelings, Mind. I don’t want to add to that.”

“You’re really dumb, aren’t you?” Mind smirked before it faded as fast, “You’re always my priority, Becky. You and Irin. I can set aside everything to make way for you.”

“Exactly, Mind.” Becky sighed, “You are always setting aside everything for me, for us. I want you to prioritize yourself. I’m gonna leave soon. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

Mind looked at Becky with utmost care and love, feeling the sudden rush of sadness in her chest, “You won’t. You still have more years to spend with us.”

Becky smiled sadly, squeezing Mind’s hand gently before leaning her head on the older’s shoulder, “I would love that, you know, but I don’t want to give myself anymore false hope.”

Mind leans her head against Becky’s, forcing herself not to cry. She hates everything that’s happening. Why can she not do anything to save her best friend? Why?

Becky doesn’t deserve the things she’s experiencing now. God, she’s too kind to experience such things. So why her beautiful, kind best friend and not those some shitty people? Why Becky who couldn’t even hurt a fly?