do i wanna know? [ERENxF.READER]

nine

"Yeah. Does it look like something's wrong?" I ask. She keeps her warm hands on my cheeks before shaking her head with a smile.

"Just making sure you're good. Home?" She asks. I nod.

"Yeah. I'm tired. My body is still recovering from my birthday," I explain. She nods before letting me go.

"Alright. Meet you home then," She tells me before walking to her car. I smile before getting into my car and starting it up. I pull out of the campus parking spot before driving on the main road back home.

Once we met up back home, I had no desire to do anything other than lay with Mikasa. I was so out of it today that I couldn't think about anything else other than sleep. Mikasa and I laid down in her bed together. My phone was in another room and I had no worries.

She and I faced each other as she caressed my face, trying to relax me into sleeping. I held my eyes closed but I was still awake. I opened my eyes and our eyes met each other instantly. We smiled at each other before laughing.

"So...Was that a date that you were on with Jean?" I ask, teasing her. She rolls her eyes playfully before chuckling.

"Nah. I'd like to think so. But realistically, no. Plus," She moves some hair out of my face as she watches me attentively.

"I think he's more interested in someone else," She tells me, a tang of sadness in her voice. My eyebrows creased with concern before I put my hand on Mikasa's arm. I ran my hand up her arm and held her hand before speaking.

"Well, it's his loss. You're such a beautiful person with an even more beautiful face. So cute," I lightheartedly tell her. She snickers.

"I love you so much. You're so cute," She tells me. I squeezed her hand tighter. Because I love her so much more.

Sometimes when I think of Mikasa and the way I feel about her, it feels a lot like falling in love. Even though in many ways, I haven't experienced life enough, she helped me fend for myself in such a realistic world. With her, my life felt more peaceful and changed for the better. And it feels like the pure bliss of a first love.

And I still think about the life we'd live together when we get older. A nice house on a hill with a view looking out to the ocean. A big yard and a designer kitchen and an art studio with a basement. A big closet with so many clothes, only the latest fashion. And we'd be there waiting for each other so anytime either one of us cries, we can just come back home. I know she'd be there.

The love I have for Mikasa is so whole and pure that I cannot physically begin to explain it. I love her so differently than romantically. I'm not in love with her though. She's my best friend and the closest person to me. She understands me in ways I'm not sure if other people can. What was that saying? If I loved her less I would be able to say more. But I can't.

I slept with Mikasa that night because it was just one of those days of clarity. I felt like I had sat with myself and my thoughts for too long and now there's a somber aftertaste. I hate days like that. No matter what I do to distract myself, the comfortable feeling of sadness visits me and gives me a hug that I'll remember for the rest of the day.

It was so gloomy outside with the clouds pouring out snow. It looked like a thunderstorm was nearing in the middle of November. Not realistic over here. But the dim setting of the world made me feel like I was looking out at the world with sunglasses on. Just a gloomier season. I understand seasonal depression.

Around six PM, I got a call that woke me out of my deep sleep. I shot up, startled, before looking at Mikasa, who was sleeping peacefully and blissfully unaware. I groan before grabbing my phone and answering the call.