You Were Worth it

Chapter 16

"It's been three months. Has he reached out to you at all?" Cal asked.

Shinso shook his head. "No. I don't know if he ever will. A mutual friend told me he was upset because Katsu moved away, and he was grieving. It made me happy but also sad at the same time. Then I felt selfish because I felt happy."

"Humans are selfish creatures by nature," Cal said. "What's important is you recognized it. Would you have preferred Katsu stayed?"

"Ultimately, yes. But it took me a while to come to that conclusion. I want Denki to be happy. I would prefer he be happy with me, but I would accept if he were happier with someone else." Every word he said was true. He would do anything for Kaminari. Including let him go completely to live his life. "At this point, I just want to know what page he's on."

"You want to know if he still plans to wait for you?" Cal asked. "Have you thought about putting yourself back out there? Maybe trying the dating scene again?"

"No," Shinso said quickly. "I haven't even considered it. Denki is the only person for me. I don't fucking want anyone else." It was still a touchy subject.

It hurt to know Kaminari was kind of seeing someone else. However, even suggesting that he would see anyone other than Kaminari was insulting. He got his shit together for him and him alone.

It's been months since they split—almost a year.

He didn't know where the hell the time was going, but it was passing by too fast.

He'd worked through his problems. He talked about the childhood trauma and learned new and better ways to cope and deal with it. He was back on his medication, and his mood was stabilized. His urges were entirely under control.

It took a while to find the medication that would work well for him. At the end of the day, he has a low sex drive. Compared to what he used to be, he didn't mind the low sex drive.

He was sleeping more and generally felt better throughout his day. For the first time since he and Kaminari split, he wanted to reach out in person. He wanted to take him to dinner so they could get to know each other again.

He was finally ready for Kaminari to forgive him. The main problem was he didn't know if Kaminari was ready.

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"Dude, it's been three months," Katsu sighed through the phone. "You're gonna have to make a decision."

"I know I do. I just..." Kaminari let his voice die off. He wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to see Shinso again. He kept putting it off, unsure why he was putting it off.

Kaminari told Shinso he was going to text him after he read the letter. But he never did.

He was ready to reach out. He'd been ready since Shinso stopped by to give him the letter. He was more scared Shinso wouldn't be ready and would end up pushing him even further.

"I'm just scared." Kaminari finally admitted. "What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if I took too long?"

"Then I'm coming to scoop you up and carry you away," Katsu joked. Well, he made it sound like he was joking. But he wasn't. If he knew Kaminari and Shinso would not get back together, he would be on the next train ride out.

His sister was doing better and didn't need around-the-clock care. He could go home at any time, but he chose to stay. He didn't want to get in the way of Kaminari and his happiness or chance at getting back with Shinso. But he would be on the first train out if there were ever a chance.

"Katsu, thank you. For helping me realize how I should be treated and reminding me what I'm worth. I'll never be able to repay you for that."

"You know how you could repay me?" Kaminari expected him to tell him to get on the next train. However, he was surprised at his following words. "Text Shinso. Right now."