and we forgave

Chapter 22

NESSIE

Dear Adam,

if I thought I knew what was happiness was before today, I was wrong.

Today I heard the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.

Today I heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time.

I remember how I cried when I first heard it. The beats. They echoed through the room and through my heart. I started laughing and crying and smiling at the same time, the sound still in my head and soul. I remember how I almost collapsed from joy. I would have fallen on the ground were it not for the bed I was lying on. Or Soph's hand holding mine tight through the entire appointment. The other girls were also in the room, all crying as well from the sound.

I have never been happier, Adam.

I don't know if our child is a boy or a girl yet. The doctor couldn't tell and honestly, I didn't want to know just now.

It was too much joy for one day. I remember feeling empty for the last few days. My job is the only thing keeping me sane. I think Mark started suspecting something. He saw me starting to wear more oversized sweaters. I completely gave up my overalls. They started revealing my baby bump. Which now started showing a bit. Instead, I wear a lot of sweaters that could fit two of me, the checkered blue skirts or jeans. I gave up all my overalls, that are now somewhere in a box in the girls' dorm room. Looking at them made me sad, and I am already sad enough.

Mark also caught me eating some donuts yesterday. I was craving something sweet, so I snuck out of the apartment and went buy myself donuts. He caught me while eating my second one. He raised an eyebrow, so I stopped eating.

I am still craving donuts.

Anyway, enough of the sad stuff. Our baby is healthy and has the most perfect heartbeat I've ever heard. I sometimes close my eyes when I want to cry and picture being back in that room. Hearing that sound. Happy tears on my face. The doctor telling me that our child is in a good condition. Soph's hand squeezing mine, giving me strength. The smiles and happiness on my besties' faces.

It's the only thing that keeps me going.

I then tell myself that I'll soon hold my baby in my hands. I'll be able to shower her or him with kisses and make them feel loved. The most loved person on this planet. For they already are. I haven't met our child yet, but I know I already love her or him with all my heart.

My whole world.

Nessie

p.s. the doctor gave me the first pictures of our baby. They are now in this box I bought at Walmart yesterday, one in which I plan on putting all of our baby's firsts. I asked the doctor to give me two sets of pictures, in case you'd want one too. When I'll tell you you're about to become a father, I'll give you the pictures. So, you can be part of our baby's firsts too. I really hope you'll love our child. Don't put the blame on our baby for my mistakes. I know I did plenty of them, but this child is innocent. Don't blame them.