Proximity

Termination letter

Tay's POV:

I personally don't believe in reincarnation but at this moment, I was thinking if I did some good deeds in my past life to have the honour to see something that I dreamed of.

Last night I had this crazy dream where I literally kissed my bodyguard till he was senseless. It was not until I woke up this morning only to learn that the dream was nothing but reality. New is right beside me.

I'm literally hugging him right now. He looks so small in my arm. The disheveled hair, pale skin, almost purplish lips which is parted a lil bit. Also not gonna lie how swollen it looks. Half of the buttons on his shirt are open. And the red thing on his neck. Hickey.

Wait. Wait a minute. Didn't I just see a..............

Hi-Hi-Hi-HICKEY !!!!

I consider this as one of my specialties where no matter how drunk I am, the next day I was able to remember everything about the previous night.

What I did last night was playing in my head like a movie.

Damn it how much I took advantage of his sickness last night! Was he that weak that he couldn't even fight back?

Knowing that I was the one who actually forced him like this, I feel terribly guilty. The only thing that I could be glad about was that I didn't take it too far.

I couldn't help but hug him a bit tighter.

Sorry.

"Mmm."

I was startled by his groan thinking that he might wake up but thank God that I was wrong. Only his eyebrows are frowned. Well I can't stay like this forever. I don't even know how he will react when he wakes up seeing me like this.

It'll probably be the first and last time that we will be hugging like this. When I was untangling from him, I felt so sad. The urge to kiss him on his forehead was tempting but I had to restrain myself. I can't take advantage of him anymore as I'm sober now.

I swiftly took my necessities and went to the other room. I spent a long time in the shower as I was collecting my thoughts. Also for my hangover. The feelings that I have for New were somewhat confusing. It all started from that restaurant incident.

In the past I treated him terribly for my own confusing feelings. And gradually, my feelings got deeper day by day when I couldn't name them. This new thing really scares me at that time that's why I did those terrible things to him. So that I could get the clarity that I had no feelings for him. Who knows it would actually backfire on me.

The only thing that I would probably want was just a different attention from him. Apart from me being his client and him being my protector. But never had I ever had any physical desires for him.

Until last night.

Where I got drunk just forget my guilt. But then again, when he came to find me all the way there, it made me really happy. And got jealous with that shrimp who was literally flirting with him. And those unexpected expressions he made and those names that he called me. I was actually amused.

The only reason that I pushed him down to the bed was to tease him but who could have thought that he could have made those kind expectations apart from his blank face.

Anger, helplessness , fear, sadness. So vulnerable. So pitiful. As if it was what he actually is. It makes me so excited that I couldn't help myself but to touch him, kiss him, bite him and ... and....and ...

*BANG*

I have to bang my head.

AM I MASOCHIST OR WHAT!