Dream Team Oneshots

Selfish: Take Two - SapNotFound

It scares him. And yet he still did it. He scared his boyfriend. He hurt him. The one thing he never wants to do, he did.

Arguments with romantic partners specifically have always been difficult for him. He knows they are bound to happen, but he can't help but worry. He has seen how his parents' marriage went. They used to fight and argue about the littlest things. And I'm not talking about ,"don't put bananas in the smoothie, put blackberries!" Playful kind of arguments, I mean if Sapnap's dad were to accidentally eat his mom's leftovers, she would throw a fit and they would end up fighting for hours. It was quite obvious that their marriage wasn't doing too good, and that they were beginning to fall out of love well before the fighting, but to a kid? A kid can only go off of what they see. So if a kid sees a bunch of fighting, and then a divorce just so happens to occur around the same time as the fighting, they will think that fighting equals a divorce. Obviously, as Sapnap has grown, and asked questions, he has learned that the fighting definitely wasn't the cause. The fighting almost never is. Consciously, he knows that fighting and arguments don't automatically end in lost relationships, but his inner child never got to learn that. His inner child still things that arguments end in breaking up. So every time he gets into a serious argument with someone, he subconsciously worries that means whatever relationship they had will end.

End. Will George break up with him for this? He wouldn't blame him. As Sapnap thought about all of the possibilities, he felt his eyes beginning to burn. Why the fuck is he getting all emotional though? George is the one who is hurt in this situation. George is the one who was yelled at. He shouldn't be making this about himself. Yet he can't help how his chest tightens at the thought of them ending up like his parents.

He hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a drop on his arm. How can he be so selfish that he's crying when George should be the one to cry? Shit. He's being selfish. No. God no. No, no, no, no, no. He can't be selfish. Not again. Oh God. George probably thinks he's selfish as well. Fuck.

His chest began to feel tight. Tighter than before. The unbearable tightness that he had only experienced a few times before right now. As the tears kept running down his cheeks, he felt the rapidly increasing discomfort and fear turn into pain. He can't breathe. It's nearly impossible to get a breath in and it scares him. It feels like every breath he takes gets rejected by his lungs, and welted out of him before he can even process the fact that he took a breath. And that fear only made the tightness worse. And fear turned into panic. He wanted to run away. He wanted to get out of his small, almost suffocating room. He wanted to flee to somewhere safe. Someone safe. But he can't. The only someone he can go to right now is George. And George thinks he's selfish, and probably doesn't want to talk to him. But George always makes him feel so safe. Even when they get into arguments, serious, or playful. Even if they were screaming at each other, he would still feel safe with him. No matter how bad their fights have gotten, George has never made him feel unsafe. But he doesn't want to hurt him anymore. Just because George doesn't make him feel unsafe doesn't mean he does the same for George. He literally did the one thing that scares him. There's no way he wants to see him right now. He probably hates him. He's going to leave just like everyone else-

But then he remembered George's promise.

"I promise that no matter how pissed I am at you, I will never get upset at you for needing help."

George never. Ever. Makes a promise that he can't keep. Promises are important to him, so he's always careful about what he promises. If there is even the slightest chance that he can't keep a promise, he refuses to make one. So him promising that meant everything.

So even though Sapnap still had his doubts and worries, he left the room that felt like hell compared to the somehow significantly cooler hallway. He saw George's bedroom door, and could hear faint typing, coming from it. He walked over to it, trying his best to keep his hyperventilating as silent as possible, and paused. Then, he raised a shaky hand.