It's You

Chapter 17

"Gaon," he hesitantly called out, voice breaking from the fear of having done something terrible.

Getting out of the bed and stumbling through the mansion in search of the younger had never felt so difficult. All Yohan's mind could focus on was Gaon, Gaon, Gaon and the frightening fact that there were no sounds telling of his whereabouts.

He begged inwardly for all of that to have been merely a dream – a nightmare – and not the unbearable reality. He'd never forgive himself if...

His thoughts came to a screeching halt when he stumbled into the kitchen to find the younger leaning against the counter, breathes too quick and shallow to give him the needed oxygen.

"Gaon."

Kang Yohan did not whimper but he spoke that name with so much heart wrenching longing, anyone witnessing the scene would have wept in sorrow for the two men that fate was adamant to keep apart.

During the time Yohan had spent with the younger he had witnessed, experienced, and soothed more panic attacks and dissociative experiences than he'd ever considered. From angry rampages to pained, heart-breaking cries to frightening quietness, Yohan had witnessed it all, but every time he felt just as scared and powerless as the first time. Because nothing could ever prepare him for the sight of his dearest love lost in the hidden corners and trenches of their mind, so far away Yohan could barely reach him and every time Gaon disappeared on him like that, the elder feared it was the moment he could no longer reach him. Kang Yohan was terrified of the day Gaon would slip out of reach.

In spite of his fear clinging to him like a leech, Yohan reached out, embracing the younger in his arms while whispering promises to him if only Gaon would come back to him. Until now, touch had always been a reliable tool to snap Gaon out of it and if it also helped Yohan to quell the paralysing terror in his chest, nobody had to know. It didn't disappoint this time either and soon enough Yohan received the gift of staring into dazed brown eyes again, widening slightly at the sudden proximity.

He couldn't help but let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding in, murmuring a soft: "Gaon-ah, I'm here.". All while swallowing the persisting 'my love' that burned on his tongue ever since those kind eyes had focused once more on him.

And then all thoughts lost meaning at the soft pressure on his lips.

Yohan froze; the man who had always a backup plan, had always been a step before his opponents, was left reeling by a simple kiss.

A kiss.

Gaon was kissing him! And it was everything and more he'd ever imagined.

It was peace. Peace, he had been searching for his entire life. He refused to let that hard found peace slip through his fingers.

And when he let his fingers card through messy curls, finally leaning into the kiss, Gaon asking for more – how could he ever deny his love anything – it felt like home. After years and years of searching Yohan had found his home in the end after all.

He let himself feel, taste and experience everything the other offered so willingly until Gaon's entire body was curved into Yohan's, until all the other could see, smell, taste and feel was Yohan. Nothing had ever felt better. No case, no victory had ever tasted as sweet as this.

Subconsciously, he pushed the other further and further against the kitchen counter until he noticed him flinching only to lift him easily up, all without ever leaving those addictive lips for longer than it took to gasp.

The small laugh vibrating against his wanting lips made Yohan crazy with happiness. Gaon's laugh was beautiful. Even more since he was the reason for it.